My Daughter's Marriage Diaries : Part 2 : How did we get customized sarees for all events of the wedding?

 CREATIVITY

SUPPORTING A DYING ART

WEAVING DREAMS

GOING TRADITIONAL

CREATING UNIQUE MASTERPIECES

Trust me, the choices are too many for this age saree wearers!!!  At the same time, there is so much of confusion on authenticity of the fabric, too many designs and too many quick machine made material.   

One side, the traditional weaving on the "thari" - hand weaving machine is getting hard hit due to the lack of right labour with the age-old expertise and finesse.  At the same handwoven sarees have become super-expensive due to the lack of right raw material, increasing cost of threads, gold and silver used and labour cost.  The unexpected climatic conditions add to their woes.  No traditional weavers are living in riches and the art is struggling to sustain.   

My daughter being a graduate from a Fashion school that was part of preserving the traditional crafts and arts, was keen on supporting weavers for her wedding.  She was also adamant that every saree should be hand-woven, supporting the weavers and we do not bargain with them.   

We did not listen to her for the engagement and she made us atleast visit 12 shops in Chennai before selecting her kanchivaram for the engagement.  We spent multiple errands to Kanakavalli, Nalli, Kumaran, Tulsi Silks, Vara Mahalakshmi, Palam Silks, Sreenivasa,  RMKV, Pothys, and finally chose the one for engagement from T.Nagar Sundari Silks.   Her mother-in-law and she had all the enthusiasm in the world for this saree-hopping, but I got exhausted!  I am not a person who spends too much of time shopping.  So this experience was kind of drilling for me!  But I enjoyed their enthu!!!  Outcome was a beautiful traditional pink-purple saree which looked beautiful on her!   Alas!  One part done!!!

The biggest saga of sarees started after we finalized the wedding.  Trust me I wasn't ready for another running around the city.  Thankfully her dear professors in NIFT suggested super good weavers from Kanchipuram and in the annual craft-mela, she met few weavers, spoke to them, saw their process first hand and short listed couple of them.  

First week of April, she asked both the mothers, if we would like to join her to Kanchipuram.  Both of us had work, but the curiosity made me take a day off and join her, and I pulled my sister-in-law along for support,

We didn't know that Friday was the day, the TTDC Thayar Temple (Mahalakshmi Temple in T.Nagar) was having its kubabishekam (Opening Ceremony) and we crossed the bridge as we heard the loud temple bells.   It started pouring that day. (Genuine weavers would only meet on Fridays for discussing on the wedding sarees I guess) .  We felt the rain as the divine blessings in the hot summer!

That day, we met the weavers (very senior weaver and his son who is now managing the business) and they showed us the whole process.  They showed us the prints and designs (paper-back) which were more than 100 years old.  The manual labour involved was super intense and the quality of the threads were top-notch.   The color-schemes were mind-blowing! It was truly a different world that I had no knowledge of!

Following week, we had her in-laws joining us and we went to Kanchi Kamakshi temple and then to the weavers.  This time, the weavers helped us see the threads,  the silks that would be used, and many more additional color palettes.   Her in-laws were also super happy to see the process despite the fact that this would be expensive and time-consuming.   Good things come to those who know to wait!!

Thankfully, the young couple were sure of the colors they want for the wedding.   The traditional araku (Red- brown) colour for wedding saree was confirmed.  My daughter wanted to design her own saree.   She took pictures of the designs she liked with peacocks,  elephants, flowers, kolams etc.   She wanted to use the same thought process and created her unique designs.    I wanted to recreate the saree my mother gifted for my wedding.  A beautiful traditional green with araku border.   She was up for it and gift from the parents home.  

Then came the big one.  The Reception dress!  We mothers were surprised when she said, that she wanted to go traditional for the reception, again in her favorite kanchivaram!   This time she was having her inspiration story board.   Celluloid worlds divas Rekha and Sumalatha who dorned in Gold emblazed sarees earlier.  The bride wanted a pure silk (60 counts silk) in Gold and she choose couple of threads for dyeing.   Weaver cautioned her saying that the color she has in mind and the actual color of the saree would have differences and they are going to dye the threads and it depends on the combinations.   She was game for it!   I started getting nervous.  I don't her to refuse taking the saree after weaving if it does not match her story board!    As expected the saree after 8 weeks of weaving came up differently!!!!   But thankfully, it exceeded her expectations!!!!   I thanked God for the saree was not only expensive but it involved intense labor of 3 weavers for 8 odd weeks.   How relieved I was!!!

