Top Ten Reasons/Factors for Stress in Working Parents

 I started this post with the aim of writing the 10 different stress factors for working mothers, and then realized that the stress factors are common to all working parents irrespective of if it is a man or a woman, more so for all professionals and working people of today’s world. How you plan to manage and avoid these stress factors depend on several personal factors and each individual can look into it in their own way and manage it. If you think any one of the above factors is familiar to your daily lives, it is time to give this post a serious thought!

1. Balancing Act between work and personal lives:


Today, the world is running faster than your thoughts. Traffic signals make you find seconds as longer in the life than anything else. Projects, work deadlines, everything makes you automatically pace with the world around. The way to organize one self to match with the expectation of the work place and family/children become important. Priortize not just the work for the day, but also the attention you need to pay to family and children become important. As long as one can organize, prioritize and pay attention and divide the available time with due diligence gives the best of both worlds

2. Feeling of Anxiety:

The feeling of anxiety to outperform others at work and the feeling of anxiety to prove as the best spouse / best parent all the time, ends up in a deep feelings of anxiety. This anxiety eats away attention to details, makes one feel nervous about everything happening in the day to day life and feel overwhelmed at both ends. At one point, in a urge to please everybody ends up pleasing no body. These feelings of anxious approach everything we do makes us aim at perfection all the time and there by damaging the very essence of the tasks. Understanding that every person cannot give 100% all the time to all things is very important to manage this stress factors.

3. Self pity and guilt consciousness

Every time I update my timesheets in office after a hectic work routine for a week, I feel so bad for myself. I think why I am working so hard, am I doing a thankless job, is this worth giving away my personal time for family and kid etc etc, and this happens to many people around me these days. The feeling of self-pity makes you feel depressed and tired more than the actual work. The guity consciousness that you are not spending enough time with your children makes you feel all the more miserable. Kids these days do understand the parental work pressure and they balance it right from the beginning. It is important for parents to sit and talk to children, help them understand that they are very important in life and they plan quality time with the family.

4. Becoming workaholics and lack of proper management of work

The competition to perform the best and the challenges of outsourcing project, client expectations, organizations widening their horizons in the times of recession and all these economies take toll on the committed people at work. People who take these factors both internal and external to the lines of control become workaholics in the long run. Over a period of time, these workaholics lose focus and attention and then start to bargain for best organized days of work. Proper management of work and organized every day routine makes work life easy and possible for good personal time. Communication, attentive work culture and positive management of work is the key.

5. Unplanned family time and distractions to work

Making a quick and timely calls to take family updates during breaks is always a welcome, but running errands for the family during work hours is something that may not please any bosses. Long personal calls, causal chit chats for long hours, browsing for personal needs, catching up with old friends on facebook and other social networking sites during production work hours is a sure no-no. Making families understand that they will not be able to pay attention to work with the distractions of family during work is very important to avoid the stress that such situations cause at work. Being truthful to personal emergencies is always understood by organizations and cooperated.

6. Continuous work with no vacations and personal time

Few people don’t take breaks or planned vacations for years. Families expected, fight, express it and finally give up with much frustration causing stress to the individuals also. Taking few days vacation and coming back refreshed is the best way to manage stress. That will not only give you energized mind to act fast but also giving you the physical break from the office ergonomics. Playing a cherished game, spending time with spouse for quite dinners, taking kids to beach and visiting old family members can sometimes be a great stress reliever.

7. Travel

In spite the culture of remote work in place in many corporate, travelling has become inevitable in everyone’s life these days. No big corporate are any longer located in the prime areas of the city and the travel to the work locations vary any time between 15 mins to 2 hours. And the traffic woes of today with the increased vehicles on the road add to the stress. If you job needs you to travel, that adds more to this stress on move. Taking public transportation or private transportation , it has its own levels of stress. Public commutation has too much crowd, inconvenient timings and above all women face all kinds of stress especially in trains and buses in India. Private transportation takes the tension to calm driving, cultural changes, increased cost of fuel, unorganized traffic etc. Planning ahead, avoiding drunken driving, maintaining traffic rules, following safety norms are few ways to avoid this stress.

8. Productivity

What you learn, what you work, what you earn and what you give are all correlated with one another. Right opportunities at the right time do not happen always to all people, but how you maintain your best at all times, consistency in your performance, practice and thinking is what makes your productivity. The stress and struggle to maintain this consisitency, reliability and integraty is a continuous factor for stress in lot of working professional today. To perform this and also inject the need of these values into children add to our stress. The essence of this factor is not to cause to the stress in reality but should be a way to get out of it. Productivity should not become a stress factor instead in should contribute to growth.

9. Multi Tasking and losing focus

Moving targets, in both personal and professional lives, changing priorities, reorganizing day to day activities cause lot of stress in individuals today. This add to the working parents daily woes. Multitasking is no more an additional ability, but the very walk of life today. If you cannot do it, you are just out of the game. Staying focused while doing 10 things at a time is the key stress factor. But not paying attention or giving focus is worse. So doing one task after the other, managing multi tasks with care and staying focused is very very important to stop making this a stress factor.

