Nightmares of an unpredictable onsite career - Not a myth of being part of an onshore-offshore project

What happens when you are tempted next time to take up a lucrative onsite assignment in a most happening city in the world?   Think again before you do on things that matter to you and your family first.     Corporates and Managers need not be considerate to your priorities and less will they be worried about what is killing you on all sides if you make wrong decisions. 

You can call this my experience or my anguish and pain...what so ever.....when there are so many external areas of control, for heavens sake I should have thought about the things that are well within my internal areas of control.   I am perplexed when people treat people like just any other resource in the organization, a broken table, crashed laptop, virus infected software or a unvending coffee machine....

Trust me you are just replaceable...no matter how much you made the work your life, how much you tried to be loyal to the company you work for, how much you are commited to your client's and project commitments.  We are living in an emotion-free corporate world, where people are no more the most important reason for growth in the companies.   

Next time, when you pack your bags for an onsite career,try to do some internal introspection?  Dont fall for the pursuing words of a manager who is desperate to fill up the Project Org Chart with people...dont think that you are chosen because of your talent and skill set, but because he/she  has a desperate project need to fill you in......dont think that she/he is doing you a favour by chosing for the best of the moves, it is only because a client needs your profile and for that moment you are the best fit and makes this for your fascination. 

When the urgency is gone, when the project is going smooth, and when there is no escalation because of your good work,  trust me, you are no more important to the project and easy replaceable!    You are just given a great incentive and a big piece of the cake which lots of other people are only dreaming off!!!!  

YOU are not the you who was so important at the beginning!    When your goals are achieved, you have done your job,,,,you just did what is expected!  When your goals and project deadlines are missed  and you show sudden surge of improvement,  and turn project from RED to Green then you are the best, you are the great member, you are an acheiver.   Thats why people who consistently perform struggle to grow in the organizations...People who sometimes fix things become god sent!

Today Corporate IT industry is always struggling to get the right people, good people who understand client expectations is short just because of this indifferent attitude of people who manage these organizations.  Their perception and training that no one is important is what is draining organizations of good innovation and loyal employees..... Every time, projects suffer from iterations, lack of good talent and consistent performance and inbuilt employee motivation because Managers speak the parrokeeted words that they are trained to speak to..... I also underwent this training from NIS on how to handle people during performance appriasal discussion and can imagine how strong we are supposed to be not getting succumbed to employees emotional outburst...But please people, think again, you are also reporting to some one else and will hear the same Music!  

After frequent travels on project needs, I decided to focus on my highschooler and asked for an offshore project and just because I had valid visa,  I was pushed to 'Bench'  waiting for that the dream change....When the dream change came,  I was given just a month to sell of my car, bike, my husbands job to quit, tc from school for my kid, put my mom under lonliness, vacate the house, sell of the electronics that would not sustain 2 years of storage and spent so much on the packing...moving to the most costliest city with family was another challenge....trust me, to give the same life to the family on what you had in hometown with the earnings that come, is a challenge but still you showcase a brave front and pretent to be happy!  

Finally the day comes when your visa is at someone's mercy or the project is at stake, or just that your manager is not happy with you because you also talk like him or her  and you end up again in a situaton of relocation with an emotion-free corporate giving a slightest consideration to what would happen to you!   Managers think that we had the INCENTIVE of being onsite...but ask any NRI who lives with the second hand goods, manages to look happy always looking for deals, and alway under the uncertainity of 'What Next?' 

The INCENTIVE is paid by the uncertainity of

 'Which school would take a highschooler in the mid of the year in India?????? Years away from home with No Hindi or Tamil,  World history replacing the Social Studies,... Physics in detail replacing Science ....American English replacing the British Indian English,,......Algebra replacing General Maths...I jus dont know if an admission is by any means possible!  Did I put my child's education and future at jeapardy!   Expecting my company to understand my predicment is way too much.It was my mistake!!!!!

'Will my husband get back a job?  A decent one that he was doing before??'''  May take time though not a big deal

The rest are minor and self-made issues that I know I can manage.....but still the nerve of uncertainty is so killing!