I was super excited to order few more sarees, in pink with violet border,  green with red border, half-white with pink border for me and my sisters and sister-in-law.    The weaver initially screwed up the white one and had to redo the work (she doesn't settle for anything less in quality)  Similarly, we ordered one yellow one in Mat format (Pai madi) and it also wasn't as we expected but we accepted it as it was purely customized and he can't sell outside.  So challenges in sarees were all part of the wedding gallata. 

Same time, weavers helped us to pick plenty of machine made sarees from the market, wholesalers, top rated shops in Kanchipuram for most of my extended family, close relatives and friends and also silk vesties for men.  They came along with us and patiently explained what is best in the budgets we wanted.  They ensured, that we get good quality one's from the market.   They hinted us what not to pick at every stage of buying.   We did at-least 6 to 7 times errands to Kanchipuram,  spent hours of time to ensure, all our clan are dressed up beautifully for the wedding.   RMKV and Ramraj Cottons was our go to place for men's wear and they customized most of our requirements.   

Thankfully, our efforts turned into super duper colourful wedding.  Everyone looked in their best.  Especially the bride and groom and their galaxy of friends!   

Some one asked me, why I spent so much! I replied that it is my way of thanking all those who helped us travel from zero to this far.  In was in fact, I took this as an opportunity and a moment of gratitude especially  to my dad and mom's siblings, cousins for they helped my mother sail through 3 of our weddings single handedly.  Several of my friends stood with me for ages when I could have just withered away.  I wanted all of them to be part of our 'pandaga' (festival of joy).   We started this gifting of sarees with our important family deities and I am sure they showered their blessings on all.  

Thank you Mom and Dad for watching over us!  I hope we made you happy in heavens!   We need all your blessings !!!

This is our story,  Our Sarees Story!!!

My Daughter's Marriage Diaries : Part 1 : How it feels to be a mother of the bride?

 OVERWHELMING

BLESSING

TIRING

MISSING

THANKING

Every mother, wishes that her children should be happy, healthy and successful.  I am no different.  I used to always tell my daughter Aishwarya that her wedding is my "Pandaga", a festival.   Exactly,  I wanted to enjoy every moment of this festival.  

Right from planning, organizing and executing it to the core.  This planning started right from the time she started to blossom as a teen.   

I had to envision differently from what my mother did for her 3 daughters.  

My mother always looked it as her duty to 'sale' her daughters.  She was consciously doing every thing in her means to protect us, shield us from falling in love :-) ,  ensure we tightly close the doors and windows of our house in her absence and strict no-no to boys coming home or being friends to us even though we were in co-education.  

My mother's world was in a different generation.  Different thought process and different sentiments and social stigma of a widow raising her three daughters alone and her belief that no one should say anything wrong about her or our characters.  We were protected, planned, and married off as she wanted - all three arranged marriages and she pulling it off with her own way managing finances, time, efforts and everything in her single government salary.  Kudos and salute to my mom, before I begin writing about my journey as the bride's mother.

As a mother, we have certain instincts that we get to feel and if we don't give importance to those signals, we may miss out many things.  Mothers need to be great observers and I was no different.  I kept watching my child, her mood swings, her tantrums, her asks,  her joys and her worries.   I don't need to deeply analyze, but I can easily guess what she is going through.  Many times, she speaks about it.  Sometimes, she leaves me to my own guesses.  As this journey of the bride, she did let me have more guesses and many more guesses as we neared the date!

On the day of Sangeet, (Sangeet was superbly organized by friends of Aishwarya and Vedesh, my son-in-law) 18 Aug 2023 Friday, evening at Alumni Club, I was surprisingly invited by the MC of the evening to speak about Aishwarya.   I am a public speaker,  but that evening, as I took the mike, I could not speak. I choked up.  Tears started to flow without any second thought.  It was overwhelming.  All I said, was that I love her.  Audience went silent for few minutes and amidst the dance, songs, and loud music and lights, she started silently crying for few minutes.   Few mothers from the audience, especially Vedesh's paternal aunt came and hugged me.  I cried. I cried non-stop till my fabulous four friends gang came and gave me their gyan to stop being a spoiler of the evening.  They made me laugh again and firm up!

From that moment, I became/ behaved like an eagle.  Watching over everything that is happening under the sky.   Ensuring that everything is in place, there are no hiccups to the event anywhere, there is no stopping for money, no lack of people to support, despite the fact that I was internally super nervous.   I started behaving like a swan whose legs were fluttering in the water but stay still on the top.  