10. Not giving time for self

One desperate friend called me at 10 pm in the night to share the life’s burden and to lean on a shoulder and ears that can care. After 4 hours of talking into the night, this friend thanked me and said that I blessed him with the most precious gift in his whole life, I was confused. He said that the best of the gifts one can give to other in these hectic days is ‘Time’ and time to listen, share and react in a way to comfort the other person. Similarly if one is not able give time to oneself’s personal interests either in music, sports, hobbies of any kind, or simply time to relax for few hours and do nothng can contribute to greater levels of stress. Able to relax and not having a train of thoughts running all the time is also a best way to avoid stress. Meditation, exercise, eating right food, spending time with friends, visiting places of worship, listening to favorite music, watching favorite tv shows or visiting places on vacation, this personal time can be anything and even if it means giving oneself few hours a week will make a lot of sense to one’s life these days

Embracing the World- Our Experience of meeting Amma- Mata Amrithanandamayi in Los Angeles- Summer Tour 2011



Mata Amrithanandamayi

'Everyone in the world should be able to sleep without fear, at least for one night.  Everyone should be able to eat to his fill, at least for one day.  There should be at least one day when hospitals see no one admitted due to violence.  By doing selfless service for at least one day, everyone should help the poor and the needy.  It is Amma's prayer that at least this small dream be realised''
-  Sri Mata Amritanandamayi.

These words not only echoed in her discourse but shown in the deeds she did to the world so far.   The greatest humanitarian of our times, and a wonderful spiritual leader who with her simple smile and embracing hugs had captured the thoughts and sentiments of the western world to a great extent.  As a family,when we decided  to pay a visit and meet the greatest living saint, we had no expectations.  But as the dawn turned to dusk, and the Hilton Los Angeles parking lot got full, in less than 1 hour before the program begin, we only wished we would get a glimpse of her yesterday.    With her lively discourse in Malayalam, as her senior disciplines translated in English, the close to thousands of people filled in the 3 Ballrooms of LA's biggest hotel listed to her in silence.   As she took the crowd to divine embrace of her bhajans, I was not just surprised but filled with shame, as I saw the 90% of westerners around singing her bhajans with ease and reciting the hymns with so much of devotion.   Then began the much awaited moments of dharshan., that started at 10 pm and slipped into the wee hours of today.  People waited in silence, devotion, gratitude and a greater sense of happiness.   We sat three rows just opposite to her watching her smile at every hug she gave, whispering ' chella pillai' or ''favorite child'' in the ears of the devotees as per their language,, and giving a prasad- a kisses chocolate wrapped with flowers.  We did not see a single moment of tiredness or frustration in the lengthy process.  The stalls around showcased the products manufactured and made in her ashrams in India with the employment opportunities she created.

Embracing the world exhibition showcased her achievements and created a moment of gratitude and pride to her fellow Indians on what she could achieve with her simple philosophy of practicing humanity.  The endeavours that the MA centres across the globe do, is a continuous saga.  A blessing to humanity in whole, with so many people benefiting from her selfless dedicated service to mankind.   Millions regard her as godess, an incarnation of Mother Earth in various forms of Maheswari, Lakshmi and Saraswathi.  To me she looked like a sincere human being whose every cell responds to a human need.  Many of us would have the same feelings but how many of us really have the courage to go and do what she does in this world.   Immortal bliss is what her message of love and compassion is experienced in the people who follow her for years. 

We were in Z2 line and when the moment of embracing came in, it felt like a blessing.  The happiness of being able to bow before the great personality is indeed a blessing.  I felt proud of introducing and creating this opportunity to my child and see how privileged she is in this world and what all she can do to mankind in return.  May be we will be able to do little of what she does.    As I was talking to people around on what made them come there and stay all through night, in other wise not so nightly LA, their personal experience of the admirers from all walks of life,  were a reflection of the world wide humanitarian work and the opportunities she creates which are enterpreneuring happenings around Amma.    She resembled to them as a solace during times of sorrow and guidance in times of uncertainty.   She is a living inspiration.

We had the privilege to help in the kitchen with cutting vegetables, selling chai to awaiting devotees, and Aishu enjoyed working as volunteer guarding her book store for a while.  To us, this is one experience that we would cherish all our lives.  This is one great experience that would always remind my child the opportunities that lay ahead to serve back to the mankind.  It is one experience that would stay with us for rest of our lives.   May Amma live long to give back her love to this world.  May Amma create more inspirations that would expand her thoughts and deeds towards a better human world.  Let her call for peace and kindness reach the world all over and all her dreams come true for a better and better tomorrow.

Jai Mata Amrithanandamayiki!  Love and  Compassion are the very essence of all religions.

Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.  May all beings everywhere be happy.

------------We visited her program on June 11, 2011 Saturday at Hilton Los Angeles on her North American Summer Tour 2011------

After a period of hybernation....looking back at my journal...myself I guess!

