My Daughter's Marriage Diaries : Part 2 : How did we get customized sarees for all events of the wedding?

 CREATIVITY

SUPPORTING A DYING ART

WEAVING DREAMS

GOING TRADITIONAL

CREATING UNIQUE MASTERPIECES

Trust me, the choices are too many for this age saree wearers!!!  At the same time, there is so much of confusion on authenticity of the fabric, too many designs and too many quick machine made material.   

One side, the traditional weaving on the "thari" - hand weaving machine is getting hard hit due to the lack of right labour with the age-old expertise and finesse.  At the same handwoven sarees have become super-expensive due to the lack of right raw material, increasing cost of threads, gold and silver used and labour cost.  The unexpected climatic conditions add to their woes.  No traditional weavers are living in riches and the art is struggling to sustain.   

My daughter being a graduate from a Fashion school that was part of preserving the traditional crafts and arts, was keen on supporting weavers for her wedding.  She was also adamant that every saree should be hand-woven, supporting the weavers and we do not bargain with them.   

We did not listen to her for the engagement and she made us atleast visit 12 shops in Chennai before selecting her kanchivaram for the engagement.  We spent multiple errands to Kanakavalli, Nalli, Kumaran, Tulsi Silks, Vara Mahalakshmi, Palam Silks, Sreenivasa,  RMKV, Pothys, and finally chose the one for engagement from T.Nagar Sundari Silks.   Her mother-in-law and she had all the enthusiasm in the world for this saree-hopping, but I got exhausted!  I am not a person who spends too much of time shopping.  So this experience was kind of drilling for me!  But I enjoyed their enthu!!!  Outcome was a beautiful traditional pink-purple saree which looked beautiful on her!   Alas!  One part done!!!

The biggest saga of sarees started after we finalized the wedding.  Trust me I wasn't ready for another running around the city.  Thankfully her dear professors in NIFT suggested super good weavers from Kanchipuram and in the annual craft-mela, she met few weavers, spoke to them, saw their process first hand and short listed couple of them.  

First week of April, she asked both the mothers, if we would like to join her to Kanchipuram.  Both of us had work, but the curiosity made me take a day off and join her, and I pulled my sister-in-law along for support,

We didn't know that Friday was the day, the TTDC Thayar Temple (Mahalakshmi Temple in T.Nagar) was having its kubabishekam (Opening Ceremony) and we crossed the bridge as we heard the loud temple bells.   It started pouring that day. (Genuine weavers would only meet on Fridays for discussing on the wedding sarees I guess) .  We felt the rain as the divine blessings in the hot summer!

That day, we met the weavers (very senior weaver and his son who is now managing the business) and they showed us the whole process.  They showed us the prints and designs (paper-back) which were more than 100 years old.  The manual labour involved was super intense and the quality of the threads were top-notch.   The color-schemes were mind-blowing! It was truly a different world that I had no knowledge of!

Following week, we had her in-laws joining us and we went to Kanchi Kamakshi temple and then to the weavers.  This time, the weavers helped us see the threads,  the silks that would be used, and many more additional color palettes.   Her in-laws were also super happy to see the process despite the fact that this would be expensive and time-consuming.   Good things come to those who know to wait!!

Thankfully, the young couple were sure of the colors they want for the wedding.   The traditional araku (Red- brown) colour for wedding saree was confirmed.  My daughter wanted to design her own saree.   She took pictures of the designs she liked with peacocks,  elephants, flowers, kolams etc.   She wanted to use the same thought process and created her unique designs.    I wanted to recreate the saree my mother gifted for my wedding.  A beautiful traditional green with araku border.   She was up for it and gift from the parents home.  

Then came the big one.  The Reception dress!  We mothers were surprised when she said, that she wanted to go traditional for the reception, again in her favorite kanchivaram!   This time she was having her inspiration story board.   Celluloid worlds divas Rekha and Sumalatha who dorned in Gold emblazed sarees earlier.  The bride wanted a pure silk (60 counts silk) in Gold and she choose couple of threads for dyeing.   Weaver cautioned her saying that the color she has in mind and the actual color of the saree would have differences and they are going to dye the threads and it depends on the combinations.   She was game for it!   I started getting nervous.  I don't her to refuse taking the saree after weaving if it does not match her story board!    As expected the saree after 8 weeks of weaving came up differently!!!!   But thankfully, it exceeded her expectations!!!!   I thanked God for the saree was not only expensive but it involved intense labor of 3 weavers for 8 odd weeks.   How relieved I was!!!

I was super excited to order few more sarees, in pink with violet border,  green with red border, half-white with pink border for me and my sisters and sister-in-law.    The weaver initially screwed up the white one and had to redo the work (she doesn't settle for anything less in quality)  Similarly, we ordered one yellow one in Mat format (Pai madi) and it also wasn't as we expected but we accepted it as it was purely customized and he can't sell outside.  So challenges in sarees were all part of the wedding gallata. 

