Thursday, January 27, 2011

360 Degrees...The Story of Afghan.

As a writer, I always have the urge to write what I feel, though I am many a time constrained and been careful not to end up becoming a controversy.  Hence, have delayed writing about one topic, that I kept on following for days now...and thought it should find an end.

Afghanistan.... my country's neighbour.  United States growing attention for vivid reasons.   Like every issue or a concern having 360 degrees of view, the topic of Afghanistan also raises questions beyond normal intelligence.

I heard kids singing "Pakistan,...neee pilakapeekestan" meaning, hello Pakistan, we will pull your pony tails... and  having born in post India-Pakistan division, and during the peak cricket fight between two nations,  there could be no better slogans to us than such things...for our brothers who parted away fighting with us...

A large portion of the tribal lands of Pakistan that could never come under the legal boundaries of Pak, and had their own laws and administration became sooner a breeding grounds for extremities in post World War II days with US and its allies wanting some strong arm to fight against Soviet Union. 

The fall of USSR and subsequent slowing down of Soviet Countries, the very arms that got sowed as a support system started to grow as a rebel union.  After the fall of USSR, the tribal lands still survived as the breeding grounds for Mujaheddin who later became slowly sunk as part of the Afghan extremists... who in post nineties emerged with strong footing as Taliban..... Basically if you look closely into this part of history, it is exactly what they sowed is what they are reaping.... be it UK, USA or India in any kind of partnership with both Pakistan or Afghan...

Good-neighbour-Friend syndrome, drives to the reality of the wealth that the country has in its land.  Rich natural gas and mineral wealth of Afghan is not a result of some surveys finding today.  Afghan flourished as a rich culture and long heritage for close to last 4000 years, once being the best of tourist destinations being in Central -Asia.   

The war in Afghan and its further protection by any armed forces, be it US or UK, will have no reason to be in the land once Osama is caught dead or alive.  That would mean troops have to be back home in 2011 as per the plan.  But there is a bigger reasons envisioning a long term trade relationship with a country like Afghanistan, that is now devastated by war, terrorism, Taliban and civil agitations in the name of democracy, politics and religion.   

No one will dare to take a quick end like Srilankan Rajapaske who took the bold step of making the war against LTTE as National issue than one that needs International support or consideration,  and handling it by going his way and putting an end to Prabakaran..thereby weakening LTTE all of a sudden.  He was strong enough not to let any of his neighbours or supporting countries to indulge in any of his countries internal issues which included LTTE... Taliban is no more an internal issue to Afghanistan and it is more a combined effort of US and its allies to provide support to Afghan...Moreover, as also a friendly ally,  to have its army base any day to fight against any of the Europeon or Asian Nation, just in  case the world is unfortunate to see the III world war in future.

Friday, January 14, 2011

The fall of my Autumn Leaf!

The Fall of My Autumn Leaf!
I was in her life, like a bird on the tree
Flocking here and there, as the days went by

I loved playing with her pulling around
Giggling as we played all aloud

Pushing her and bumped on her like no one did
Cried and fought with her for silly things

I found a mom in her many a time
Made fun, sang songs and rhyme

Gone to many a places with her steps
Just posing as if I am there for her help

We both loved freaking out at movies
And eating all junk food on the ways

She brought me sweet little things that I loved
And pampered me a lot like no one could

We went to Shirdi and prayed together
Used to sit at the sunflower fields and whisper afar

Proudly she taught hundreds of students in the village
There the people showed her real love in her old age

As the bird on the tree, I kept flocking all around
Leaving behind her alone, and unforgotten

Whenever the times made, I ran to see her
Spent some quite moments holding her aged hands

Slowly she started to lose her speech and walk
I used to sit at her bedside and kept silent watch

As the days went by and sickness took over her
She laid alone, silently looking into skies ailing

A year ago, when I went to see her again
She stopped to speak and looked at me with eyes in pain

I took her a radio so that she could hear songs
She showed me the TV that she never watches anymore

She pointed me to the helper of the home
A lady whom she asked me quietly to help as I can

Few months back, I ran to see her again
Hearing that she is failing and ready to go

This time too, I sat there in silence with no words
Silently, tears rolling down my thoughts and cheeks

The hospital bed looked like calling heavens
Somehow I felt that I may not see her again!

