Wings of Time (A Haibun) - A mother's reflection of purpose, change, transformation and managing empty nest syndrome!

As I sit to eat, she used to give that shrill cry...making me jerk and just be with her. She never wanted me to leave her sight, walking behind me like a puppy to the bathroom as I shower. She used to hold tight to my legs as I got ready to work and cry out of her lungs, when I pack my travel bags to onsite. From being a young mom in early twenties, to now being a sick woman in mid-forties, my journey of life revolved around her. My thoughts, dreams and aspirations were built around her progress and existence. Slowly, the world changed. Her life too. She no longer wants my presence. My words echoed like a noise. My advices chocked her to core. My very being becoming a burden to her free fly. The mother bird has to let her young one go. That is only nature. She has to now look after her purpose, her aspirations around her own life...no longer intertwined with mine. The vacuum of empty nest syndrome is real. It can be redefining the way you lived. It has to repurpose your life. Is this not the time to actually be Selfish, like she now tells you are one! Selfish being focusing on your health, wealth and happiness. No strings attached. But the threads of life are finely interlinked that you have to be careful...not to burn bridges or bend to break beyond .... this is not a mother's cry. This is the nature's way of life. As weave into the tapestry of life. After all, life is a vicious circle! In fact, a nice roller-coaster circle of ride. Tighten your seat belts and enjoy the ride!

The Empty Nest

She once clung tight a little hand in mine,

A shadow trailing with her laughter divine.

Her cries would echo as I walked away,

Begging me, pleading, "Mom, please stay!"

Through sleepless nights and endless days,

Her world was mine in countless ways.

Dreams I wove with love so deep,

A bond unbroken and a promise to keep.

But time, the thief, so silent and sly,

Stole those moments as years flew by.

Her wings grew strong and her voice so bold,

She sought the world let go her hold.

My words, once wisdom, now just noise,

My presence faded in her joys.

No longer needed, left behind,

A silent ache, a restless mind.

Yet nature whispers, soft but true,

A mother’s love must bid adieu.

Not chains, but wind beneath her flight,

Let her soar to chase the light.

Now is my time to stand, to be,

To find the self I used to see.

Not lost, not broken, just reborn,

A life my own, no more forlorn.

The nest is empty, but skies are wide,

A journey waits, with time as guide.

So tighten your belt, embrace the tide,

Life’s a circle, a wondrous ride!

 

Wings of Time (A Haibun)

She followed me everywhere—her tiny feet pattering behind mine, her arms wrapped around my legs, her cries piercing through my heart whenever I left. Her world revolved around me, and mine around her. From the morning rush to bedtime stories, from school lunches to teenage dreams—I was always there, always needed. But time is a river, never pausing, always flowing.

Then, one day, she no longer turned back to look for me. My words, once her comfort, became a burden. My presence, once her anchor, became a chain. I watched as she broke free, soaring into a sky I once painted for her. My hands, which held her steady, now trembled with emptiness. The nest is silent, yet my heart still echoes with her laughter.

Letting go is love, too. So, I turn inward, embracing the solitude, the new beginning. The wind whispers—this is not an end, just another flight.

fallen autumn leaves—

branches stretch to touch the sky

without looking back

 

Dedicated to All Mothers

who sacrifice, who bravely fight, who give everything they can!

To their children

& 

Dedicated to all Children

who dare to dream and fly high with wind beneath their wings!

and also stay connected, rooted in love and grace 

My Daughter's Marriage Diaries : Part 1 : How it feels to be a mother of the bride?

 OVERWHELMING

BLESSING

TIRING

MISSING

THANKING

Every mother, wishes that her children should be happy, healthy and successful.  I am no different.  I used to always tell my daughter Aishwarya that her wedding is my "Pandaga", a festival.   Exactly,  I wanted to enjoy every moment of this festival.  

Right from planning, organizing and executing it to the core.  This planning started right from the time she started to blossom as a teen.   

I had to envision differently from what my mother did for her 3 daughters.  

My mother always looked it as her duty to 'sale' her daughters.  She was consciously doing every thing in her means to protect us, shield us from falling in love :-) ,  ensure we tightly close the doors and windows of our house in her absence and strict no-no to boys coming home or being friends to us even though we were in co-education.  

My mother's world was in a different generation.  Different thought process and different sentiments and social stigma of a widow raising her three daughters alone and her belief that no one should say anything wrong about her or our characters.  We were protected, planned, and married off as she wanted - all three arranged marriages and she pulling it off with her own way managing finances, time, efforts and everything in her single government salary.  Kudos and salute to my mom, before I begin writing about my journey as the bride's mother.