Friends,   Onsite careers are real lessons both on the technical, project perspective and also from a personal front.    You make decisions that are important for you in life and not by your companies..... ultimately you may not be with the same company, or with the same project, for long, but surely the families are gonna be with you for life.

Dont damage the life of your dear one 's in the name of your profession, for career is only a part of your life for your living.   Unless you are able to strike this balance, be 100% sure that the changes you take in life do not impact the consistency and happiness of your people, trust me, dont take chances.  I have seen so many co-onsite workers  who pretend happiness back to families in India,  but look for deals of 5 or 10 $ savings.,  who makes families spend time with the TV and cable, and who struggle with second hand cars that are not happy to ride!  Every thing of you gets compramized because of the 'Onsite Incentive'  and the day the realization happens, you will sit and fret like me on a Saturday morning!  Happy Onsiting!

The uncertainty of life is the New Normal and this is the exact reason why lot of Indians are travelling back to India in search of more peaceful, consistent life closer to family and friends.   I am gonna be one very soon!

Disclaimer:  This has got nothing to do with my company, my project or my manager..  This is the frustration of a mother with a teenage daugther worried about the 'What next?' factor in life at this point!

Paru and I

This story is about me. I have been sitting in my posh upscale office in New York City and watching the mad rush of the Manhattan downtown. Rejoicing the beauty of the new décor I got for my office, I looked satisfied in the mirror on my desk. I smiled at my face beaming with pride of leading a Multi-National Bank as a Vice President. Having travelled all over the world, I developed a fancy for anything that is of a ‘brand’.
Suddenly I remembered Paru, my old friend back in India. Paru and I started life together and we were very hardworking young girls always aspiring for new things and new horizons. I think having the right opportunities at the right time made the difference and I soon started to climb the corporate ladder.

Unknowingly amidst the entire quest, the touch of luck started to embrace me towards success that is now a reflection in my life. But unfortunately for Paru, things did not materialize as she dreamt. She took up a small time accountant job in a firm and got married and raised a family.

I looked at the clock, that’s imported from Germany. It is 5 pm in New York, and it must be 8 am in India. Paru would have completed her cooking, packed her lunch box, and would get her kids ready to school, finished her cleaning and washing and would be getting ready in her salwar kameez, un-ironed most of the time, and running to catch the crowded bus at 8.30.

My new sedan smiled at me telling that I have none of those hassles. Paru may be standing all the way to office going by bus, tolerating the preying men’s hands on her shoulders and hips., sometimes someone stamping on her feet and making her feel like falling down in the jam packed bus.

I grabbed my new iPhone and dialed her number. She responded with the first ring and I could hear her smile….and in her usual poetic way started to talk to me.,

’Rejoice this morning going old, as the setting sun on the other world,

Loved to grace my morning fine., how I wish to tell this friendship being mine…..’ .

I could hear the bus conductor whistling away for the next stop. I am right Paru is on her way to office, a typical 9-6 job which pays her Rs.4000, probably my 100$ bill … yet the irony that she sounded happy.

We spoke for few minutes and she told me that she picked up a part time job of taking tuitions to a disabled child of a Merchant Navy Sailor at their home for Rs. 600 and how much that is helping her to fulfill her children’s extra expenses of making them learn swimming. She was so excited that the child’s mother serves her hot chai every evening and she is so refreshed with it when going back home at 8 pm and start cooking dinner for her family.

She was still singing Jibanananda Das’s verses

I have journeyed, alone, in the enduring night,

And down the dark corridor of time I have walked

I was perplexed. Here is a woman who runs from pillar to post to make her living. All she has are bare minimum necessities to survive in a polluted and corrupted city where she has to bribe everyone for everything. But I could find a great sense of happiness, contentment and joy in her of what she is doing. Paru surely sounded happy and her words echoed in my ears for long

"As the footfall of dew comes evening;

The raven wipes the smell of warm sun

From its wings; the world's noises die."