Same time, weavers helped us to pick plenty of machine made sarees from the market, wholesalers, top rated shops in Kanchipuram for most of my extended family, close relatives and friends and also silk vesties for men.  They came along with us and patiently explained what is best in the budgets we wanted.  They ensured, that we get good quality one's from the market.   They hinted us what not to pick at every stage of buying.   We did at-least 6 to 7 times errands to Kanchipuram,  spent hours of time to ensure, all our clan are dressed up beautifully for the wedding.   RMKV and Ramraj Cottons was our go to place for men's wear and they customized most of our requirements.   

Thankfully, our efforts turned into super duper colourful wedding.  Everyone looked in their best.  Especially the bride and groom and their galaxy of friends!   

Some one asked me, why I spent so much! I replied that it is my way of thanking all those who helped us travel from zero to this far.  In was in fact, I took this as an opportunity and a moment of gratitude especially  to my dad and mom's siblings, cousins for they helped my mother sail through 3 of our weddings single handedly.  Several of my friends stood with me for ages when I could have just withered away.  I wanted all of them to be part of our 'pandaga' (festival of joy).   We started this gifting of sarees with our important family deities and I am sure they showered their blessings on all.  

Thank you Mom and Dad for watching over us!  I hope we made you happy in heavens!   We need all your blessings !!!

This is our story,  Our Sarees Story!!!

My Daughter's Marriage Diaries : Part 1 : How it feels to be a mother of the bride?

 OVERWHELMING

BLESSING

TIRING

MISSING

THANKING

Every mother, wishes that her children should be happy, healthy and successful.  I am no different.  I used to always tell my daughter Aishwarya that her wedding is my "Pandaga", a festival.   Exactly,  I wanted to enjoy every moment of this festival.  

Right from planning, organizing and executing it to the core.  This planning started right from the time she started to blossom as a teen.   

I had to envision differently from what my mother did for her 3 daughters.  

My mother always looked it as her duty to 'sale' her daughters.  She was consciously doing every thing in her means to protect us, shield us from falling in love :-) ,  ensure we tightly close the doors and windows of our house in her absence and strict no-no to boys coming home or being friends to us even though we were in co-education.  

My mother's world was in a different generation.  Different thought process and different sentiments and social stigma of a widow raising her three daughters alone and her belief that no one should say anything wrong about her or our characters.  We were protected, planned, and married off as she wanted - all three arranged marriages and she pulling it off with her own way managing finances, time, efforts and everything in her single government salary.  Kudos and salute to my mom, before I begin writing about my journey as the bride's mother.

As a mother, we have certain instincts that we get to feel and if we don't give importance to those signals, we may miss out many things.  Mothers need to be great observers and I was no different.  I kept watching my child, her mood swings, her tantrums, her asks,  her joys and her worries.   I don't need to deeply analyze, but I can easily guess what she is going through.  Many times, she speaks about it.  Sometimes, she leaves me to my own guesses.  As this journey of the bride, she did let me have more guesses and many more guesses as we neared the date!

On the day of Sangeet, (Sangeet was superbly organized by friends of Aishwarya and Vedesh, my son-in-law) 18 Aug 2023 Friday, evening at Alumni Club, I was surprisingly invited by the MC of the evening to speak about Aishwarya.   I am a public speaker,  but that evening, as I took the mike, I could not speak. I choked up.  Tears started to flow without any second thought.  It was overwhelming.  All I said, was that I love her.  Audience went silent for few minutes and amidst the dance, songs, and loud music and lights, she started silently crying for few minutes.   Few mothers from the audience, especially Vedesh's paternal aunt came and hugged me.  I cried. I cried non-stop till my fabulous four friends gang came and gave me their gyan to stop being a spoiler of the evening.  They made me laugh again and firm up!

From that moment, I became/ behaved like an eagle.  Watching over everything that is happening under the sky.   Ensuring that everything is in place, there are no hiccups to the event anywhere, there is no stopping for money, no lack of people to support, despite the fact that I was internally super nervous.   I started behaving like a swan whose legs were fluttering in the water but stay still on the top.  

Thanks to my daughter's friend Srivats who gave me the title "Social Butterfly"...I could see the response to our invitations.  Despite of the long distance of the Dakshin Chitra venue in ECR and the unexpected rains lashing Chennai on and off,  everyone acknowledged us and graced the occasions.  We are truly blessed to have this acceptance and love of the people in our lives.   That also meant we take care of the logistics.  

One side, the biggest change in my life is happening.  To many, it would have been just a daughter's wedding.  To me, it meant, first time in 25 years, becoming a silo crusader again.  My daughter stood with me through all the ups and downs, like a rock.  She had to take up responsibilities over and above her age since her childhood, to make a decent life.   

People who insensitively said that we as family would not survive, our marriage would not sail through,  the social stigma of schizophrenia striking its worst cords on my husband, we raising together and ensuring he is a great dad, a wonderful husband was not an easy journey.    The biggest moment of happiness for all three of us was when inadvertently the pujari (priest) asking if we can have the bride in her dad's lap and do the wedding.  HE SAID YES.   Hola,  it just happened.  What a moment of pride for us.  What a moment of victory against the social stigmas.  What a moment of joy that we would cherish.  Every struggle vanished with that glorious moment.   He may not have earned riches, but he earned that wonderful respect.  

Moment of love, affection and respect!