As the travel took me to other side of planet
I prayed at all lords I saw, to take her away in peace

I know she was in terrible pain and want to go
But never had the courage to let her go…

Finally as this new year stepped its turn
On another fateful Jan 9, I heard she is gone

I am in pain, a deep pain, a pain of being useless
Not being able to help her when she really needed me

I felt disgusting, that I failed to be there to see her go
May be, its godsend blessing, for it would have been so

Today, I know I don’t have her any more,
As I flock back to my tree as a wandering bird

Yet, somewhere, deep in me, there is a thought
That, that humble soul is somewhere close to my heart!

Yes, she was my real cherished Autumn Leaf
With Tears, I wish, May her Soul Rest in Peace!

My dad’s elder sister, Smt.Vimala Bai, fondly called ‘Pedda attaya’ passed away on 9 Jan 2011. Miss her so much!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Love my Jigzaw puzzle - Traditional Chattel House, Barbodos

I spent a close to 7 hours over the weekend on Saturday, enjoying, struggling, concentrating and finally making it complete, fixing 500 unique shaped pieces of the Colorluxe 500 from Lafayette Puzzle Factory. And here is the outcome...a beautiful house picture...which my husband promised me to get framed up for our home!



Traditional Chattel House, Barbodos- Puzzle fixed by Uma!


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Tribute to my Dad...

No amount of tributes will hold a peace to his beloved daughters., for whom he dreamt beyond an ordinary man’s thoughts could go. My dad was like any other loving father in this world, a simple man with a steady job, a happy family of three little daughters with whom he liked playing always, dressing up them like dolls, buying them fancy and otherwise forbidden things by my mom, and also helping them with studies and homework. He had this unique sense of humor and a never compromising smile. He was duly respected by his colleagues and ardently cherished by his friends even today.

So what is special of this person? His specialty is that even after close to 2 decades of his passing away, his presence is felt in the lives of his children every day. His dreams don’t let us rest in peace, and keep us haunting to aspire more and more in life. He taught us what all fathers do and something different too…both in his life and death. His life taught us to be kind, loving, smiling, dreaming and aspiring, playing wonders with words and writing poetry to rekindle our imagination and thoughts, playing shuttle and participating in every damn thing that is competitive in this world, and sometimes win it brightly or smile when we fail and aim again!

In his death, we learnt much more stronger lessons of life. Tolerance, Managing Poverty, that meager resources are never a cause to aspire big, to fight out any odd situations, balance work and personal lives, securing our children’s financial futures, and the need to take care of health, with better lifestyles, and our faith in God and his wonders.


It was on 9th January 1992,Thursday, a chilly winter morning in a then a town, called Eluru in West Godavari District of Andhra Pradesh, that changed our lives forever. The memories of that day and the following haunts me like no other incident in life. The was the first taste of tragedy to three minor girls whose lives was hitherto happy, crispy and smiles filled. Within a hour from the time, he woke me up at 5 am saying that he was having acute pain on his left side of the body, everything was over. I rushed to the family doctor just 4 houses away and pulled him out of sleep to attend on my dad. He said that his cardiac readings are low and we need to rush him to a closeby hospital which has an ECG machine. With help of my neighbor and my best friend, we rushed him to Dr Y. Jagan Mohan Reddy. I can never forgive this doc in my life for the way he handled the situation. May be he was aware that its of no use doing anything further, he said that we have to move him to Vijayawada for getting a Cardiac special treatment. He could have tried to revive or try CPR and keep him stable for a while till his condition stabilized or deteriorated instead, he made me take back my dad home and make travel plans to Vijayawada which was like 60 miles from home. By the time, I was handling all this, I didn’t realize time is running out!. My younger sister was just 11 and sleeping. My grandmom was 65 and crying. I was the only one who could help. I put up a bold face and just don’t know from where the courage came in. Guess what, he asked me to get a paper and pen at 5.40 am and started writing a leave letter to his office….and while doing so in just a matter of 3-4 minutes, the pen fell down from his hand. By then Rajana and his mom, our neighbours rushed. Aunty was working as RN in local government hospital and she checked his pulse and told me to inform relatives including my mom who was then in Chennai with my elder sister……it was close to 5.50 am…I didn’t want to give up. Within seconds, me and Rajana took him a Rickshaw trying to take him back to Dr Jagan again…. With in 5 mins, as we were crossing the temples of Lord Ayyappa and Durga Ma, his head fell on my hands….sending shivers in me for the first time in life. It was 5.55 am, Rajana hugged me tightly. I saw the sun raising in the East above the temples. I know of a sun-set in my hands….

