Microaggressions - How it impacts our Work culture and thought process and perspectives ?

Very recently I attended a session on microaggressions and that’s when I realized that I have been facing this all my life …nothing but triggers that challenge our emotional balance. 

It is time that we

Feel empowered to identify and challenge microaggressions to improve our culture

Identify your own unconscious bias

Be empowered to help shape the culture you want

 Microaggressions in the workplace

Microaggressions are everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to people based solely upon being members of a marginalized group

Bias in Actions & Words

 Some Shared Experiences

“I don’t plan to have any children because My husband and I are very ambitious”

My female manager, when I was first pregnant

“You are the only female member of the team. Please take charge of all birthday celebrations of the team members since you would manage it so much better!”

One of my female managers

“Your husband is a banker – so I need to allocate more increments to those who need to manage in one salary.”

My first direct manager (Male)

“I thought being a female at least you would not be so aggressive and pushy about asking for salary increases”

One of my female managers in AsiaImpact matters more than intent:

How do Microaggressions impact team members

Statements couched as compliments or harmless comments. The recipients may initially feel that they are not entitled to an emotional reaction and may have the following thought process….

•       Did I interpret that correctly?

•       Did she say what I think she said?

•       What did he mean by that?

•       Should I say something?

•       Saying something may make it worse.

•       They’ll probably think I’m overreacting.

•       Speaking up is going to hurt more than it helps

Impact matters more than intent:

•       Anxiety

•       Depression

•       Sleep difficulties

•       Diminished confidence

•       Helplessness

•       Loss of drive

•       Internal dilemma

What are the potential impacts of unchecked  micro aggressions on an organization’s culture?

Cultural effects:

•       Bad behaviors get normalized - specially when others observe and do not see any checks

•       It makes new or introverted people to clam up and not speak out  - which could translate to hiding bigger leadership behavioral aggression being unchecked

•       Toxic culture in teams, lack of collaboration and trust

•       People hesitate to bring their authentic self to work

Negative tangible outcomes impacting bottom line:

•       Low Engagement Rate

•       Low Productivity

•       Low Performance

•       Low morale

•       Loss of good talent

•       Bad reputation as a place to work

What if you are the Microaggressor?

Some positive approaches

•       Do Make the other person feel heard and follow their lead in the conversation.

•       Offer a genuine apology that acknowledges the impact and harm your comment caused.

•       Keep striving to be better. It requires grace, humility, and commitment.

Some unproductive approaches

•       Fall prey to the fundamental attribution error. You can still be a good, well-intentioned person who said something offensive.

•       Make the conversation about you. Instead, express gratitude for your colleague’s trust and belief that you’re capable of evolving.

•       Overdo your apology by laying on your privileged guilt. Your apology should be sincere.

Ask yourself -

•       What was the Impact of My statement ?

•       What was my intention when making this statement ?

How to Respond to a Microaggression

Three Approaches:

1. Let it go. This can often be the easiest solution but comes with an emotional tax, of not speaking up for yourself, and others, and it reinforces the behavior is OK.

2. Respond immediately. This approach addresses the situation but can be risky, impacting how you are seen, and impacting others and the overall culture.

3. Respond Later. Sleep on it. Get perspective. Strategically respond. Create a tempered approach, privately. Log it with HR and others, as well as directly to the person.

How?

•        Discern – how important is this? To you? Your feelings & others? How do you want to be perceived?

•       Disarm – prepare them to be uncomfortable for the discussion.

•       Defy–  Challenge them to explain exactly what they meant vs your interpreation.

•       Decide–  Your feelings, your reaction are yours to decide.

 

Reference Material:

•       Harvard Business Review – further reading: https://hbr.org/2020/07/when-and-how-to-respond-to-microaggressions

•       IBM Institute for Business Value & Session on Microaggression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suicide Story Calling for Hope and Help