Mom and daughter love breaking stereotypes.  I felt fairly surprised when my daughter wanted to tie the mangal sutra to her bridegroom and the groom was also ok to it.  However, the elders in the homes on both sides weren't ok for this and they felt it is not the moment to make their wedding a spectacle.   I felt disappointed personally as my daughter's wish to break this stereotype didn't happen.  However, there are many ways to show equality in a relationship than in this age old ritual.   I felt anxious to the whole conversations surrounding this and had to agree with the majority in the family.  MOMENTS OF ANXIETY don't stop you see!

Aishwarya as a bride did most of the planning with her bridegroom.  They took the lead in selecting the vendors, choosing the menu, weaving up their attires,  planning the events and lot more.  The Project Manager in me dwelled in pride and happiness that our children are independent to take decisions and also being accountable for that.  That they can plan, decide, check and act accordingly.  What else a mother would want?

My sisters pointed out that first time, a bride in the family is enjoying her wedding than being anxious or in fear.  Yes, that is because she knows her man, his family, her future together.  She is confident in her choices and actions.   She is self-made young woman with multiple talents and hard-work.  At 25, she has 4 films to her credit, several projects and a good career as a senior designer.  

End of the day, our society sees success by where we are in our career and growth trajectory.   She is the 4th generation independent, self-reliant woman in the family,  taking over a balanced path of career and family life with support of her family and friends.  The MOTHER MONSTER in me is TRULY HAPPY that my daughter will still focus on her career, achievements and passion and have a solid work-life balance.  It is not easy. Yet POSSIBLE!

With spondylitis and infections hitting her a month before her wedding, I was super worried.  Thankfully, the intervention of the right medical help, thanks to all family and friends who suggested and directed us to right medical care, she was able to handle herself throughout the wedding.   It is equally important to have good health along with happiness.  Thanks to her mother-in-law who stood by her patiently and giving her the mental strength to regain her health, supporting her with simple living and high thinking ideologies,  suggesting good eating and sleeping habits,  Aishwarya took all this with respect and gratitude to her and all well-wishers.   

After the 3 years of pushing the children to agree for marriage, after almost 6 months of intense planning and 6 weeks of extended family and friends around us,  the 3 days festival went well.  The rains god's came down to bless us and interrupt us for a while,  disturbing few of our guests commuting and dinner, but few hiccups are unplanned and unexpected. We truly wished the rains didn't pour during reception. Sorry to all those who struggled in rain! for us!

The moments of surprise, the moments of fear,  the moments of anxiety came to an end as our daughter embarked on her new journey as a New Bride into a new household.   The household that welcomed her with love, respect and affection.   

So if you are planning for your daughter to getting married,  just go with the flow.  Feel every odd feeling that comes on its way.  Enjoy the moments.   Be prepared for the empty nest syndrome.  Make friends and regain your hobbies, so that you refill your plate even before you realize it is going to be empty.   Be planned for the big day, both financially, mentally and physically.   Keep yourself at reach, for her comfort and strength.  Don't push yourself and your left overs of life on her.   Don't try to live her life.   Let her make her own a  much beautiful garden filled with love, care and wisdom!

I loved being the mother of the bride!  Thank you Almighty, the Universe and all my family and friends, well-wishers and associates who made this festival a grand success!    Love Ya' All.

'The lease of new life is the gift of God in the New Year!". Thanking the guiding stars of my life! Now as a Covid Conqueror!

Every year, it is my tradition to write the first post of the blog about a favorite deity and this year is no different.    After my family and I had to take our first ride of the year in the Ambulance in the early  hours of 1 January 2022,  I had no thoughts.   There was an absolute blankness in mind,  but a firm faith in the God, that this too shall pass.   I did not even want to do a root cause analysis on the source of Covid that just caught us all at a time, with fullest of its new form variant symptoms and absolutely made us disoriented for a while.    The guiding deities of my life are my parents and grandmother.

As first Aishu drove us to the Rapid tests,  and our little puppy dog waiting eagerly in the car for us to come back,  the tests going positive, again going back home to pick our stuff and getting back in Ambulance to Kings, and the long queues of waiting and having no energy to even stand, we got back to Medway Hospital and took CT scans, needed hospitalization and as a family started our first 'outing' of the year in a very interesting way!

Today is my 10th day in hospital.  Recovering slowly and steadily from the 'Covid' after my family got back home last Friday, 7th Jan.   Yesterday, was my dad's 30th death anniversary.   I spent in silence, meditation and prayers sitting in my hospital bed.   I generally do lot of puja things at home, go to temple, do some food donations and feed cows etc.  This year, being 30th year, I thought few more things in his memory as it is also a Sunday.  But looks like he had different plans for me.  Most of the day, I spent in chanting, in his good old memories,  his guiding light and blessings all these years.   Just a week back, I went around the places where I spent most of my childhood with him.  Recalling those was the best part of the day.

Covid took the energy out of me like hell...fatigue like never before...longest stint of hospitalization,  weakening my heart and fluctuating my diabetic levels crazily like never before (Of course, I am a sweet person, I am loved!).    Cough, intermittent fever, severe cold, body-aches, headache like a rock on my head, tiredness (crazily sleeping 18 hours and feeling tired ugh),  pandemic did not spare us and the universe wanted us to experience this too!  