Thanks to my daughter's friend Srivats who gave me the title "Social Butterfly"...I could see the response to our invitations.  Despite of the long distance of the Dakshin Chitra venue in ECR and the unexpected rains lashing Chennai on and off,  everyone acknowledged us and graced the occasions.  We are truly blessed to have this acceptance and love of the people in our lives.   That also meant we take care of the logistics.  

One side, the biggest change in my life is happening.  To many, it would have been just a daughter's wedding.  To me, it meant, first time in 25 years, becoming a silo crusader again.  My daughter stood with me through all the ups and downs, like a rock.  She had to take up responsibilities over and above her age since her childhood, to make a decent life.   

People who insensitively said that we as family would not survive, our marriage would not sail through,  the social stigma of schizophrenia striking its worst cords on my husband, we raising together and ensuring he is a great dad, a wonderful husband was not an easy journey.    The biggest moment of happiness for all three of us was when inadvertently the pujari (priest) asking if we can have the bride in her dad's lap and do the wedding.  HE SAID YES.   Hola,  it just happened.  What a moment of pride for us.  What a moment of victory against the social stigmas.  What a moment of joy that we would cherish.  Every struggle vanished with that glorious moment.   He may not have earned riches, but he earned that wonderful respect.  

Moment of love, affection and respect!

Mom and daughter love breaking stereotypes.  I felt fairly surprised when my daughter wanted to tie the mangal sutra to her bridegroom and the groom was also ok to it.  However, the elders in the homes on both sides weren't ok for this and they felt it is not the moment to make their wedding a spectacle.   I felt disappointed personally as my daughter's wish to break this stereotype didn't happen.  However, there are many ways to show equality in a relationship than in this age old ritual.   I felt anxious to the whole conversations surrounding this and had to agree with the majority in the family.  MOMENTS OF ANXIETY don't stop you see!

Aishwarya as a bride did most of the planning with her bridegroom.  They took the lead in selecting the vendors, choosing the menu, weaving up their attires,  planning the events and lot more.  The Project Manager in me dwelled in pride and happiness that our children are independent to take decisions and also being accountable for that.  That they can plan, decide, check and act accordingly.  What else a mother would want?

My sisters pointed out that first time, a bride in the family is enjoying her wedding than being anxious or in fear.  Yes, that is because she knows her man, his family, her future together.  She is confident in her choices and actions.   She is self-made young woman with multiple talents and hard-work.  At 25, she has 4 films to her credit, several projects and a good career as a senior designer.  

End of the day, our society sees success by where we are in our career and growth trajectory.   She is the 4th generation independent, self-reliant woman in the family,  taking over a balanced path of career and family life with support of her family and friends.  The MOTHER MONSTER in me is TRULY HAPPY that my daughter will still focus on her career, achievements and passion and have a solid work-life balance.  It is not easy. Yet POSSIBLE!

With spondylitis and infections hitting her a month before her wedding, I was super worried.  Thankfully, the intervention of the right medical help, thanks to all family and friends who suggested and directed us to right medical care, she was able to handle herself throughout the wedding.   It is equally important to have good health along with happiness.  Thanks to her mother-in-law who stood by her patiently and giving her the mental strength to regain her health, supporting her with simple living and high thinking ideologies,  suggesting good eating and sleeping habits,  Aishwarya took all this with respect and gratitude to her and all well-wishers.   

After the 3 years of pushing the children to agree for marriage, after almost 6 months of intense planning and 6 weeks of extended family and friends around us,  the 3 days festival went well.  The rains god's came down to bless us and interrupt us for a while,  disturbing few of our guests commuting and dinner, but few hiccups are unplanned and unexpected. We truly wished the rains didn't pour during reception. Sorry to all those who struggled in rain! for us!

The moments of surprise, the moments of fear,  the moments of anxiety came to an end as our daughter embarked on her new journey as a New Bride into a new household.   The household that welcomed her with love, respect and affection.   

So if you are planning for your daughter to getting married,  just go with the flow.  Feel every odd feeling that comes on its way.  Enjoy the moments.   Be prepared for the empty nest syndrome.  Make friends and regain your hobbies, so that you refill your plate even before you realize it is going to be empty.   Be planned for the big day, both financially, mentally and physically.   Keep yourself at reach, for her comfort and strength.  Don't push yourself and your left overs of life on her.   Don't try to live her life.   Let her make her own a  much beautiful garden filled with love, care and wisdom!

I loved being the mother of the bride!  Thank you Almighty, the Universe and all my family and friends, well-wishers and associates who made this festival a grand success!    Love Ya' All.