Banalatha Sen…..I thought. Her enthusiasm in poetry has not slipped a bit and her spontaneity of words and using them with wisdom rightfully made me smile again. Paru has been using poetry as her solace ever since I knew her. Her every emotion is packed with the words that have poetic brilliance. I decided to forget her, for Paru reminds me of ordinary Indian woman whose struggles never end. Abused by the entire system that have no outlet and in a conservative and religiously tight communities, the society haven’t changed over decades after Independence.

Paru lives in a sense of emotional freedom in mind, which as a Liberal Free Modern Woman, I am not able to appreciate or least accept. I know I thought of writing my story and thinking too much about Paru. I am going to erase her now.

After couple of weeks, I decided to go to Las Vegas to enjoy a good vacation. The Arizona and Nevada borders always fascinated me with the deserts and night winds and dunes amidst which I love to drive. The Colorado river with its beauty flowing amidst the Grand Canyons always made my camera busy. Vegas also hit by the recent recessions and there aren’t the usual crowds in the Casinos.

I sat in the Cesar Palace and looked at the girls dancing on the poles. They looked like the Russian Circus girls who used to jump from one corner to the other in the Raj Kamal Circus that I watched decades ago in my home town. Yes, I went to circus every year with my family and friends, which included Paru, my best friend.

Is life not a circus for Paru even today? Is she really happy with her life? I can hear her boss yelling at her for not keeping the files ready for Audit. She knows he would anyway pay Rs.500 to the auditor for a good report. Her son is pulling her to play with him. She just switched on the Sun TV for her usual mega serial. Amidst all this, she is humming the words of Tagore from Geetanjali on the phone when I dialed her

“Time is endless in thy hands, my lord.
There is none to count thy minutes.
Days and nights pass and ages bloom and fade like flowers.
Thou knowest how to wait.”

She was telling me about the years that we missed to meet. And she is happy to wait for few more years to give me her big hug. She loved being called aunty by her children’s friends and tells that she is now not asking her husband to color his hair. I guess he is looking wise and matured and handsome with the nature’s salt and pepper strokes.

My divorce after 7 years of marriage, an extra marital affair with a colleague and now settling down with a boyfriend who is equally successful, I had the fun and spice in life that I needed. Probably, what is the need to tolerate a relationship that is meaningless? Should we not move on? For people like Paru, divorce is a sin. Going by your heart and doing what you want is out of place. Abiding by the society and its set protocols is the way to live. I now know that I started to hate her more than ever.

Again, did I not tell you that this my story? This Paru seems to be disturbing me from continuing my story in its truthfulness.

Back to New York, I started to concentrate on my work. After finishing a rather busy day, I was walking toward the car park, when I noticed Paru sitting in my lobby. I was excited to see her. I went and hugged her. She looked old than our age. Wrapped in a traditional Indian saree, she looked like an old aunty with greying hair, and wrinkles down her eyes. She looked tired.

I took her to my office and offered her tea and snacks and caught up a lot on where we left after our last phone call. She was telling me about Anna Hazare and how he is fighting to end corruption and how people in the name of Scam are ruining the progress of my motherland. I smiled. I have been following the world news closely and am aware of all that she is telling at the touch of a browser in my iPad. I didn’t have to wait for the 7.30 Sun News.

After that day, Paru came to office many times. I purposefully avoided her and walked away from the other door whenever I saw her waiting for me in the lobby. What does she need? Money, donation, job or a house? I didn’t know and never felt like stopping by and caring to ask.

But in all this process, I noticed that she is a happy woman. She is still the happiest person I could see in my entire office. Her eyes were tired but they still had sparkle. Her face looked aged but same time very wise. There is some kind of mixed goodness in her, warmth, a truthful care and a genuine friendship. How the hell can she have all the happiness in this world amidst struggles of an ordinary woman? I found her having her interests in tact for arts, poetry, friendship, travel, learning and nothing changed in her over the years. Rabindranath’s translation of his own Bengali poem, as the song offering says

"Thy infinite gifts come to me only on these very small hands of mine.

Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still there is room to fill."