That day I know how much a proper medical care is yet to reach our Rural India. The need for good hospital, sensible doctors and proper medical care is still missing in many towns and villages of India, there by leaving helpless families succumb to unforeseen situations.

Even after I saw his head lying silently in my hands, we rushed him to Dr Jagan’s hospital again. He declared his death. By then few of our neighbours and dad’s collegues reached the hospital. We took a jeep and brought his lifeless body back home. I looked blank. I did not cry. Jai was still sleeping. My grandmom fainted. I just asked Rajana’s mom to take care of her..and then took my dad’s dairy and made the first call to Chennai..informing the worst news I could deliver. The morning left behind a full family of ladies grieving and helpless and futures so very uncertain!. Then, I called my dad’s boss and told him to arrange for some ice as I know it will be a day by the time my family reaches Eluru from Chennai. There were no much of ice boxes like of today in that town then. I took his dairy and rode on Rajana’s cycle to the near by post office…to send the telegrams to a list of my relatives that my dad kept the contacts list in his dairy… The man at counter looked at me with bewilderment. Probably, it was the day, I first broke the glass ceiling in life not even knowing of such a term then. Just because, what was so far expected a man’s domain of handling affairs started to slowly and steadily getting unfolded with me handling the situation. I got back home, stood bravely next to him for long 8 hours, taking politely all the condolences and grieving around....and my first set of relatives arrived. My dad’s sister and family and my uncle..the only male relative in the family at that time. I still stood there without crying. My dad’s office, and neighbours really helped so much… doing everything possible. After few hours, my elder sister and mom arrived with another set of relatives. I hugged my sister tightly and told her that lets sit and watch him whole night for we may never get to see him again after the dawn. She kept crying and I kept staring. Today I really wonder, how did I display such a remorse and unshaken courage? I just don’t know.


Haunting Images of Jan 10th..More Painful!


As the day unfolded and sun rose again…the pain continued. First time, the discussion of who would do the last rites aroused. People were discussing this at my ear’s length. I already know the answer and it was the time to just tell them and stop them guessing. It was my dad’s last words that gave me the direction and courage…that I should take care of my family and do everything for them. Yes, I stood by it. It was his wish I do and it includes with my first responsibility. I was just a young girl in her tenth standard…just 15 years old and shaken. But why the hell that should stop me from my responsibilities. I called my dad’s best friend aside and told him that it was his last wish that I will do his last rites. He did not get shocked for he knew his friend so much. My dad always brought us up with such a care that we can manage our things..and me more like a boy. But my declaration drew a much bigger debate ., that, are girls allowed to cremate , does the religion allow, is it right or wrong, can someone else do with just me watching or being at home after giving the ghee lit sticks and so on.

That was the first taste of gender awareness to me in life. Do we women need to think being aware on those lines? It was not the day for debate. Seeing my anger and pain, my uncle came to rescue. He said that, let Uma do what her dad wished, I will stand by her and help her to carry on the rituals. In the Hindu community, in that town, I didn’t realize it would be a news for long time. Even remembered till this day. Rest of my relatives also did not debate for all of them know that they cannot stay back for more than 2 weeks just in case they take up the responsibility. As everything got arranged, my sister started to yell at peak saying don’t bath my dad in cold water, he never liked it. I was thinking to what extent we go blank in those kind of tragedies. My kid sister stood silently and crying not realizing the bigger impacts of the day in our lives. I don t think people let my mom and grandmom grieve in private and it was so chaotic. I hardly spoke to anyone. Rajana forced me to a cup of milk before I went for the cold water shower. There was an unexpected courage, a sense of new blood flowing all over me, and I came and sat with the pandit and my men folk. As the time came and the palanquin to carry him on his final journey got ready, I could hear cries to the loudest. My dad was just in his forties and well admired in the town. I took the pot with the smoking coal and ghee sticks and walked in front of the crowd with my dad’s cousins all around. It was most traumatizing moments years later remembering that day. I walked through the burial ground, saw my dad for the last time on the pyre and lit the fire with a deep calmness. They forced me not to look back and walk away…but after few steps I quickly turned back and saw the fire raging over his body. That fire is stopped in my eyes forever! I don’t like watching these scenes in movies or attending funerals after that. I go and see people when they are well, they are ailing or when I know they are going to be gone soon…but mostly avoid watching the last journeys unless it is very important to attend.