As a mother, we have certain instincts that we get to feel and if we don't give importance to those signals, we may miss out many things.  Mothers need to be great observers and I was no different.  I kept watching my child, her mood swings, her tantrums, her asks,  her joys and her worries.   I don't need to deeply analyze, but I can easily guess what she is going through.  Many times, she speaks about it.  Sometimes, she leaves me to my own guesses.  As this journey of the bride, she did let me have more guesses and many more guesses as we neared the date!

On the day of Sangeet, (Sangeet was superbly organized by friends of Aishwarya and Vedesh, my son-in-law) 18 Aug 2023 Friday, evening at Alumni Club, I was surprisingly invited by the MC of the evening to speak about Aishwarya.   I am a public speaker,  but that evening, as I took the mike, I could not speak. I choked up.  Tears started to flow without any second thought.  It was overwhelming.  All I said, was that I love her.  Audience went silent for few minutes and amidst the dance, songs, and loud music and lights, she started silently crying for few minutes.   Few mothers from the audience, especially Vedesh's paternal aunt came and hugged me.  I cried. I cried non-stop till my fabulous four friends gang came and gave me their gyan to stop being a spoiler of the evening.  They made me laugh again and firm up!

From that moment, I became/ behaved like an eagle.  Watching over everything that is happening under the sky.   Ensuring that everything is in place, there are no hiccups to the event anywhere, there is no stopping for money, no lack of people to support, despite the fact that I was internally super nervous.   I started behaving like a swan whose legs were fluttering in the water but stay still on the top.  

Thanks to my daughter's friend Srivats who gave me the title "Social Butterfly"...I could see the response to our invitations.  Despite of the long distance of the Dakshin Chitra venue in ECR and the unexpected rains lashing Chennai on and off,  everyone acknowledged us and graced the occasions.  We are truly blessed to have this acceptance and love of the people in our lives.   That also meant we take care of the logistics.  

One side, the biggest change in my life is happening.  To many, it would have been just a daughter's wedding.  To me, it meant, first time in 25 years, becoming a silo crusader again.  My daughter stood with me through all the ups and downs, like a rock.  She had to take up responsibilities over and above her age since her childhood, to make a decent life.   

People who insensitively said that we as family would not survive, our marriage would not sail through,  the social stigma of schizophrenia striking its worst cords on my husband, we raising together and ensuring he is a great dad, a wonderful husband was not an easy journey.    The biggest moment of happiness for all three of us was when inadvertently the pujari (priest) asking if we can have the bride in her dad's lap and do the wedding.  HE SAID YES.   Hola,  it just happened.  What a moment of pride for us.  What a moment of victory against the social stigmas.  What a moment of joy that we would cherish.  Every struggle vanished with that glorious moment.   He may not have earned riches, but he earned that wonderful respect.  

Moment of love, affection and respect!

Mom and daughter love breaking stereotypes.  I felt fairly surprised when my daughter wanted to tie the mangal sutra to her bridegroom and the groom was also ok to it.  However, the elders in the homes on both sides weren't ok for this and they felt it is not the moment to make their wedding a spectacle.   I felt disappointed personally as my daughter's wish to break this stereotype didn't happen.  However, there are many ways to show equality in a relationship than in this age old ritual.   I felt anxious to the whole conversations surrounding this and had to agree with the majority in the family.  MOMENTS OF ANXIETY don't stop you see!

Aishwarya as a bride did most of the planning with her bridegroom.  They took the lead in selecting the vendors, choosing the menu, weaving up their attires,  planning the events and lot more.  The Project Manager in me dwelled in pride and happiness that our children are independent to take decisions and also being accountable for that.  That they can plan, decide, check and act accordingly.  What else a mother would want?

My sisters pointed out that first time, a bride in the family is enjoying her wedding than being anxious or in fear.  Yes, that is because she knows her man, his family, her future together.  She is confident in her choices and actions.   She is self-made young woman with multiple talents and hard-work.  At 25, she has 4 films to her credit, several projects and a good career as a senior designer.  

End of the day, our society sees success by where we are in our career and growth trajectory.   She is the 4th generation independent, self-reliant woman in the family,  taking over a balanced path of career and family life with support of her family and friends.  The MOTHER MONSTER in me is TRULY HAPPY that my daughter will still focus on her career, achievements and passion and have a solid work-life balance.  It is not easy. Yet POSSIBLE!

With spondylitis and infections hitting her a month before her wedding, I was super worried.  Thankfully, the intervention of the right medical help, thanks to all family and friends who suggested and directed us to right medical care, she was able to handle herself throughout the wedding.   It is equally important to have good health along with happiness.  Thanks to her mother-in-law who stood by her patiently and giving her the mental strength to regain her health, supporting her with simple living and high thinking ideologies,  suggesting good eating and sleeping habits,  Aishwarya took all this with respect and gratitude to her and all well-wishers.   