Expression of life with smiles and cheers

The loud laughter’s for such silly jokes

Confidently standing beyond arrogance

False countenance nonchalantly reticence

As I pulled over the mask to show different me

So fake and so conflicting to nonexistent inner glee

Not with intentions to cheat everyone around

But disguising with pretense to one thyself

Murky gorge of reality without an escape

As my skull becomes evil’s warehouse

It is nothing but a curse being titled strong

For the actual struggle hidden all along

Swinging precarious between hope and surrender

Hiding tears and fears battling scary bearers

Consummating the artists within in disguise

Desponding alive in growing stronger 

Unable to eat, sleep, travel or wander

Trying to slip into the little dodging slumber

Absolute frames of absurd thoughts derider

Hugging the lifeless pillow to cry aloud

Of falling into the valley deep into the grounds

Running behind the leaving train

Waking up with a jerk and disdain

Succumbing to the loneliness of the chest

Sweating unusual than on a wilder trek

Where is my inner strength disappear

And the ardent faith ruled over by devils

Cries in cowers laid to rest in corner

The provocation to die chanting over life

Darkness and death looking alluring

Life be uphill struggle and non-fetching

Scared of another day and survival

Everything looked repulse and pointless

Hearing my fore-fathers calling me to the shore

Another life, another time, welcoming to meet

Where is the hope that made life everything?

Heartache, emptiness of the inner soul

Lost merry, life easy, trading my nothing

The curtains are ready to be brought down

The drama of life is ready to sure end

Free from the masks of public appearance

No more delving in pity of others around

Time to put an end to the corrosion of mind

Beyond the layers of wisdom thick to grind

Depression is never seen till it’s too late

Death can seem to be the only solace

Finding the Story of Suicide around,

Look again, think and stop by for a second

Give them a hug, hope and helping hand!

That moment, may bring them back to life again!

Why do we hate Death ?

DEATH -  The one word that often brings immense pain and trauma.   It creates the saddest of human emotions and disappointment.   All of us knew the fact that for every living being, there is an end.  The death is the final end point of our tunnel called life.   Death is hated in any form.  The natural, unnatural, timely, untimely, sudden, ill-health, killings, suicides, during birth, during war, during doing nothing and doing something. 

Death is not an unusual thing and it is the phenomenon we watch day in and day out.  Newspapers, TV channels,  messages and every mode of communication in every day life transmits this news of some death or the other to us.  However, when it happens to our loved ones, to those who know, those we adore, those we think passed away unfortunately,  those we think they deserved some more time in this Earth,  we feel the loss more.  We feel being itched by death like nothing else.  We feel that we are the only one's suffering and we fail to accept the reality.  The composer is lost, tears and sadness rules and the sense of hopelessness creeps in and going beyond our control to manage our own thoughts and feelings.  Why?  Because, we will not be seeing them again.  We will not feel the comfort of their existence around.  We will not feel the warmth and love they share and many a times, they just cannot be replaced.  

Words of philosophy on death is shared, we celebrate the good lives that they lived, we cherish the moments of happiness with care in our memories and pictures, every thing that they touched, created and experienced becomes all the more precious.  We feel at we were blessed to have them in our journey of life.  To be with us till their time came.  To be guiding us, to be protecting us or just living with us as a closed one.  Be it as a parent, sibling, child, relatives, friend, colleague, neighbor or an associate.  We cherish their existence in our lives at some point.  When the graph of points of existence is longer and close to the line of our life, their existence matters more to us.  It creates a deeper impact on how we continue after their line of life ceases to exist. 

Fluctuations of life is very much a normal process.  Ups and downs are the life line.  But, we hate death like it should not happen.  We hate it so much that we don't want to hear about it, we don't want it to happen to our own people and we don't want it to happen in any unnatural sudden way.  It is because of the deep attachment we have to the human form and body, than to the soul. The realization that we do not have the form to feel and see is the bitter truth that we don't want to recognize.   At times, the pain is so immense, that we want to go with the deceased.  It creates a sense of vacuum, a sense of loss and a sense of no purpose.   For all this, time is the only healer.  Exceptions to this is also there.  Few people will never come out of few deaths.  Their minds and thoughts get stopped with the person gone.  To them, they continue to live feeling the divine presence of the person they loved and continue with life.  The inner chambers of them knew that it is a depressive condition.  Most times, very normal for those who are emotionally very attached and are equally sensitive.  

Those who exhibit strong emotions in public may also be grieving in private.  Those who make a hue and cry and battle themselves to the core during death of a loved one, may actually get to move on faster in life than the other kind.   Grieving, crying and feeling the sense of loss is all ok and very much normal during death.  Hence, controlling this human emotions is not a necessity.  Same time, sooner the realization dawns on us about death and its reality, we will learn to move on.   It is easily said than done.  

In the moments of grief, the memories are the biggest solace,

In the moments of death, the footprints are strong to walk in,

In the moments of loss, the courage to smile is the biggest thing

In the moments of fear, the time is the only best healer

In the moments of anxiety,  the company of loved one's helps

In the moments of silence, the Prayer comes as a God's blessing

In the moments of loneliness, the thoughts are the gifted company

In the moments of delicate moments, remain calm and pray 

In the moments of departing loved one's, wish their souls Rest in Peace!