From that day Death to me is nothing and the only thing ..the only end to every human being. No matter, how rich or poor, how big or small, how good or bad, how healthy or not, this end is inevitable. So worrying about it is not worthy of it. It is important that we make our lives worthwhile while we are still alive. It is worthy to have helped at least few people who would remember us after we are gone.

When did I cry then and how did I overcame it?

It was on Friday late evening I was sitting on the table at the opposite grocery store and staring at the skies. Lot of people went back to their homes. Rajana came and kept talking to me all about daddy. I shouted at him to stop. He said, if you cry, I will stop. I said, I am not getting tears. I am ok. He said, it is wrong sign not to cry at that situation. I smiled back at him saying I am really fine. His mom came and spoke to me saying that I can atleast talk to her. She brought to me few greetings that my dad gave to their family on every Christmas. She spoke on each year Christmas and cried thinking that would influence me to cry. I looked at her for being funny. After having proper dinner in the last two days, I went to bed early. The next morning, at 6 am, Rajana came home and asked me to come out with him. He said, I will take you to pampula cheruvu ( A close by man made lake with lots of taps). I said ok, and told my grand mom not to search for me. He rode me straight to the cremation ground. I shouted on this that he is playing tricks on me early in the morning. He dragged me to the place where we cremated my dad the previous day. He showed a heap of ashes and said, ‘this is your dad,. He is dead and gone. You better realize that. You are acting as if nothing had happened in your life. He is no more, he is not going to take you on his scooter, he is not going to play with you anymore, he is not going to help you in school work. He is dead!’. He made me touch those ashes….I became silent. I kept staring at those ashes for many minutes before I ran back to the cycle and sitting there on the ground. I hid my face in my lap and cried. Cried aloud. Cried till I realized the fact. Cried and Cried. First time the fear of being in a graveyard engulfed on me. First time, I felt back like a little girl after close to 3 days of my dad’s passing away. I felt much better after that incident. I thanked Rajana for being sensible and even today when we speak, we recall the way things unfolded and how slowly I started behaving normal like two of my sisters. At times, the man in me arises….but most often the woman in me remains intact after that day. After few years, when I was describing this to a doctor friend, I remember her telling me that I would have been depressed and suicidical for long many year had it not been the way, the reality dawned on me. For it is not easy to be unnatural for long. It is better to be natural always. Now where is the question of glass ceiling, gender bias and all that feminist scrap. It is good to be out there natural, emotional and the way god made us to be. Same time situations like this teach us not be vulnerable, to be strong and brave.. to be tolerant and sensible., to be focused and move on!



Close to 20 years…Today, it all remains as memories..both good and painful. Teaching us lot of things that no books or studies taught us. Tragedies happen. Dreams get destroyed halfway through. But yet, we should learn to Move On! You can never give up in life no matter what., overcome tragedies, rebuild dream and reconstructing lives is more important. My grand mom went ahead to live with my aunt for the rest of her life till she passed away in 2003…and my mom bravely fought real odds till she shaped our destinies in a different way. My dad dreamt of making us Engineer, Lawyer and a doctor in the order we were born…nothing happened as he dreamt. But well, I guess we made something in our lives for which he would definitely be proud of where ever he is ! If not anything bigger, at least as good human beings and being sensible wives, caring mothers and daughters and above all as professionals, poets and writers.

Today we celerbated the birthday our first son Ajay in the family, whose birthday falls on Jan 11th...and we know....we have moved on with grace, pride and happiness as his daughter till holding his fondest memories intact for ever!
May god let my dad rest in peace! And his dreams continue within our thoughts and actions! Love you Dad and Miss you too!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Benefits of Writing Sri Rama Jayam

Rama Koti is a divine Prasad of Rama Nama Japam and Rama Nama Sankirthanam in Rama Namavalli .

As my husband started the New Year, with writing the Sri Rama Jayam after I mentioned that my grandmother used to write when we were young, my half baked knowledge on the same, made me do a bit of research on what exactly does this practice do to oneself. I was amazed to gather the below information which I would like to share with my readers as the first post of this year!