It had been quite a hectic 2  months with overwhelming activities on both personal and profession front....looking back last 60 days...my good ness...it had been nothing less than hectic.  My son Ajay, hate to call him nephew and my mom visited us for 6 weeks from India.. and my sister Jai and my little son Akshat for 4 days from Canada..had loads of fun and family time....2 kids birthday parties..Office moved to a new location 25 miles away from home, making it a 100 miles shuttle for Raghu to drop and pick.... planned sightseeing, guess we covered the most of the California in and around Los Angeles ....breaking all odds..Aishu's final exams that one side kept me to keep track of her homeworks, assignments, projects, and preparation and 2 award ceremonies.  Forgot about my diabetes and gym for a while, and finally at the end of a long run of 12-14 hours of day at work, average 2 hours of going around every day., and loading of full cooking and running errands, I guess lot did to me for good than my gym and medication.,.....losing 13 pounds in a month..amazing, I  am sure my doc would be happy.    And now the relocation plans closer to office is not keeping me any time bored! and above all a new boss, hectic project schedules, aishu's demanding holiday summer plans....  Amidst all this I missed my poetry, blog, friends and movie time on saturday nights..didnt have time to talk to my all times friends who I keep in touch every day.  .Hope slowly I would get back to  my routines of meditation,  self-help and lots of other stuff that keeps me on toes always.  Sometimes I wonder how our brains manage this multi tasking and body cooperates so spontaneously,.  as along as all is well, no complains.!

Back of my mind, the topics to write about the most hot topics in India, how America managed to nail down Osama and how we still let Kasab lead secured and happy protected life in India,  kept on bothering me.   Interestingly Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev fasts and the rythm of India against corruption makes me feel I am missing  India at the right time.  Having been a short time crusader, against simple injustices around, I know the cause is big and concerns are widespread.  

It was in 2004, in one of the Rotary Meetings, I met Kanimozhi when she was a chief guest...she was so humble, smiling, sweet and very down to earth.   In 7 years she rose to sudden political stardom and a equally sudden fall.   The innocence of a young woman who always adored poetry and tamil literature is no  more innocent...She is behind the wheels of the biggest wagon of corruption.  They costed a loss to exchequer worth of 1.7k crores same time dwindling around a bigger portion of it to themselves....it was in 2006 when Vijaya Thayaban, a fellow inner wheel member and friend lost election against Arcot Veeraswamy and joined DMK later., and because of her IWC of MS, had the privilege to invite DMK leaders to our club functions...so came Kani and Poongothai Alladi Aruna.  Dr Aruna is an amazing woman politician of the next gen politics who talks down to earth when needed. 

Another thing that didnt let me sleep last night was the bus tragedy near kanchipuram where 22 innocent lives were snatched in the fire that swallowed the KPN bus.  Having travelled in KPN many times in those sleeper coaches, it was so hurting to see this happen.  May god rest their souls in peace!

Reading Sarada akka's blog after long time and a motivating post, made me smile and look back at my blog.   Now finally, took up another 500 pieces of jigsaw puzzle which I aim to complete as time permits!....lets see!

India World Cup Victory Dates Glory- History Repeates from 1983 to 2011

Wow, this makes me think when is the next year we will see this same calendar again.....

And imagine the 1983 victory also basked on India on a Saturday, 2nd April 1983 and our boys brought home the cup on the same day 28 years later!

The same calendar day and dates for the two successful years in Indian Cricket!  Amazing but True!

Proudest Day in the Indian History: Stunning and Defining Moments of Glory- ICC World Cup Champions India 2011- A New Religion!

What happens when two Nations stop all its activity and watch Men in Blue in Action?    2 Presidents of 2 Nations,  Half the Parliament and Entire entertainment industry stops at the doors of Cricket Stadium.  When one day, 121 crores of Population do nothing but get glued to Television sets watching every ball, every minute, every move of the men in action....This cannot get any better.   Today is a God Sent Day to India.   The love for Cricket, the mania, the fever, the entertainment, the sentiment and the emotions....Seen in millions of Indians who stood by the the Men in Blue...... Can there be any other Entertainment in India that could get better than this?  I doubt...... And this had been a long waiting of 28 Years to see the World cup again after the marvellous moment of Kapil Dev's team in 1983..... And Dhoni and his boys did it with diligence, consistency and a sheer dedication as this is a fitting tribute to the Master Blaster Sachin Tendulkar.....What a Match,,,what a madness,,,,what a money involved....what a Moment ....and What a day...you have to witness it ...to feel it, to cherish it and remember it.....for a lifetime.   

The emotions are evident, prayers kept hard....every ball made a real decision....and every person loved watching it.  

The Cricket is in our blood...our thoughts and our moments today....Its time to declare it the National Game...what matters is what makes it to heart..and Cricket definitely needs this glorified recognition....no understatement to Hockey...but Cricket is what is close to our hearts...No wonder!

Srilankans did a fairly superb defence and they did everything to make this a match of real competition.  It was not a easy one...and each one of them did they best...just that India got a bit better and we deserved it...

Jayawardene's superb and consisting strategic runs and Malinga's fierce bowling can never be forgotten....and that is what made us Champions, to win over the best!

Champions World Cup 2011-  Men in Blue! The Glory..The Pride!