After the 3 years of pushing the children to agree for marriage, after almost 6 months of intense planning and 6 weeks of extended family and friends around us,  the 3 days festival went well.  The rains god's came down to bless us and interrupt us for a while,  disturbing few of our guests commuting and dinner, but few hiccups are unplanned and unexpected. We truly wished the rains didn't pour during reception. Sorry to all those who struggled in rain! for us!

The moments of surprise, the moments of fear,  the moments of anxiety came to an end as our daughter embarked on her new journey as a New Bride into a new household.   The household that welcomed her with love, respect and affection.   

So if you are planning for your daughter to getting married,  just go with the flow.  Feel every odd feeling that comes on its way.  Enjoy the moments.   Be prepared for the empty nest syndrome.  Make friends and regain your hobbies, so that you refill your plate even before you realize it is going to be empty.   Be planned for the big day, both financially, mentally and physically.   Keep yourself at reach, for her comfort and strength.  Don't push yourself and your left overs of life on her.   Don't try to live her life.   Let her make her own a  much beautiful garden filled with love, care and wisdom!

I loved being the mother of the bride!  Thank you Almighty, the Universe and all my family and friends, well-wishers and associates who made this festival a grand success!    Love Ya' All.

An year after you...... will be holding onto you....today and forever...Amma!

Thinking of you!

Today and forever

Missing your loud voice around

The discipline, the care, the concern

Every time I fell down

You stood there, 

pushing me to raise again

Since you have gone

I close my eyes and 

think of what you would say

for things that I am not sure

Morning coffees are not same again

No one can match your cooking 

Be it your kesari or simple rasam

wish I wait for one other meal with you

You were a tough task master

but I guess that really worked wonders

You were strong battling asthma

and all the evils in and out as well

Upkeeping your house like you used to do

doing what socially is right as you did

managing people and finances with ease

contentment with what you had always

none of the above is easy for me today

Rent My Womb!

She came and she saw my child

Beautiful bundle of joy and kind

Her eyes were green and thoughts gone wild

She snatched her from my arms being unkind

I felt sad that she could not be a mother,

Offered her to help the way I can do better

Promising her tears to go away titter

And let her thoughts not go to wither

What can I do to help her from not being a mother?

Can I give away my precious bundle of joy to share together?

Or can I rent my womb in turn for her joy

And make her also feel the warmth of being a mother

I could see her love for children

And the way she can take care of them in random

Why was God so unkind not to give her, her own?

To spread the happiness and belonging grown

She was just another ordinary woman with all the feelings

Reacting to the sensitivities of the society towards barren ladies

Cried alone and showed fake smiles when she was in a group

Yet, she cursed her destiny and her life that was in a soup

I could feel her sadness and relate to her as a woman

She cried when I said that I would bear her child

Caught my hands and whispered silently in my ears

That she can never feel the child her own when I am around!

Where can I go, from this world afar?

Just because I thought to be kind making her as a mother

To share my space of physical pain for her joy

At the end, I realized I need to say to this thought, a Good Bye!

Giving a child in adoption is not just another solution, having the mind and thought, heart and soul to share whom you have is the boldest thing you could do.  If infertility is an issue, open your hearts to receive the god’s child left alone in this world.  Surrogacy is just a social taboo. If that could solve the problem, go ahead and do it. But just do it on time and with the biological mother’s full will and warmth. Not for money and renting the womb…and let the foster mother shower love and care just like her own. After all, we are a country where we saw Lord Krishna enjoying both Devaki and Yasodha…foster care is not new to this world…where hearts can open to welcome anyone with same happiness and peace!

Is it not time to bridge the gap between to-be-parents and orphans in this world, so that we fill a great joy in the lives of both?   Instead of making infertility an issue,  childless couples lives a misery,  orphans children abandoned in this world,  we need to look beyond our limitations and take the bold steps that are necessary to become a better society, as strong individuals and above all happy self's by doing what our hearts say is right and what our sensible thoughts make us believe we can and move on!


Inspired by Suliaman's Poem: http://sulaimansait.blogspot.in/2013/10/surrogacy-controversy-poem.html

Best Mother's Day Gift

As a mother, I always had fascinating experiences and my child surprised me with her most touching ways possible. Especially on my birthdays, wedding anniversary, new years and now with Mother's day phobia on...infact I dont like celebrating Mother's day, father's day, lover's day and so on,,...for they are not the occasions but the very relationships of our every day life and the purpose of our living.... yet, dont want to discourage her little moments that she brighten's up my day many a times...here is just what I got today from her...the most beautiful and cherished handmade poster that I am sure is the best mother's day gift I could ever get...Love you Aish...its because of you I am what I am today...for you inspire me, encourage me and love me like no one else could do:-)