• Writing Sri Rama Jayam is called Likitha Japam- Writing Meditation. This gives one a complete sense of surrender to an inner conscience and peace while writing the golden words.

• You can write this in any language of your choice. It is the connecting chords with the divine and your inner self.

• In the olden days, the finished Rama Jayam books used to be buried in the foundations of the temples while under construction. It is believed that it used to add divine energisation to the Temples along with laying a strong foundation for a spiritual life of the writers

• It is believed that a calmness engulfs as one indulges in writing the Sri Rama Jayam bringing in more clarity of mind, tolerance and strength to withstand obstacles in life

• The mantra forms an unending stream of bliss and a inner noise proclaiming that the Universe is just expanding giving in more opportunities and prosperity

• As you write this matra – in small measures, every day, as and when possible, with due respect, it makes everything else of life’s needs fall in place automatically., just like a miracle of nature guiding its forces

• The mythological references states that the name of Rama is more strong and divine than the Lord Rama himself. When something is started with Om, Sri Ganesh, Sri Rama, they actually wade away all evil.

• Vedas tell that as the sun dispels the darkness, the chanting of Rama Nama dispels all evil and obstacles of life. It is a way of liberation and salvation of human suffering.

• When you think, that all roads are blocked to walk away from day to day problems, writing ‘Sri Rama Jayam’ gives you the most needed clarity of thoughts to find a way out of odd situations

• Preserve the completed books carefully and donate them to temples. These books are preserved for many years and used during Temple expansions

• Kanchi Kamakoti Mutt Pettadipathi’s in olden days used to give one small ‘Kamatchi Amman’ coins to who ever gives one completed book of ‘Sri RamaJayam’ as a token of god’s grace

• Ramacharitra Manas, Vibhishana Gita and Gita Press and Chinamay Mission discourses talk about the divinity of Rama Nama japa. It is called a writing tapas

• It is said that ‘Crores’ of Rama Mantras in the books are collected and placed in a crypt and used during Yagna’s in the Rama Mandir’s in India. Rama Mandir in Wadala Mumbai preserves them for future.

• Writing competitions of the one lakh Rama Jayam used to be nostalgic memories of growing years of many hindu children. These were preserved as treasures to pass on to their future.

• Hindu way of living is seeing humanity in everything around. Writing Rama Jayam gives you a inner awakening towards to human mind, being kind , calm and serene.

• Chanting Shastra Namavalli, Lakshmi Shastra Namanarchana and above writing Rama jayam is considered a soul-ful experience wading away fear and pain from lives

• The act of writing ‘Sri Rama Jayam’ is important and keep his thoughts while doing so, is more important than the script, language or number., though for all longevity of the process a number in mind is planned while making a start

• A selfless and non-expectation while writing gives you more happiness and potential than expecting something writing. For you are a god’s child, and God knows what you want and will give you what you are destined for and deserve. You don’t need to ask God for anything.

• Devotion of service of life and its varied forms is devotion to God. So there is no right or wrong way of writing this. The very thought and process to write is a connection with god and finds a inner meaning.

• It is a gateway to higher consciousness and spiritual upliftment. The chanting of Ram Mantra protects you with divine flow of energy transforming a balanced progress in your materialistic well being and spiritual wellness

• Ram Ramapati Bank in Varanasi and Ram Ram bank in Lucknow where Ram bhaktas deposit Ram naam in thousands and lakhs. More info is available in the following links.http://www.indiaprofile.com/religion-culture/spiritualbank.htm and http://ia.rediff.com/news/2003/dec/08spec.htm

• Sri Tulshidas writings say that ” If you place Ram naam in the tip of your tongue ( which is like the gate of the temple) then you will see both inside and outside shining with light ”

• “Shri Ram Jaya Ram Jaya Jaya Ram” is a siddha mantra and whoever uses it will reap a harvest that he himself can never expect. Numerous saints and ordinary people have benefited from this mantra from times immemorial. In this age of Kali yuga it is a medicine which can fade away sins and all other unwanted things in life. It is advised that we chant Rama nama even when we visit Hanuman temples.

Thanks to many people who throwed more light on this Endeavour making my first post of the year valuable.