Need Parents - For all my forbidden children

Since many weeks, I am restless with an ongoing thought. A Thought to make my mission accomplish. It is a restlessness that sprang from an inner cry of mother, a quest of child, the need of an civilized society. My dream is to see a dawn without an orphan in this world. I want to build a bridge between children in need of families and families wanting children. For weeks I have made my intense search to find appropriate adoption centres, the laws abiding them, the orphanages and baby hatches that support forbidden children and homes that educated, care and prune the helpless buds of this Nation.

My search only proved a fact that there is absolutely no proper mechanism to finding homes for thousands of children living in homes, orphanages, streets and as vagabonds. It is not the fame of Slumdog Millionaire or the limelight of destitute children that is creating this urge. It is an inner loss, a personal loss that haunts a mother for years.

What is my vision: The vision is to build a common platform where the needs of two different desperate groups get satisfied. One is of the helpless children and the other group is the issue-less couples or families who can adopt children.

How to envisage this vision: Bring in the two groups together. It is a ardent urge and a very tedious task. For it involves nothing but Children - Vulnerable and dependent.

Having started collected required data, there is lot more to do. Identify all children who need homes, at least begin with few. Closely look into the adoption law, identify areas of concern, create an awareness on the availability of this children and promote them to finding homes. I know it is not an easy task. But if I am able to find at least 5 children a permanent homes where they get ample care, love and parenting in the next 6 months, my mission has a reason to celebrate. At the same time, I need to ensure that these children are not prone to domestic violence, abuse or end up as unpaid domestic helps and labourers.

What I need? - Support from my family and friends. Networking to create awareness. End of the road- Finding homes for all those little children who are orphaned due to various reasons, be it parenting negligence, unwanted pregnancies, financial circumstances, female infanticide natural disasters, war victims, refugees, and so on.

Why this? Every child needs a home. Every child needs parental care, affection and love. Every child has every right to education and growth. Every child in this country is its future.

If you as a reader, do think that my mission is worthy its effort, please do not hesitate to forward your ideas, support, information and an extended arm to join this saga. I am sure one day, we would have all reasons to be proud of what we are aiming at.

Betrayed. Not once but twice!!

As I was crossing the road towards my car, with my shopping bags on a Sunday evening, someone pushed me from back and I took a jerk to hold myself. I managed not to fall down creating an embarrassment to myself and my husband who was walking ahead of me. My anger took over my calmness and I was about to pull the person back to give her a bang. My hand stopped for a moment in the air as my eyes caught the person who pushed me and tried to walk ahead. "Harsha.." I called to myself. Could not believe my eyes having come across her after almost 2 decades. The last I met her was in our school farewell day celebrations.

The night was almost sliding down towards the dawn when we realised that we haven't thought about sleep that night. Harsha was in her own world and went on talking, that I noticed that I have in fact become a good listener. May be what I was hearing made me not to stop her at all. It was almost 6 hours and yet her tears did not dry up nor did I try to console her. Sometimes, you need a shoulder to lean on and make you burst with the ages of agony that you withstood. That's destiny. That's childhood friendships are for. That's what we call luck, to stumble upon someone to share ourselves once in a while in this otherwise deserted society.

Harsha is struggling between two different poles. Irony is that she herself created both the storms in her life and still justifies doing so. Her 6 year old son Vinay is having a life outside his parents under the guardianship of his maternal uncle. Harsha saw him some 3 years back on his birthday.

After eloping with her college mate in the final year of her graduation, Harsha could not complete her studies, instead took up a small time job after a discreet marriage, only to realise later that her husband is an addict and is dependent on his parents for his survival. The so called wisdom that a child will change things only worsened her situation. With an infant in tow, and a petty job fetching her money for a livelihood and a highly demanding husband, Harsha was at the most vulnerable moments in life. What best could happen to her than a shoulder to lean on in the form of a colleague. The icing words of a married colleague who spends most of the time with her at work, brought in a solace to her troubled mind. Slowly the friendship blossomed and she found a new energy to regain her life and let go her tragedies behind the curtains for a while. After initial days of pampering, sharing, caring, there started the unique woman characteristics of possessiveness and expectations from this other man outside her marriage.