Dhoni and his team lived upto a Nation's fever and passion for the game...their highs with the highest expectations of the match....it is no more just a Sport...It is far beyond it all.   It is a defining day ...And Cricket is no more just a sport...but deciding thing to lot of things in India...and this euphoria is not going to change...but live for long!    Hurray India!  Rock On!...The Cup of Joy is finally ours again!!!! Long live this glory and passion!....Long live our joys and happiness and the love for Cricket!!!! Hats Off!

Consulting Engagement- An Overview

Today the world has become a one global market; both for goods and services.   This involves exchanges of contractual obligations and organized commitments to one another involved in business.   Consulting Engagement has been the most predominant in the IT world and delivery services with the onset of offshore-onshore model or the best shore services taking the world as one platform for global delivery.  In such a context, there is large necessity to understanding how this consulting engagement works.

1. It is very important to understand the value of the Consulting Engagement for all the parties involved.  For example a IT MNC acquires to perform services for a Automobile Giant in Germany, which has a delivery unit in India, it is important to know lot more things than the usual business deal.

• Government Regulations
• Understanding the Client needs
• Cultural dimension
• Technological awareness

There is also a need to analyze the business goals, competencies available, budgets involved, business and strategic plans on delivery,  value of IT for the business, expected customer service levels and agreements if any,  and customer satisfaction assessment methods.

2.  It is predominant to know the elements of the consulting engagement life cycle and understand some underlying questions on the capabilities, providing satisfying technical solutions and effective project management

• Engaging the right people, who in the IT world are called as Technology Consultants
• Ensure the people hired have the right skills in terms of both technical and non-technical required to run a smooth business
• Design a proper contract or a statement of work and set the expectations out of the fresh engagement
• The scope of the work is detailed and work products are defined as deliverables
• Does all the parties involved have all the required information, that includes any implicit and undefined requirements have to be analyzed
• Schedules and time frames have to be decided with milestones and tollgates well defined depending on the business need
• Metrics to measure the productivity have to be laid out so that the engagement manages to gather this information from the beginning to assess the process oriented IT delivery
• Continuous monitoring and control to ensure that any variance in the terms of scope, cost or time are having mitigation plans in advance and can be duly aligned in the golden triangle to meet the engagement objectives
• Though it is always painful not to discuss, the last step, it is always advisable to keep a note on what should happen in case the engagement fails, or have to be shifted from the scope or focus.   And on what circumstances the contract gets void and the engagement gets cancelled have to be put on paper.

3. The major steps in the Consulting Engagement would always involved the following

• Creating the customer- engagement - vendor relationship.    Example, creating customer accounts within a large corporate house
• Defining the customer need-   It is important to understand why the client needs this engagement and what value addition it is going to bring
• Skill Matrix designed-   This includes creating a capability model involving both infrastructure availability and also the software technical capabilities and level of expertize of the resources planned to be involved in the engagement
• Create a Program or Project plan -  This framework initiates the initial set up that is necessary to carry on with the engagement
• Proposal or bid for the engagement-  Create a ball point estimates on what it takes to do this engagement with success and profits to either parties involved.    Create outstanding yellow board presentations on what makes us the best vendor for the engagement
• Information is the key-  Having detailed information on the clients need, market competitions, capabilities and competencies will help us keep the engagement alive till the successful closure
• Creating the proposal and finalizing it-  This involves both the actual experts in the field to review if the proposal would work and senior management involvement to ensure that the proposal materializes as a strengthful engagement  giving wider scope of work and opportunities
• Commitment and honoring the engagement-  It is vital to provide our commitment to clients and do every bit of possibility to ensure that the commitments are met on time, within budget and as needed by the clients in the specification
• Execution of the engagement-  Well planned and adequately managed engagement would ensure success to the vendors and effective solutions to the clients
• Communication and feedback-  As the engagement progresses, it is important to keep a strong client- delivery teams relationship by constant feedback and active communications
• Improving the scope of future engagement-  A well performed service is always a opening door for new business.   Especially if the clients are happy with the deliverables of the engagement consulting involved, they would definitely come back to the same vendor for their future business needs.  This established a continuous and most progressing business relationship.

4.  Focus of the clients and consultants involved in the engagement

• Clients should focus on the business need, budget allocated and approved and obstacles involved and how to mitigate those obstacles with the consultants help and the process of escalation in case of need
• Consultants to focus on the management of the engagement by effective project management and upkeep of timing and quality deliverables,  provide improvement opportunities and expertise that would strengthen client's business  and aim at customer satisfaction

5.  The Consulting Engagements are successful and boon to clients when

• Clients see a value addition to their core business due to this engagement and consultants find a meaningful and productive work that is profitable to their business
• Expectations are clear, concrete and complete so that all stakeholders are aware on what need to be done to make this a pain free process
• There is a business need to ensure that the deliverables are made on time, as per the specifications set by the clients, reusable components and providing adequate reliability on the products for the best of business use and on time
• Communication is in place to ensure that everything goes smooth for the client- consultant relationship to be ending to a successful engagement.

Japan Tsunami and EarthQuake 2011- A Tribute. Time to Rethink! Time for Global Harmony!

