OVERWHELMING
BLESSING
TIRING
MISSING
THANKING
Every mother, wishes that her children should be happy, healthy and successful. I am no different. I used to always tell my daughter Aishwarya that her wedding is my "Pandaga", a festival. Exactly, I wanted to enjoy every moment of this festival.
Right from planning, organizing and executing it to the core. This planning started right from the time she started to blossom as a teen.
I had to envision differently from what my mother did for her 3 daughters.
My mother always looked it as her duty to 'sale' her daughters. She was consciously doing every thing in her means to protect us, shield us from falling in love :-) , ensure we tightly close the doors and windows of our house in her absence and strict no-no to boys coming home or being friends to us even though we were in co-education.
My mother's world was in a different generation. Different thought process and different sentiments and social stigma of a widow raising her three daughters alone and her belief that no one should say anything wrong about her or our characters. We were protected, planned, and married off as she wanted - all three arranged marriages and she pulling it off with her own way managing finances, time, efforts and everything in her single government salary. Kudos and salute to my mom, before I begin writing about my journey as the bride's mother.
As a mother, we have certain instincts that we get to feel and if we don't give importance to those signals, we may miss out many things. Mothers need to be great observers and I was no different. I kept watching my child, her mood swings, her tantrums, her asks, her joys and her worries. I don't need to deeply analyze, but I can easily guess what she is going through. Many times, she speaks about it. Sometimes, she leaves me to my own guesses. As this journey of the bride, she did let me have more guesses and many more guesses as we neared the date!
On the day of Sangeet, (Sangeet was superbly organized by friends of Aishwarya and Vedesh, my son-in-law) 18 Aug 2023 Friday, evening at Alumni Club, I was surprisingly invited by the MC of the evening to speak about Aishwarya. I am a public speaker, but that evening, as I took the mike, I could not speak. I choked up. Tears started to flow without any second thought. It was overwhelming. All I said, was that I love her. Audience went silent for few minutes and amidst the dance, songs, and loud music and lights, she started silently crying for few minutes. Few mothers from the audience, especially Vedesh's paternal aunt came and hugged me. I cried. I cried non-stop till my fabulous four friends gang came and gave me their gyan to stop being a spoiler of the evening. They made me laugh again and firm up!
From that moment, I became/ behaved like an eagle. Watching over everything that is happening under the sky. Ensuring that everything is in place, there are no hiccups to the event anywhere, there is no stopping for money, no lack of people to support, despite the fact that I was internally super nervous. I started behaving like a swan whose legs were fluttering in the water but stay still on the top.
Thanks to my daughter's friend Srivats who gave me the title "Social Butterfly"...I could see the response to our invitations. Despite of the long distance of the Dakshin Chitra venue in ECR and the unexpected rains lashing Chennai on and off, everyone acknowledged us and graced the occasions. We are truly blessed to have this acceptance and love of the people in our lives. That also meant we take care of the logistics.
One side, the biggest change in my life is happening. To many, it would have been just a daughter's wedding. To me, it meant, first time in 25 years, becoming a silo crusader again. My daughter stood with me through all the ups and downs, like a rock. She had to take up responsibilities over and above her age since her childhood, to make a decent life.
People who insensitively said that we as family would not survive, our marriage would not sail through, the social stigma of schizophrenia striking its worst cords on my husband, we raising together and ensuring he is a great dad, a wonderful husband was not an easy journey. The biggest moment of happiness for all three of us was when inadvertently the pujari (priest) asking if we can have the bride in her dad's lap and do the wedding. HE SAID YES. Hola, it just happened. What a moment of pride for us. What a moment of victory against the social stigmas. What a moment of joy that we would cherish. Every struggle vanished with that glorious moment. He may not have earned riches, but he earned that wonderful respect.
Moment of love, affection and respect!
Mom and daughter love breaking stereotypes. I felt fairly surprised when my daughter wanted to tie the mangal sutra to her bridegroom and the groom was also ok to it. However, the elders in the homes on both sides weren't ok for this and they felt it is not the moment to make their wedding a spectacle. I felt disappointed personally as my daughter's wish to break this stereotype didn't happen. However, there are many ways to show equality in a relationship than in this age old ritual. I felt anxious to the whole conversations surrounding this and had to agree with the majority in the family. MOMENTS OF ANXIETY don't stop you see!
Aishwarya as a bride did most of the planning with her bridegroom. They took the lead in selecting the vendors, choosing the menu, weaving up their attires, planning the events and lot more. The Project Manager in me dwelled in pride and happiness that our children are independent to take decisions and also being accountable for that. That they can plan, decide, check and act accordingly. What else a mother would want?
My sisters pointed out that first time, a bride in the family is enjoying her wedding than being anxious or in fear. Yes, that is because she knows her man, his family, her future together. She is confident in her choices and actions. She is self-made young woman with multiple talents and hard-work. At 25, she has 4 films to her credit, several projects and a good career as a senior designer.
End of the day, our society sees success by where we are in our career and growth trajectory. She is the 4th generation independent, self-reliant woman in the family, taking over a balanced path of career and family life with support of her family and friends. The MOTHER MONSTER in me is TRULY HAPPY that my daughter will still focus on her career, achievements and passion and have a solid work-life balance. It is not easy. Yet POSSIBLE!
With spondylitis and infections hitting her a month before her wedding, I was super worried. Thankfully, the intervention of the right medical help, thanks to all family and friends who suggested and directed us to right medical care, she was able to handle herself throughout the wedding. It is equally important to have good health along with happiness. Thanks to her mother-in-law who stood by her patiently and giving her the mental strength to regain her health, supporting her with simple living and high thinking ideologies, suggesting good eating and sleeping habits, Aishwarya took all this with respect and gratitude to her and all well-wishers.
After the 3 years of pushing the children to agree for marriage, after almost 6 months of intense planning and 6 weeks of extended family and friends around us, the 3 days festival went well. The rains god's came down to bless us and interrupt us for a while, disturbing few of our guests commuting and dinner, but few hiccups are unplanned and unexpected. We truly wished the rains didn't pour during reception. Sorry to all those who struggled in rain! for us!
The moments of surprise, the moments of fear, the moments of anxiety came to an end as our daughter embarked on her new journey as a New Bride into a new household. The household that welcomed her with love, respect and affection.
So if you are planning for your daughter to getting married, just go with the flow. Feel every odd feeling that comes on its way. Enjoy the moments. Be prepared for the empty nest syndrome. Make friends and regain your hobbies, so that you refill your plate even before you realize it is going to be empty. Be planned for the big day, both financially, mentally and physically. Keep yourself at reach, for her comfort and strength. Don't push yourself and your left overs of life on her. Don't try to live her life. Let her make her own a much beautiful garden filled with love, care and wisdom!
I loved being the mother of the bride! Thank you Almighty, the Universe and all my family and friends, well-wishers and associates who made this festival a grand success! Love Ya' All.