First time in many years, I spent a whole week gadget free,  away from internet, continuous conference calls, laptop and social media.   Phone was the only connect with loved ones who kept worrying about us.   It showed me how lucky I am to have my family backing me up...especially my sisters and families, and Raghu's sister and elder brother family and loads of friends, cousins and extended family who prayed for us.   Especially we will be truly grateful to Raghu's sister for taking care of our 4 month old Rumi with so much of love.   The strongest of my sisters crying every time seeing me having ups and downs being bed ridden, was a mixed emotion to experience.  My office, colleagues and friends in our Covid support team,  everyone wishing me well.  Sometimes,  adversities show you what you have earned in life.   The people who love you is what matters and in that way, I think I am absolutely rich!

Yes, we did have had a rough beginning to the year!   WE did have a scare of life.  We did experience the pandemic.   However, this did not deter our spirits.    

I may need some more time to get back to my active social life...but this whole experience had only strengthened my resolve.   I may upset my sisters who keep pushing me to be selfish and focus on my life, my health and family at least now.  Of course I will do that.  I will respect their thoughts for me.  I love to listen to them.   But same time, I will also surely listen to what my heart says.  What my calling is!  This time, I will not risk my health but will surely give back the way I still can.  After all, this is one life.   I will live my life to the lees!

Thank you everyone for making my journey meaningful.   Thanks to  my family, friends and all my colleagues, well-wishers and all those great experiences that sculpture me to be a better person!!

2022...Please be a bit kinder for rest of the year dear!   Every year is a new leaf in our lives where we take it is as it is and go with the flow.   With a full heart of gratitude and compassion,  thanking my parents who are my guiding stars and sharing with you all our deity Chengalamma Parameshwari. with you all!!!

Divine Light - Remembering my father Shri. N. Sampath Kumar on his 30th Death Anniversary 09-Jan-2022

 30 Years gone by

Yet the light shines

Cannot hear you again, 

but your words echo wise

Memories fade of your physical form

but your dreams don't die in us!

Cherish my 15 years of life with you,

Memories and Lessons are not few,

You have been my one constant

despite of people saying you died, 

Fire that I lit to your pyre

rekindles the first inside me too!

Who am I?  Just a part of you!!

an extension of one man with a smile!

You are the divine force that drives

The true Divine light that guides

Love you Daddy,...gone too soon

But never forgotten :-)  

Tributes to the loss of my loved ones- Dec 2021

 2021 had been very tough year to many of us. We have lost precious souls around...many friends, relatives, neighbours and collegues who were with us at beginning of the year now remain most precious memories...due to covid, illness, age etc..some losses have disturbed us to an extent that it will take time to revive to old selves....to all those surviving such thoughts, stay strong and with comfort that our dear ones are in better place out of human sufferings...Dec had been cruel with 4 of my loved ones going one after the other especially Sreesaran Saran Sridevi, my uncle Ragupati Saidapet , my teacher Srinivasarao Vella , my opp house uncle Sri Ramanujam uncle who used to keep a close watch on us always as wellwisher... probably making me fall sick...but I will rejoice the moments I celebrated with them in life and carry their blessings and feel well soon as all 4 will not like me sulking ...wishing 2022 a better year.....

Tribute to my uncle : Saidapet Raghupati - 15 Nov 1934 - 15 Dec 2021 ( Om Shanthi)

 A life well lived... exact thought as we bid adieu to our grand old uncle in the family.. my favorite Jaya attai (aunt)'s husband and my go to uncle Ragupati Saidapet... we were eagerly waiting to celebrate his 90th birthday next year..but God had different plans!

'My little Monkey Girl'....this is how he used to tease me, as I believe I climbed on his shoulders when I was 3 years old....'Chatter box of the family'...the title I got from them..... we used to share stories of the days he worked as a Senior Bureaucrat in NTR regime in Andhra Secretariat.    A man of high integrity and simplicity, very soft spoken and very close to the family.   His 2 daughters MadhuLatha Saidapet and Asha Latha are his two eyes....he adored his wife till the end.. setting us strong couple goals in the family 🙂

Dance, Music,  Studies, Tuitions, Students,  Nice food, movies, Holi celebrations, holidays in Hyderabad,  their trips to Eluru,  they were a beautiful package of love and affection that a peaceful family needs.   It was very depressing to see my aunt sulking after he went into his final sleep yesterday morning as we saw them together for more than 5 decades....

He stood rock behind me during my dad's funeral and today, when Yamini Krishnan and I saw him on his final journey,  our hearts ached in pain.   My aunt and uncle were the one's who did kanyadanam over our wedding and Raghunath AnandaBabu is ever grateful and he felt it his responsibility to stand with the family at this hour of crisis.   

"Smile is the man"  - very soft, ever smiling, full of wit and fun, no great materialistic goals,  but peaceful, doing yoga every day, eating right,  sleeping on time, taking utmost care of his family...he was a complete man.  There are very few who influence you by their actions more than words and he was definitely one in our family.

Losing 2 important people in last 2 weeks is not easy on me, but here is a life that is well lived and need to be celebrated for the beautiful memories he left behind.   We will miss you Mammya...but truly wish we can live atleast 50% of the way you lived...Love you and keep smiling in heavens!!!