The fury of Mother Earth.,

Devastating the planets precious lands

Succumbing to the devilish waves of sea

Where will the man go in calmness?

 

As the earth below our feet shake

Can there be shaking to our Faiths

That Nature wins over Man always

No matter how much intelligence he gains

Mankind in its quest to conquer lands

And protect against those uncivilized perpetrators

Build up science and nuclear plants

But who can save them from the nature’s call



Was the nuclear plants helpful when Nations shook

And was there any predictions of them in the books

Was the man’s science greater than god’s creation

And will there be a day where we can run away from such devastation!

A nation called Japan struggles to live after shocks

The world looks at them in fear of the future

A world that is so uncertain how to handle the

Volcanic eruptions and the seismic motions

We clone lives, and build satellites,

Run behind borders and expansion plans

Fight with Nations in sharing every bit of this planet

Exploiting it forgetting that there is nothing at the end…

Nations and its leaders crave for materialistic wellness

Capturing and exploiting every one down trodden

Moral values go only good in the books

And human values devoid at every corner…



How much big or small you are as a person

Rich or poor, which ever race or religion

Creed or caste, nation or language.,

You are all the same in the Nature’s view

People who understand these things few

Will feel elated and praise for the blessings we have

Stop worrying for the wealth’s that we don’t make

Or the rules and laws we make and break



The Japanese showed a unique sense of solidarity

They did not loot or steal the fellow people and stood together

Have worked to rebuild lives after the first atomic bombs

And they would recover from this catastrophe too

The Nation called Japan, in all its preparedness

To handle the known and unknown chaos

Have shown the world the calmness that engulfs

After the tsunamis and storms that tore life’s apart

Only wish, we extend our thoughts and prayers

Stand by their hope, strength, faith and recovery

Learn not to exploit the natural beauty of this world

And learn to live with the a Global Harmony!



We all know, the end is uncertain,

Be it for individuals or for a Nation together

Either that be man- made or Natural Fury

So there is a need to live in Peace and Global Eternity!

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 10 Tributes and voices for and against would continue....Rest in Peace Aarushi and Hemraj...Hope Justice Prevails

With the goofed up investigations, horrible collection of forensic evidence and playing of words and opinions on this grace...the race for justice in this case is long and awaiting. 

There can be no sooner end for this tunnel and Tributes will continue for the little angel Aarushi and her servant Hemraj.    

Let them Rest in Peace, as rest of India, breaks their heads in opinionating and insuniating this case as they thoughts and directions take.

This is my personal opinion that parents are innocent in this case and has to direct relevance to this case on my reviews and opinions on this case. 

 As a parent, my concern for this case is mutual and neutral.  I only wish parents will get justice if they are truly innocent. 

Or they explain to us all why they did it if they are guilty. 

Either way, all those effected by this case and its ongoing investigations and media attention need answers to put an end to this obsession of an unfortunate event of a child. 

Media frenzy on this case will not end soon....'Everyone killed Aarushi'  Is the truth....if No one killed Aarushi....

Only wish God shows mercy on Aarushi's parents if they are truthful and innocent.  Let them have peace of mind in their lives and let Aarushi Legacy Continue

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 9 Why it is important to DPS Noida and its students? And for students of similar schools to resolve this case?

The below given pictures reflect the Urban Youth of young and vibrant India in making.

 These kids are in a liberal India, without any threat of the adult life...free from wicked thinking and do not think it is wrong to move with girls and boys together in a coeducation system.

 Schools give them enough freedom to imagine big and parents pamper with all goodies in life to make their lives secured, peaceful and happy.

   Most of these kids do not know the turbulances of the poverty life of the below the poverty line children starving in India and living on roads.   Aarushi was one amogst them.

 These pictures are from DPS Noida kids who rocked themselves in and out and work hard in studies, particpate in culturals and celebrate life as it gives to them

The justice in this case is very important for them to focus on life back and think from a worry free world and pay rich tributes to liberal India, and their memory of Aarushi Talwar, the innocent teenager who lost her life from this world

They want the kites to fly high and so do their dreams.   They want Justice for Aarushi

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 8 Why Talwars are in deep trouble?

Why Talwars are in deep trouble?

1. Not investigating a male servant background in detail before hiring him to stay with them

2. Repeatedly going on Television with a bold face and trying to prove innocence. There is more self defense than grief in the whole situation according to ordinary Indian viewers., who love to opinionate, gossip as long as its not their personal issue

3. Relying too much on the police and burecracy that has no meaning in India

4. Being innocent, vulnerable and ordinary upper middle class professionals who still believe in Judiciary

5. Giving too much of freedom and never imagining to what extent this would blow up

6. Nupur consistently claiming that she would have left the keys on her daughter’s door inadvertently. When she finally went inside her daughter’s room when she was awake could have knocked and asked her kid to open from inside and then Aarushi locking from inside before sleep. Small mistakes make bigger issues

7. Rajesh inadvertently initially claiming that Hemaraj killed Aarushi

8. Because there was no other person inside the house during the time of crime, than the two defendents and two victims, they are victimized. Similar case in Trivedia Pankajkumar Drivedi in Gujarat in 70’s proved such a claim by the courts

9. With all the above said and done, somewhere there could be missing pieces that Talwars are hiding in this case? Why and what is it? For if the murders were preplanned there had to be a motive and that associated with Talwars in some way directly or indirectly.