The other man got scared of his life, his social image, his own family and his growing up children. Managing finances started to give him the required pinch adding coals to the fire as Harsha kept on demanding more of his attention and time. In the due course of time, the passion faded away and what remained was a scar of a painful relationship that had no meaning. Reassurances of not betraying her from the second man did not make her life any better. Instead challenged her own position as his other woman in the society. Her husband caught her one day while she was fighting with this person on the road side in his car. That's the end of the story. Both the men accused each other and finally dumped her on the road. That was the day she bumped on me at the shopping complex in the city.

All I could do as a old friend is to immediately hug and make her cry... at least to relieve her from the pain of betrayal by two men who promised her heavens and broke her world apart. I am her friend and I don't want to upset her by asking more questions or providing useless advices. The fact of this story is that we try to escape from one agony and end up in a bigger one unknowingly. Her story is an eye opener to all those people who jump into hasty decisions and meaningless relationships in this world. Inter wined emotions and vulnerable situations provoke us towards those unwise decisions. There are hundred's of Harsha's in this world who suffer silently amidst the pain and trauma of various relationships in life.

I took Harsha the next day to a music concert. I could see a new happiness in her eyes. I suggested she take up some new work and also start to go for her passion of childhood- Music. It was after almost a year, I met her again, this time, with her son and a decent living. She is today a single parent, a confident professional and a strong woman. This time too, she did not let me talk. She gave me a big hug that made me proud. Proud for having been there when she actually wanted me, just letting her lean on my shoulder and unwind herself for long. I learnt to be a listener since that day. Letting people pour out and start afresh, amidst the dirty betrayals this world can never stop.

Acceptance is the biggest challenge in Schizophrenia

There lives a stranger, unheard and unseen but always in our lives. Travelling every distance we take, every road we cross, every bridge we burn. The stranger slowly becomes our friends, a family person and our companion for a lifetime. But more strangely, understanding this stranger takes time, drains our energies, kill our spirits, torment our strengths and distraught our beliefs. If understanding God without seeing him, talking to him, meeting him, or feeling him, and going ahead with believing him is the way of our culture, religion, custom and way of living, then understanding this stranger also is easy but only if you compare this stranger to God!

Schizophrenia is nothing but living with strangers all the time. Strange silence, strange circumstances and strange illusions. There are mild or paranoid ways of this disease capturing its victims for a life time. Its not just the patient but his or her family, friends and society to accept, understand and support is the most troubled challenge.

Its like having a child with slow learning, but as a parent refusing to accept his shortcomings till its time for the final call and treatment. Making our minds to accept the adversities of life is the most daunting task. Once we accept the adversity, our mind is free from confusion, obligation and tolerance grows and understanding happens. Unless we accept that there is a problem, we will not even be prepared to aim to find a solution. It is like a bug fix- unless you know the root cause of where the issue is, you cannot correct the piece of code.

Acceptance is at three levels- One by the patient himself, second by his dear ones, third by the enlarged society surrounding the troubled minds. Being schizophrenic is not a curse to someone, but not being accepted is definitely the worst curse.

Proper medication, counselling, periodically checkups, keeping physical health in control, proper diet, not taking to any habits like cigar or alcohol are few steps towards managing schizophrenia. The larger picture is that loved ones accept patients limitations, understand their thought process, respect their feelings, rightly interpret their expressions and showing them care and concern is the biggest medication schizophrenics can be blessed with.

They are like babies who need additional care,, hug them with love and they would respond to the world outside their imaginations. Slowly and steadily your love can dominate the illusions and free their minds from the strangers in their lives. Accept adversity and aim for solutions!!!