Tributes to B. Sridevi - my childhood best friend (28 Jul 1977 - 5 Dec 2021 ) Om Shanthi

 Tears rolling down as I bid farewell to my best friend from my childhood....

This is the story of 2 best friends who first met at the age of 4...both families being neighbours, and grandmothers who raised were friends, it was natural for the little girls to become instant friends...the twist to the story is everyday was a fight, fight for first bench, for standing first row in Marchfast or even to pick the lunch boxes n find best spot under the tree for lunch....the next 12 years was a superficial journey of competitive peer pressure, as this girl became an athelete, best class leader, then SPL of our batch and head girl in mock parliament...she used to feel her ego boosted every time she won over me.  She was my dad's favourite of my friends and always used to say, your dad loves me more than you...irritating me... probably she was true and thats the reason, he called her first to heavens.   

At age 44, she leaves behind two small children, boy who is 14 and girl 11 and husband n siblings heartbroken.   

She leaves behind this friend of hers feeling suddenly lonely and lost the biggest connect with her childhood, my hometown and my dad.   I feel so lost and numb

Thanks to my family, who are standing with me in this times of stillness and Raghu for coming along with me to see her one last time.   This time I will not hear her witty loud voice irritating me.   A teacher who was so hardworking leaves behind impressions that are hard to erase.   She did not have an easy life.   

Last one year her physical body was ravaged with cancer but it could never dampen her spirit.   She was loud n clear till she slipped into her final sleep.   

Wish we laughed more,. Wish we both had easy lives, we were together holding hands and raising our kids but truly wish she was there to see her children blossom.    

Yes Sridevi,. Thank you for being the finest part of my childhood and fairest part of my entire life.   I have many friends, but none who will take me granted like you fighter.   Go and rest now....you played your game well and even in this fight, it is me who lost ...Good Bye Angel ...be the tough girl you were and rule the heavens above ❤️😢

In memory of Balina Sridevi Srinivas Sreesaran Saran  28.07.1977 - 05.12.2021

Remembering and Celebrating the precious friendship I shared...

Every bit of my childhood is filled with your beautiful memories. Truly love you and miss you Sridevi. Thank you for the great friendship you gave me

An in-house inspiration called Yamini Krishnan- Journey of a College Drop Out to a Corporate HR Director...

November 15 always happens to be a day I rejoice every year.  This is the day that gifted me my elder sister, my first friend, my guide, my best critic and above all, only woman who can easily fit into my parents shoes as they slipped away with the time.   Today, she is a celebrated HR Professional and feel-good friend to be around for many.   What many do not know is the story of a strong woman behind this most-happy-good-looking-globe-trotting HR leader.

Born in a small town called Eluru, in West Godavari District of Andhra Pradesh to the parents who welcomed their baby girl.   Mother P.G.Sampath Kumari and Father N. Sampath Kumar named her Yamini Venkata Lakshmi  (Ya- for the star sign she was born into,  Venkata - for their ardently worshipped Lord Balaji for a child after the first baby being a breach born and passing away on third day of birth and Lakshmi - naming after her great grandmother).   She was fondly called as SYV Lakshmi in her St.Theresa's school days in Eluru and having born in the era when the ever green Hindi Movie 'Bobby' was released, she was fondly called Bobby at home.     She was the most favorite child of her grand mother Sakuntala Bai who raised us and she always used to cuddle her grand mother to sleep, sing songs along, enjoy the moments roaming around with her.   

Religious rituals and festivals were grandly celebrated at home and she was always a part of the singing team along with our father.   Ayyapa Bhajans used to have her singing her famous song 'Ayya Darshanam...Swamy Ayya Darshanam'.... Chanting Suprabhatam every saturday with our father was a ritual we never used to miss.  She was also good at playing badminton with our dad in his office lawns.   We both used to tag along with him to movies and eating out alot.   She was also part of the singing team  of State Government Employees Union Strike and went on the groove the 'Gadar Songs' and the so called 'Viplavanthmaka Telugu Geethalu' during the Emergency Period.  This tiny girl was just a daddy's girl doing what ever he wanted her to do.  I always had the privilege of taking over her uniforms, books and school bag as the school years slipped by.  She had close set of friends unlike me where everyone I know was in the friend list.   She used to keep her moments of joy and sorrow private and cherish every close friendship very deeply. 

After her 10th grade, parents decided to move her to Chennai for higher studies.   From an absolutely care free father to a disciplining authoritative mother, the journey was not easy.   Like all typical mothers of those days, we had our own share of restrictions.  We were not allowed to talk to strangers, keep the doors open when our mom was not around,  not allowed for movies and hanging out with friends,  and pocket money was very very limited to basic needs of commutation to school and back home.  Those were the days we did not have a gas-connection or even tubelights at home.   Yamini beared it all with ease.  The change was not easy but her focus was only on getting into an good engineering college at the end of her high school .. She used to longingly wait for our visits to Chennai with our father.. She used to wait for my dad's telephone call to next door Meenakshi aunty's house.   Those were the days where inland letters used to bring us updates, happiness and action items.   SCIMA soon became her happiest school where she made new set of friends.   

