Story written as part of the CBC – Love Letter Contest - 17 Feb 2016 - A story of an anonymous friend....a lovely woman tangled between two amazing men who love her so much!
Hi Dear,
I kept looking at the road, where
your car took its sharp turn. After
spending long hours on the lovely ride and couple of hours in dining, still
feeling like wanting you around as you dropped me home. Sorry. Dropped me at the street end. Wish you could have walked along with me,
helped me open the locked door and sat in the living room watching your
favorite cricket as I made you hot chai.
Deep inside me I know it can just be a dream. For I am somebody’s wife. I only wish you came in my life earlier, long
before we got caught in the strings of marriage to the spouses to whom we are a
definite misfit.
I enjoy being with you, but not
without having a guilt of being in another marriage. Cheating on my husband who believes that I
am all for him. Though we both smile
together for pictures, go together for events, attend all our duties with
utmost care, something somewhere deep inside me knows that it is all not
true. For the truth of my heart is being
with you. Wish I could have walked out
of the man who entangled my life with the thread of marriage. Wish I could do what my heart craves for
doing as true.
You may ask, why this letter now?
When you had the chance to lay on my
chest and whisper your anxieties to me.
I am scared. I am scared if you
would tell me to end the marriage and walk with you. I am scared of the society, my orthodox
parents, my simple husband who trusts me too much, and my children whose life
will get shattered with the turn of events, with my surname changed in the
records, in the office, in the social network.
Yes, I am scared to death about the changes that would come with being a
divorced woman. And lot more with a
re-marriage.
It doesn’t end there. I can imagine, your wife pulling me aside on
the road and hitting me hard on the face.
I can imagine the never ending arguments and battles for custody of
children in the courts of law. Should we
still dare to do to live together? All
this for one and only reason of being in love.
I ponder.
Though the path is not going to
be smooth, and I am sure that with you lies my happiness, why am I not having
the courage to do what is right. Is it
not insane to be acting as someone’s wife being in that marriage whereas all my
feelings for you are no less than being a true wife? You may answer this easily. Like you always do. Let us keep this only between us. Enjoy your life as it throws things at
you. Count every moment we get to sneak
out from the mundane routine of being amidst the tangles. Rejoice the small tit-bits of happiness that
we could explore together.
I see a strong trill and
excitement in you every time, you get to pick me up from office, and spend a silent
evening in the Café Coffee Day. You behave like a teenage lover, who loves to
take the girl on a bike ride in a sea shore.
At the same time, while dropping me back at home, you behave like an
adamant child refusing to let the mother go to work. What do you want me to do? Am confused, tensed and absolutely drained
being in this love. But can I give it
up! NO!
I hear my heart crying out loud and loud!
Why did you come in my life? Late!
Very Late! Wish either you came
early when I started my life in marriage or just did not come on my way. Who is to be blamed? My parents for putting me through a marriage
without knowing if the other person would be able to fit in my life, rather, I
adjust to him with all the baggage that came along. Or should I blame my destiny, God who always
did what is right to me? I don’t
know. I will only blame you and me for
having come this far together not knowing where to move or to just let this
relationship go?
You keep reassuring me that
things would be fine, as long as we know to balance our life. Many times, you indirectly insisted that I
continue having sex with my husband in order to not let him doubt my
relationship with him. How can I do
that? Having you in mind and soul, and
letting my body play with the man just because he happens to be my social
husband. It would be not cheating him,
but my own self! Dare you tell this to
me again, I am going to hit you hard with all my force?
There are several friends of
mine, who balance their lives happily ever after. In marriage, outside marriage, not being in
marriage. And all sorts. Having two of
you who would die for my love is what makes me crumble to pieces when I introspect
myself. If it is you, whom I want, and
I go to my husband and tell him this, he would only be happy to let me go with
you and restart my life all over again, for he never refused to do anything
that I have asked him. He cares for me
beyond what I can ask for. But that care
lacks something. Probably my
happiness.
If I tell you that I am getting
tired being between you both, you would happily leave me and go. I cannot tell you this in person, for I am
not sure that I can leave you and live in peace. You make me happy, happy beyond what I can
express. How can I complain?
Now dear, I am tired. Tired being pampered with care. Tired being loved to the core. Probably it is time for me to keep away and
silently let me calm and think. Keeping
my tired nerves to rest for a while, till I feel how best I can come rejuvenated. I hate calling you my paramour or letting
the world call me your keep. I am not
your wife, but your soul mate. Not
letting me forget I am his wife!
Tears run down my cheeks as I
write this to you, drenched in your love.
Words fail to express the thoughts that are crossing all around. Come to me dear, I need you now, more than
ever. Hug me tight and let me cry till I
feel better. If not anything, just be
my friend on whose shoulder I can lean anytime and feel that I am cared & I
am loved. Just Loved.
Sincerely loved & confused!
Yours/ (Never truly yours!)
