A silent winter morning, the birds chipping at far, and the sun beams slowly getting out of its cheerful sleep. The shores of two rivers that intertwine in love and radiance of flowing together for a while like a couple in love reminds of a god's creation. I have not slept the night and lived my thoughts into the skies where I can see one beautiful star added to the sky the previous day. Besides the heaviness of heart that failed to register the fact of a dear one's loss, there emerged courage of a small girl in a silent town on the coastal winds. Having nested for years under the protective arms of a beautiful parenthood and having no exposure to the realities of the world outside my own happy kingdom, there were silent tears unshed. Holding back the moments of despair and truth, the audacity of nature and tranquility of facts that surround an unexpected moment of grief in life. Trust of a relationship, that left and a soul that is slowly tipped away from my fingers of love, all I can ask in that moment was courage.
With the frighten eyes watching my every move, I know for sure, I have a responsibility beyond imagination of those starring at me. I was clear. I was not lost in the moment that was unpredictable. Nothing emerged in my heart than the fact that I have to shoulder the pain of my bereaving family, stand tall amidst adversity of life that surprisingly kissed me at the moment. Just for a moment, I escaped from the vicinity of those frightful eyes around me. All I did was to find a solace leaning on the shoulder of my friend who stood by me throughout. Heaviness subdued and a sense of acceptance started to creep in as I decided to take stock of the situation. All that was left in the world around me for a moment is the loss of the only man in the family. My Dad. Having women who were vulnerable, scared to face life at that day and my siblings confused and inconsolable.
Ages after I look back to that old memory of lifting the pyre fire, the shivering of the little fingers that took charge of the day. As my dad got laid to rest, and the flames of his cremation rose, I looked into the fact of life. Nothing. It starts in vacuum and ends in one. The quest in between is an insurgence of the materialistic world. Nothing impresses me today for real. Fame, Money, Success, Happiness, Sorrow, and every other emotion is just a small phase in life. Nothing is constant. Change is the only constant thing in life. Acceptance of this reality is tough, but for those who do, life becomes easy. Meaningful and real. I did not cry for 4 days. My friend got scared of the kind of reactions a teen was showing on her dad's last journey. He pulled me to the graveyard, just to show me the ashes of the person who was real, who was there, and who was just there for me. I cried.
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Seeing Paris Jackson, ending up in tears in her dad's memorial service, only reminds, that one day this little one will look back at life, and re-live the dreams of the man who loved her than anyone else could do.
A real tribute to the fathers of this world who silently dream the dreams of their children
Love you Dad!
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