Having Lost my best friend's daddy last night to a sudden death, it made me go back to introspect deeper into death .  Recent losses of friends Srujana, Satish Velayudam, Prabhu San, and many of my friends aged parents disturbed me alot.  Equally the death of Major Mukund Varadarajan and many other soliders fighting for the safety of our borders is a cause of concern.   I have seen death in my hands at the age of 15, when my dad slipped into eternal sleep in my arms on a winter morning.   Ever since, I know the various impacts death can have on those people who are left behind .....and this is just a reminiscence of the same.

Rest in Peace Uncle Valluri Radha Krishna Mohan uncle.  Will miss you for ever.!

Home Office ? Are you Kidding me? Work from home does not mean no work!!! Give me a Break Guys!

I met an aunt today after long  many years and she was asking me about my office, work hours and said she would kill me if I say I am busy at work.  We are working for what we are paid and she is right.  But the expression she gave me when I said that I have an home office was totally undigested.   She sounded that work from home means no work getting done.  Probably after spending decades running to office every morning, the concept of home office is a not the zing thing for her.  And equally not to many of the people who still think work from home..is a paid holiday.   Give me a break guys!

There are two sides to a coin always.  The few positive sides of being in a virtual world of technology, connected from anywhere remotely is also huge and equally are the negatives of our lives in this environment.

The Biggest advantages of having a home office and also have a corporate that support the work from home culture are:

1.  Save on the travel time - commuting during peak hours of the day.

2.  Stay connected at different time zones.   Be it  IST, EST, GMT or what ever...You are there for the clients

3.  Reduce operational costs for Corporates by not consuming a full office, with parking, electricity, phone usage, transportation and security costs involved.  

4. Ensure safety of women working in odd shifts and giving them flexibility as diversity employees

5. Enhanced productivity that comes with alertness of being online for the full business hours

6.  Less distraction and cafeteria chat timings and giving more time to work.

7. Better work life balance with giving more time to work and personal things

8.  Staying virtually connected 24*7 helps in regular team collaborations, meetings, conference calls and there is no difference in the way we work

9.  People who work remotely are more engaged, focus on health and have lower stress levels

10.  More alert to work requirements, productivity, flexibility and availability increases at work force

The other side of the coin, where the pitfalls make work from home equally painful are:

1. Need continuous attention and keep increased watch on alerts for calls, meetings and deadlines making it stressful

2.  Distractions in case the home office is not isolated from the main living spaces and visitors

3.  Feeling of isolation when looking for business solutions that need brain storming and expert guidance

4.  Lack of people around to share moments of anxiety, team collaboration and participation

5. People who cannot draw thick line between personal and professional priorities have difficulty to separate work from home

6. Working hours are usually longer with very few or no breaks to refresh and work productivity

7.  Work place developments that are usually heard through grape vine is not available in home office

8. Danger of losing the visibility at work place by less presence in groups and office get together

9.  Work from home needs loads of self-discipline, proactive work atmosphere and learning to handle distractions and self-pity of being lone and working long

10.  People usually think that those working from home, are either jobless or lost their jobs and hanging at home, creating a embarrassment for families still living in running to work culture

However, like every situation that throws at us several advantages and disadvantages, Modern Home Offices are also still evolving with its own dimensions.  When people are high willed, strong determination with integrity and good professional values, working from anywhere doesn't really matter, as long as business outcomes are the same, client value is delivered, milestones are met and deadlines are not extended.   

Making your professional lives shine is all in the game of how you handle your visibility, performance, attitude, team work, stretching that extra mile and doing one bit more than others to prove your value adds to the growth of you and your organization.   

Appraisals are not what your managers decide for you and what companies give to you.  It is what you give to yourself for the money you are getting paid.  It is what you feel at the end of an hard working day fulfilling your obligations, responsibilities and duties both as a professional and also as a individual makes you what you are.   

Numbers, Money, Promotions, Awards or any other form of recognition is just another aspect in our lives.  Self-Satisfaction of doing your best, feeling the pride of achievement and sense of belonging-ness to your team, your company and your family is what makes you successful.  As long as these basic things are in place, it really doesn't matter, where you work from...Be it a multi-storeyed tech park, or an isolated factory shed, or from the couches of your home....what matters is business and its outcomes at large!

Happy Home Officing! 

 

Courtesy: Internet