10. Top most reason is that it is not enough to aspire for our children, but it is equally the parents responsibility to protect them and secure their lives emotionally, physically and financially till they can be on their own.

Talwars as parents should be feeling guilty for life time for not having been able to protect their only child from the cruetly of mankind in its wildest form. No court or judgment can help them to survive this guilt and as parents I am sure they must be going through a inner struggle and fighting with this thought not just now but for rest of their lives.

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 7- Several reasons why Rajesh and Nupur would not have axed their only child?

Aarushi was their dream child., after 11 years of waiting, through a strenuous process of IVF, the child was born as a symbol of their love marriage.

• Both are educated and highly talented professionals, having a high sense of commonsense, social awareness and ample aspirations for their only child

• Employing a nepali male servant in a house, when both parents are busy with highly demanding professions is not uncommon in upper middle class India and cannot be blamed for they were not having a teen guy at home, but a matured fatherly figure Hemraj who also regarded Aarushi as ‘betti’.

• Aarushi was a normal teen in a upper middle class family, having access to internet, cell phone, friends, co-education, foreign trips, planned vacations and holidays, regular tantrums, celebrations of birthdays and every special day (remember her Father day cards that were beautifully written to commend how best his dad could be in this world)

• Parents sleeping just 6 feet away in another room and not hearing anything is a quite possibility with Window AC’s on in both the rooms. CBI did the trail check of the same situation and confirmed that they did not hear any sound when they replicated the situation.

• Parents locking the room. It is not a literal locking but having the automatic door locks for safety when the child is sleeping in another room and keeping the keys safely. In matured modern society, children no longer cling to the beds of their parents as practiced in most parts of the world. So putting their only child, who is well aware of what is right and wrong to sleep in a different room is no sin. I wouldn’t think that any mother would not tell her daughter to close the door and sleep, for various reasons. Why do media make this a big issue is nothing but a drama!

• Parents not grieving in public. Is being composed and shocked is a sin? Why should they grieve in front of the camera…to garner your sympathies? Heights of public expectations. Are we not moving to a more matured world where we stand in silence during funerals and grief in private? If the parents are boldly facing the cameras and not crying in front of public, does it mean that it should cost them their innocence?

• Parents being awake till midnight on the night of the crime. Rajesh Talwar have confirmed that he was awake late that night, as he made phone calls to his brother in law and also an association in US for which he had to sent some subscriptions and it was only post midnight he went to bed. 60% of working parents, who are doctors, and who see patients till 9 or 10 pm, end up sleeping around midnight. That was usual for them. Not planning up a murder of their only daughter. Being doctors, they could have killed her in more planned and peaceful way if that was their only intention.

• Aarushi’s boy friend giving clues against her dad…This is another absurd theory. Aarushi spoke to Anmol for close to 600 times in 2 months before her death and all were normal calls that happen between teenagers and friends in school. They were not lengthy conversations like crying and cribbing over some issue. 90% of coeducated children today spend 50% of their time on internet and cell phones. It is the system today. For upper Noida and delhi kids, I don’t think this would be strange. May be for the conservative society that still thinks talking between boys and girls is a crime , yes this would sound absurd.

• Aarushi being angry with Rajesh Talwar in one of her Orkut messages…it is not being angry. It is being pleading to go for a movie with friends for which Rajesh refused. Just like any other parent would do usually. Even we warn our teen daughter not to post pics on facebook, does that mean that she will be technically angry on us to create a forever rift? Give me a break!

• Aarushi Talwar and Hemraj having sex, Rajesh finding them in compromising positions and what not. Such a cheap statements from Noida police because of the ongoing honour killings in Haryana, Punjab and many other states. I don’t think Aarushi would have ever stopped to such a low of having a affair with a fatherly man who is a servant in their house. She defiantly had better friends and options if she wanted to.

• Murder done with a clinical precision… Possibile it is done by a professional killer too. I don’t think doctors would find it easy to plan splitting their daughter’s throat and to see her go from this world. She was the most beautiful child, well behaved and parents wanted to give her the world. Either they should have been mentally retarted to do such a barbaric act and Talwars definitely are not.

• Talwars parents were all well established and served in Armed forces and have high social values. There was no motive of money or honor killing in this case as the parents themselves were in love marriage, and any of Aarushi’s expectations would have been met with counseling, warning or changing lifestyle but killing would not have been the only way for them to get of any such oddity.

• Rajesh Talwar having affair with Anitha Durrani. Another theory that burnt with the time. Anitha and Rajesh shared the same premises to work and that is very common in doctor community to share clinics and hospitals to see their patients at different timings. Nupur and Rajesh loved each other and got married. Anitha was close to Nupur and their children were best friends and classmates. So the intimacy is at the level of family friendship and may not be on an extra marital affair. Even if that is the case, I am sure, Rajesh would have known to conceal it from Aarushi and she would not have been affected by it. Aarushi would have gone to Nupur to support if she found something fishy about her dad than to Hemraj.