She was enjoying her city life until that cold winter morning in January 1992 that shook our lives like nothing else can.   Passing away of our father to massive heart attack at the age of 48 leaving behind aged mother, asthmatic wife, three minor girl children, widowed elder sister and affectionate younger sister and her family.   The ground under our feet quaked like hell.  Just couple of months away from the most important public exams of 12th grade,  she had to travel to Eluru to see our dad for one last time.   She reached with my mom after 12 hours of train journey and both of us hugged each other and sat next to his still frame watching him all the night.   Less did we know that our lives will be changed once for all. 

The relocation of the whole family to Chennai,  squeezing ourselves from a 4 bedroom house in Eluru to a single room and kitchen with the whole lot of things we decided to keep, life was suddenly changed.   We sisters used to find solace in each other,  We did not have the time or tide to even grieve as the stress of those times were high.  Our mother became more agitated, worried and sick.   Frequent hospitalizations,  managing without servants or support system,  depending on her meager earnings and having three young girls to deal with was becoming too much for my mother who was just in mid forties.   Our younger sister Jayanthi was so young to even understand the changes.  Bobby suddenly became more responsible, serious and more focused.  She used to protect us from my mother's wavering mood swings and situations.    For many years, we did not have money to even buy new clothes, go for a movie, or eat one meal out.   We had to share what ever my mother could provide us and we used to spend time watching cricket and tennis at home.  We used to do all house hold chores, keep our needs very limited and did not dare to argue with our mom.  

Yamini did score well in 12th grade, but could not get a seat in Engineering college through the entrance in government college.   My mother joined her in Meenakshi College for B.Sc Mathematics.   She used to silently go to college and come back in afternoon and do her share of work at home and help her younger sisters.   She was the only solace to show love and affection to both of us, as my mother was way too tied up with her office, home, relatives and running errands to pay EB bill, telephone bill,  taxes etc.  Remember those were the days we did not have internet banking, online payments or mobile phones.   We could not afford autos, forget taxies or air planes.   

We did have a fun remembrance of squeezing few Rupees to make her go and watch the movie 'Roja' when it got released without our mother's knowledge.  She was mad about Nagarjuna and loved to watch all his movies.   We as a family were mad about cricket.  

Life was becoming stressful for my mom.  We had lot of relatives and equally came lot of free advice's instead of help that mattered.   My mom strongly believed that she will not take loans nor will lend anyone.  She was the master of every penny she earned and spent.  Giving the right education and getting us married became her life goals.  

During my dad's first year anniversary, my mom was advised to get Yamini married.  She was just going to be 18.  Within couple of months, proposal for her marriage came in.  My mother silently arranged for the meeting of the bride groom at our place.  He was 23 and just lost his mother an year back.   I became wild.  Fought with her and argued with her.  But my relatives kept pushing my mother saying it is a good alliance and she should not give up.  Finally C.G.Krishnan came into our lives as a Young Bridegroom of the family marrying my sister Yamini when they were 23 and 18 respectively.   They looked cute, all smiles, all shy,  all innocent.   Yamini will go crazy if I share her wedding pics as she looks like a country-fruit...a typical south Indian timid little girl..still in her teens,  quite lost in a marriage that was just pushed on her and sudden change in life all over again.   She had to drop out of the college after completing just the first year of B.Sc Mathematics.   

Here began the evolution of Yamini Krishnan.    The timid introvert Yamini found a altogether new life ahead.   She  moved to Guntur with her young husband and father-in-law who had his own set of rules and things to deal with .  Krishnan and Yamini had an amazing set of friends who are still close even today.  On her return from her honeymoon to Ooty, she got me my first watch and a hat for Jayanthi.   We were elated to get gifts.  From that day, she brings us home gifts every time she travels and this became a tradition for her and we enjoy that even today.   She used to buy me clothes, slippers and books and also train tickets if we want to visit her.  She learnt cooking,  keeping up the house beautiful and hosting people and parties.   Krishnan stood by her like a rock support encouraging her to pursue her education.   She went ahead to continue her studies after marriage.   Her husband's frequent and maddening travel gave her time to get back to writing and she started scribbling in her blog 'Maddening Silences'  and she continued her poetry.   She used to knit and paint.  

After 5 years of marriage and after her niece Aishwarya was born, she embraced motherhood with the birth of Ajay.  She continued to pursue her education and continious learning.   Started her career as a Young HR executive, she found her calling in People Management.  She is too good at handling people, networking, negotiation and suddenly all her hidden talents of managing people and process started emerging.   Both Yamini and Krishnan enjoy travelling and probably she would have visited 25+ countries in the last 25 years and now handles several countries as part of her job responsibility..

The major turning point came when she decided to do Executive Course in management in IIM Calcutta.   From there, there is no looking back.  She did put her relentless efforts to learning and completing the course.  She became a magnet attracting people and became a go to person to resolve people issues in the Organizations she worked for.   Slowly and steadily she grew her career with care along with caring for her family.    Hardwork and sincere dedication made her break all barriers pushed into her way.  She had her fair share of challenges on home-front that she dealt with utmost courage and confidence.  She stood by us at all times and was our gatekeeper when the tsunamis of time was at our doors to succumb us.   She dared to call a spade a spade and she was very clear in her thinking, handling things and pushing her self to beat her best everytime. 