• Why could not Hemaraj had an extra marital affair or something outside his work in Noida when his ailing family is far in Nepal and that could have been the trigger for turmoil?

• Hemaraj was troubled and tensed and feared his life and approached a social worker. If he was afraid of Talwars, he would have taken the next train and run to his son in law or his family back in Nepal and not wait for them to come and kill him one night? So there is something else that he was afraid of and no one knows what it is?

• Dinesh Talwar trying to conceal the postmortem report. This is again an unproved theory as there could be chances that any family member would approach to know the findings but I don’t think any sensible person would ask the facts to be concealed when it comes to report of a little girl. Moreover, parents were never ashamed to talk about the vaginal swab or the white discharge of their daughter in front of the media and I don’t think they would have made attempts to conceal the fact if she was raped. That would have infact raged a educated and responsible mother like Nupur and would have only helped her stance of innocence stronger.

• Circumstancial evidence makes Talwars accused. This country witnessed millions of cases where there were so many eye witnesses and other forensic evidence but people escaping punishment just because they are capable of that. Talwars seem to be fighting with straightforward approach and that is what is making them stand behind bars today.

• If the theory that ‘Innocent till Proven Guilt’ still holds right in Indian Judiciary, then Talwars cannot be arrested unless someone comes out with concrete evidence against them.

• Aarushi and friends having sleepovers at their home and wanting privacy. How stupid of police to cliam that they were indulged in some sexual activity? The kids wanting to be alone to giggle around, play and talk, should not always indicate that it is an inappropriate gathering for some activity sounds hilarious.

• Talwars never refused to undergo Narco analysis tests or any other investigation methods and have cooperated with grace in all of their investigations. They repeated 100 times the same set of facts they were aware of to the media and police and CBI. No one found an inconsistency in what they said.

• The police couldn’t fathom a household where a teenage girl receiving a bouquet of flowers from an admirer leaves her parents unruffled. They were busy insinuating that her school project on drug addiction meant she had dodgy interests. The media were to also make ominous noises about Aarushi’s activities on Facebook and Orkut, about her having 688 ‘transactions’ with a boy from school over 45 days. 688 transactions. An average of 15 phone calls, SMSs, missed calls per day. Any beleaguered urban parent would have explained the phenomena to the UP police — it’s a teenager with a phone. But the police and media were to use this to build a portrait of promiscuity. As Pinaki Mishra, a lawyer who advises the Talwars told TEHELKA in 2008, “The whole lot have been bred on Manohar Kahaniyan, seeing sex everywhere.”

• Police not being informed before relatives in this murder. That is quite natural. If I am hurt, I would only run to my comfort zone first than to my social zone. What did police do after they came to know? They did not protect the crime scene from being tampered by people, neighbours, relatives, and press

• The insensitivity with which the police handled this crime, the media and police passing verdicts before even the investigations began. The police officer not even getting Aarushi’s name right, went on to pass derogatory comments of the victim, her family and friends and what not. Who allows this kind of defamation just because they were normal citizens in this country? Scary. If it happened to them, it can happen to any other common people in this country. Scary!

• Scene of crime dressed up heavily even before the maid arrived. The killer could have done it. Be it Talwars or not. They had enough time from the murder till dawn before they escaped

• Touch DNA is an experimental method and is insisted by talwars to be conducted which is not heard by investigation authorities. Though this could be validated right or wrong, can still stop them from running behind this method and prove either way

• If the Talwars had tampered the crime scene, why have they not hidden the whiskey bottle that had blood strains on it?

• Why Rajesh suspected Hemraj initially of killing Aarushi, was that other than they too, it was Hemraj alone who lived in that house and all probability that he killed her and escaped with some motive. As the house was locked from all sides as it used to be. Servants killing people of the house was not a rare phenomenon in Delhi /Noida in the recent past and had Rajesh done this crime, he would have planned a different story, having known that Hemaraj is also dead. For the body was just in the terrace of his house.

• On the night of the 15th, Umesh dropped Rajesh at the house and went to park the car at Nupur’s parents’ house nearby. When he returned to the Talwars’ house to deposit the car keys, he saw Nupur and Aarushi near the dining table and saw Rajesh coming out of his bedroom. Umesh says the clothes Rajesh was wearing the morning after the murders were the same as the ones he saw him wearing the previous evening when he came to return the keys. This opens up a line of enquiry. If Rajesh had committed the murders under sudden provocation, as the CBI says, where was the blood of both victims on his clothes the next morning?”

• Why would the Talwars push the CBI to keep investigating the case if they were guilty? Why would they leave the biggest trump of a clue in plain sight on their dining table — the Ballantine’s whiskey bottle with acres of fingerprints and both victims’ blood marks — if they had ‘dressed up’ the scene after committing the crime?

• Why won’t the CBI conduct touch DNA testing on the bottle and other evidence and simply put all the speculation to rest? Again, why would the Talwars agitate for such testing if they had something to hide?