Despite of her busy and erratic work schedules, she used to take the next available flight from anywhere in the world, the  minute she heard that my mother was hospitalized.   She used to directly drive down from airport to Sooriya Hospital and sit with my mother and keep working and she did this every single time my mother fell sick.   She was there for us sisters and our children no matter what.  Her calls are comforting every day.   The happiness of having such a strong woman in our lives is a true blessing.   

I and Jayanthi did lose our parents soon, but this woman never made us miss them.  To her family comes first than anything.  Her work is her worship.   She loves traveling, driving cars and going on races, dress up bright and lighten up lives around her.   She is the strongest influence on my daughter letting her chase her dreams.  

Today Yamini Krishnan is a celebrated HR leader,  well-established Speaker,  amazing poet and writer,  very inspiring spouse of a successful Sales Leader in the Industry,  very caring mother and aunt, go-to-support sister and a great friend to many.   

Every woman can be an achiever.  But only few can achieve what Yamini could in life.  It is because of the few strong ethical values in which she strongly believes.  She motivates people and spreads happiness around...She brings in peace and happiness to our family.  She is drafting many a success stories of people around her.   

Writing her amazing journey was in my thoughts for long, and there could be no better day than today to jot this down.  

Happy Birthday My Darling Sister-  You are mine, My Pride...My support system...My best ever friend....You are best inhouse inspiration that we can have.   Shine bright my dear Bobby...Love you for ever....

15 Nov 2019.....

Celebrating the Memory of Smt. Sakuntala Bai....On her Birth Centenary 7 April 2019- A Tribute to the Grand Old Lady of My family

Smt. Sakuntala Bai ( 7 April 1919 -  18 July 2003)  -  Centenary Celebration Tribute 7 April 2019

I would call her our God Mother...for she had been our best woman in life...our Nanamma (Father's mother).   Like most of the children from Andhra Telugu households,  we were also raised by her.    Grand parents play a pivotal role in the raising of children in our part of the world, and we were just lucky to have had her as nanamma.   A very simple woman...with simple living and high thinking,  she was a big influence in our lives. 

Early Childhood and Education

She was born in Madras, in the then Madras Presidency with 3 brothers and a younger sister to Sri Jayaram and Smt Lakshmi Bai on 7 April 1919.   They had a very strong family connect, where her nieces and nephews are still connected and we stand by each other during all good and bad days even today.   Her brother J.C.Krishnan and J. Parthasarathy and Sister Smt. Radha Bai were of great support, help and influence on her.     In those era of British Empire in India..she went to pursue her education in Lady Wellington School & College in Chennai.   Passing 10th in those days was a great thing.

1939, she attended the Public Meeting of Sri Netaji Subash Chadra Bose and was deeply influenced by the 'Lion of Bengal's roaring speech.   She later narrated comparative stories of Freedom struggle from the perspectives of two great leaders Gandhi and Netaji.   These bedtime stories used to be creating a patriotic urge in us as children

Marriage and Children

She got married to Narayana Swamy Chettiar, a widower and a father of a 2 year old child and an Agricultural Engineer those days.  She instantly adopted the child Vimala Bai as her own daughter.   Later on, she was blessed with Sampath Kumar (*my father) and Smt. Jayalakshmi.    We grand children never knew that Vimala attai was my father's step sister until we were old enough to understand the relationships.  For she never treated any one differently.  The magnanimity of a woman who can love everyone around unconditionally is a greatest virtue of her life that we try to inject in our heads always.

Employment - In Women and Child Welfare Department of Andhra Pradesh

In the era, where women were mostly confined as homemakers,  my grand mother worked as a 'Laison Officer' in the then British Government in the 'Women and Child Welfare Department',  Her primary job included travelling and laisioning on the welfare schemes of the government and taking them to the rural villages and towns of Andhra Pradesh.   She reported on to one IAS officer of those days Smt. Jayalakshmi Rao,  and she took great pride in the work she did.  I remember her taking me to this officer's house in Taylor's Road, Kilpauk after her retirement.

Influence on our thought process

Her stories of her employment and welfare schemes, had a very strong influence in my life, as the seeds of Women and Child Welfare started from home very early.   I remember her taking my elder sister Yamini along with her to her office in the final days before her retirement and once she retired, she took over the full responsibility of raising us and teaching us several things that schools could never do. 

Being strong in thoughts and actions, loud in voicing honest opinions,  polite and respectful to elders,  friendly with neighbours, caring and loving to family and relatives and being a strong pillar of support to her children and a pedestal of strength and growth to the grand children.   She was very soft-spoken, but very strong in her convictions.   She was an ardent devotee of Sai Baba.  She used to teach my sister's small songs and bhajans that I loved listening and dare not singing.... Very good cook, who carried our meals to school and meet our teachers regularly.   She ensured she was there for all sports days and annual days.   She was our punch bag for everything in life. 