• Talwars made Easiest available victim. The police made a mess of the case, they see no hope of finding the real culprits…

• Some one could have been in grudge and scuffle with Rajesh or even Hemraj

• A 8 or 9 foot size blood strain have been found next to Hemaraj’s body on the terrace. The hand print on the wall with the blood strain also did not match with Rajesh or Nupur. So there have to be a third person

• Investigation on the simple life of Hemraj is not done completely and his contacts when he was a rickshaw puller in Delhi. There could be flip side to his other wise innocent life too

• The narco tests of Krishna, said that they three were with Hemraj on the night having drinks in the terrace. Why is this not figured anywhere in the closure report

• If nacro tests results of servants are dismissed as false, then why are Talwars put through them again in 2010 during the CBI team 2 investigation

• Nupur being an Army kid puts up a bold face in front of media and answers to all the questions raised calmly and composedly. Broughtup in the military family and educated in a professional medical fraternity, I guess she gained that composure which is wrongly opinionated by the press and general public.

• Aarushi’s class teaches and school proved that she was a brilliant kid, supposedly to be a head girl the following year, and scored high which means that the girl gave importance to education and her aspiration to be a pediatrician or a dancer.

• Aarushi’s dance school and her friends said hundreds of times, how lively and happy child she was. Media almost projected her as a sex starving child which is totally absurd and wrong. She was a modern teenager full of fun and life and aiming her usual highs in career and entry to AIIMS

• Aarushi’s father’s day cards clearly denote that she shared a strong bond with her parents and they were doing everything for her best in the world. There are absolutely remote chances that they would kill her in spur of the moment rage

• Rajesh Talwar said to kill his daughter and wash her private parts. This sounds ridiculous on the father-child relationship. Rajesh would not be able to live with such a guilt for so many years after the incident had he done so and the fact that he boldy still fights for justice is clear indicator of what a sensitive father he was.

• Aarushilegacy and the activity of the NGO set up by the parents show their courage to move on with her memory despite their own fates handing at the destiny of courts that no longer care for people’s emotions and sensitivity

• I don’t think parents would have killed her for what so ever reasons and live in a house surrounded by her pictures in every nook and corner of the house, reminding them of the gruesome crime they committed. It clearly shows that they are reliving her good memories in all those pictures, people, please be sensitive !

• What is it that they are going to achieve by killing their daughter. Their dreams and full life’s effort is gone in vain

• Hemaraj could have had an extra marital affair as his family was away in Nepal for year and he lived in slums as rickshaw puller earlier. Why should the Talwars alone be blamed.

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 6- Hemraj and his hidden past - Why investigations fail in this angel?

Hemaraj is a innocent servant and cannot be blamed.  He is from a poor Nepali family and had meagre earnings.  He called Aarushi -  ' Aarushi Baby'. and treated her as his daughter.  Would he have made attempts to sexually abuse her?

Hemraj told lies that he worked in Malaysia before joining Talwars which is not true.  He was a rickshaw puller in Delhi.  Why did he lie?

If he would have approached the local social worked as she claimed?  why did he live in the same roof with talwars...why did not he flee to his son in law or confide in his friends?

Hemraj is also killed and equally abused.  But the angel of his relationships, contacts and whereabouts of his affairs are not unearthered in detail.    Hemraj's angel is totally ignored by media also just because he is a poor servant?

Hemraj and his friends and his habits have totally became immune to the case?  Neither he can nor his family could defend themselves and at the same time...he is also a sad victim?  Or was he is the reason for both the murders.

Was he involved in an affair in delhi with a married women as some journalists scribbled and that was the reason for his murder and Aarushi also became a victim because she witnessed the rustle.

Was he in good terms with his son in law who raises slogans now and then in the press?    Do we have direct answers for all these questions and why people only think about justice to Aarushi.

Are Hemraj's family not in need of knowing the truth as well and see justice?   Losing their sole bread winner and troubled by poverty and sickness... are they are not eligible for justice though they dont live in the land?

Why Talwars wouldn't have killed Aarushi and Hemraj?- Part 5- Why justice in this case is important? and Closure of CBI report is wrong?

Aarushi Talwar case has an impact on both children who know her and who dont her....thanks to the media hype and introduction of this case to Indian Children all over the world.    

The end result of this case is crucial not to have an adverse impact on the young minds where 70% of urban youth is driven by opinions created by unthinking media jouranlists, senseless police going by nonsense declarations on this case.  It is equally important to parents who all having young children at home.  

Our children think that if Rajesh and Nupur have done this, then even our parents may do it if driven by similar situations and we have the need with this case to prove that parents will not do it senselessly. 

If courts decided that they did it, they have to also prove why they did it and expose all truths so that our young minds can be explained.

 It is very important more than anyone to these children who lived with Aarusi in her happy times

These children are extended support to Rajesh Talwar and Nupur and showing their solidarity in the smallest ways possible.  They think that parents are innocent ...they are still shedding tears even after 3 years and all waiting for justice

They are walking every mile of their lives thinking that justice would prevail to their best friend

Hope their belief will not be tarnished by Indian Law and judiciary!