Tragedies that shook her apart and Final Days

Probably one of the worst tragedies that took the life out of her while she was alive, was the sudden passing away of our father at the age of 48, her only son, to a heart attack.   She raised above the personal loss of my grandfather in August 1977 and Vimala atthai's husband early in life.  However, the death of her son affected her like nothing else.    We had to move away from Eluru and live in Chennai and she went off with my Jaya attai to live in Hyderabad.   One side, losing her son was a havoc and other side, parting from us caused her health have a downward swill

Later on, my aunt's family moved to Chennai and she spent her final days living with them in Madambakkam and she was excited with our weekly visits,  she was super excited attending our weddings and she was fully of josh and happiness when my daughter Aishwarya was born and she was with full of happiness and mad love when my nephew Ajay was born.   Her happiness knew no bounds when all her great grand children Sai, Prajwala, Aishwarya and Ajay were born and seeing them grow.

She passed away after a brief illness on 18 July 2003 leaving behind great footprints that will keep inspiring us for rest of our lives

This is the story of an ordinary woman who lived an extraordinary life of simplicity, devotion, love and service and great thinking and influencing her family by her every day actions.

Today, we take a moment to pause and remember her deeply with love and a sense of gratitude for all the efforts she took in raising us..raising us right..giving us a sense of pride for having born as a woman. 

Love you Nanamma...today and forever.   Happy Birthday God Mother!

My Travel Diary 2018 .....

 Coimbatore - Ooty - Jan 2018

 

Isha Yoga Lord Shiva - Jan 2018

Marudhamalai Murugan Temple Jan 2018

 Positive Welfare Association Tiruvallur Feb 2018

Aishu learning Sandal Pattern making from Expert Cobbler Mitu anna in Mahabalipuram Feb 2018

Midnight flight catching to attend weekend Moot Court in Bangalore ....what an experience! The year started with exam in Bangalore

Mom's last trip with family - a month before her passing-  July 2018 - Wish I was there with them

Varanasi -  An experience that invoked the essence of Hinduism and its significance.   We bid adieu to mom's final remains in the sacred Ganges as she always loved Kasi - her abode of peace

               Visited Sarnath - an abode of Lord Gautam Buddha - with his most ardent disciple

Finally visited my college, Rajiv Gandhi College of Law, Bangalore and thanked our Principal Manjula Mamm' as I collected my final certificates finished LL.B ...3 years errands came to an end!

Canada Diary - October 2018

With Rishi at C.E.G. Paris - enroute to Halifax .  Stepping into Paris after exact 10  years!

 Landed in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada on 28 Oct 2018- instantly fallen in love with Oceans and Ships!

Fort Mc Nab @McNab Islands

@Citadel Fort

 @CANADA -  Halifax Waterfront

 @ Jumping the Area -  Cape Breton Cabot Trail

 @Fall Colors - Best time to visit Cape Breton

 Iconic Acadia

 Evening Strolls on Halifax Water front

 After a trail in Cape Breton

 @Celebrating the midway mark at Roxburry!

 @Colors and Food of Nova Scotia

 Nocturne Night -  Fire dance - Bringing Art and Energy to the Streets

Chester -  Beautiful Village  in Nova Scotia

 Land of Gaint Pumpkins - Windsor Nova Scotia - Pumpkin Regatta Oct 2018

 Thanks to our host Sue to spend an amazing day in Chester - with My VUDA Family

 On the Ferry to Dartmouth

 That beautiful morning in Peggy's Cove

 World Potluck night at our home for a month -  Homewood Suites Hilton, Halifax Downtown

 Visit to Lightfoot & Wolfville Vineyards - Wine Tour and Tasting

 Great experience of seeing Vineyards

 After a relaxing Wine Tour and Tasting!

 @Lunenburg - UNESCO World Heritage Site

 @World Famous Icecream COWS in Prince Edward Island

 In the Streets of PEI

 In the freezing temperatures of Cape Breton

Amazing morning walk around the Public Gardens!

 

 Proud IBMer visiting CIC Bedford

 Big hearts with tiny lighthouses in P.E.I

That chilling Martini Moment 

 On the Northumberland Ferry from Carribou

 The Halifax Titanic Connection - Fairview Cemetery where 100+ titanic victims are buried

 Resting place of the Unknown Child (finally identified)

 When the VUA Calls upon Jesus Christ outside the church in Charlottetown

 Thats final Bye Bye dinner at the 'ghost hunted' - Five Fishermen

 Packed bags! Lovely Memories!  Lifetime friendships!

 At the Formal Sign off Ceremony at NSCC - Just didnt want to leave those hands!

 At the home of 'Anne of Green Gables!' The Chocolate Shop where we found Chocolate Potato chips

 Bye Bye Halifax -  The Last Steps

 With Val from Argentina -  My Girl Crush 

Toronto and Niagara Falls

Thanks to Vimal and Jayanthi for starting our journey with temple visit

 My Toronto Buddies Aish and Ganesh and Kat

 Val and I always looked for Photo-Ops- she called them Umita Spots

 Aquarium

 Sugar Factory inside another ! 

 Toronto's Majestic Castle Casa Loma

 The Place I love the most!  Niagara Falls mesmerizes me always!  After 10 years, visited this amazing Natural Wonder from Canadian Side and fallen in love all over again

Back in India - Unwinding in the Waterfalls again! And Short Treks

Hoggenakkal and Yercaud with Team IBM

                                             And the journey continues............