Yes, Paru is still fresh in her mind and thoughts. Her physical appearance has changed. Her circumstances remained close the same from where it all started from. I found myself envious of her suddenly despite all the things I achieved in life. Do I hate myself and not Paru anymore? That thought it-self is so disturbing.

I desperately needed a break and I booked my next flight to Hawaii…..the beautiful islands filled with live volcanoes, colorful sands and vibrant beaches. President Obama was born and loved vacations in this beautiful state. I started to run to the waters and play like a child….sat on beach and pulled the sands all over me and looked at the sky.

I could hear laughter of children and turned around to see. I saw a boat….What am I seeing….The coconut trees are swaying on the banks of Kerala backwaters and a family is rejoicing their holiday on a wooden boat house. Children are still jumping and playing around when their mother Paru was running behind them with the dinner plate trying to feed them. I got bewildered. STOP IT! I cried at them. I took my shoes and ran inside the hotel.

I could not hold this anymore. I need to end this now or never. I saw my agitated self in the mirror and didn’t like what I am seeing. Wrinkles, red eyes, fake smiles. I hate it. I took the flower vase and hardly hit at the mirror breaking it at one stroke. The pieces fell off to the ground relaxing my nerves. I looked at MY reflection in the multiple broken glass pieces on the ground. Paru smiled at me, her way, naturally……and I started to cry to my heart’s content. I know this is my story.

"Into the cyclone rainfall of tears, I now know I am far away from fears….fears of myself and my reflections!”

Author’s Note:

“Paru Tales” is a collection of short stories I started to write few months back and the protagonist Paru goes through various phases and experiences that relate to most of the women around. This story of “Paru and I” is an extract from that collection titled ‘The Naked Parade’. Why I named Paru Tales as ‘Naked Parade’ is for the genuine reason that it is reflection of tales of truth, thought provoking and closer to me as a writer!

- This story is dedicated to all people, who would willfully lead their lives as per their dreams and follow their hearts, naturally. This story is a reflection of millions of people who have to hide their natural selves and live life the way the circumstances demand and get got in the materialistic quest and forget what is truthfully closer to their hearts. For many of us, it takes many long years, to fearfully look back and think what we wanted and what we were made out of the life. Paru is just a sample of that reality, naturally

An Educated Fool! Am I?

As one neighbour impishly hit my sensitivity

Calling me an educated fool, I gave myself a silent inner pause!

Am I? That gave me a good amount of time

To introspect my inner self, my thought process!

What makes you educated is the not the number of degrees

But the amount of knowledge you learn from life’s lessons!

What makes you wise and thoughtful is not years you lived!

But the number of people whose lives you have touched!

May be the person who said so, the most wisdomful soul!

I revere the happy unthoughtful comment in the night!

But graciously let me let him know that I am not a Fool!

Yes, I would have been a fool having letting others say so!

As gracefully I know to handle people of all types in life

Having had the luck to deal with people of vivid attitudes

The best way is to keep yourself away from insensitivity

What you don’t deserve, let it not touch your heart

The things that others throw at you, thoughtlessly

If you don’t pick it to your hearts and leave them there

Trust me, god gives them back where they need

And lets your live in the way you are made and in peace!

Domestic Violence- Are we thoughtful to other people's problems?

A young lady in her early 20s (let’s call her Paru) is at a family gathering to celebrate the wedding reception of her brother in law, and welcoming the new bride. The family consists of Mom, Dad, three sons and 2 elder daughter-in laws, one daughter, one daughter-in-law who is the new bride.

 Our Paru goes about the day helping with the festivities, but she is quiet and has little enthusiasm. As the day moves on, there is a sudden explosion that disrupts all festivities. The explosion is of an emotional source and comes from Paru.

Paru begins to shout, “What is wrong with all of you? How can you all act happy?! This bride is in potential danger!”

She starts crying and flees from the room. Now, please reflect: What are your thoughts about what happened? Has she ruined the whole atmosphere? Is she unstable and does she lack control? Is she perhaps even crazy?

If any of these conclusions come to mind, this young adult has been labeled what psychology calls, “The Identified Patient.” She would be the one encouraged to get therapy.

What is the immediate truth here? Before the outburst, her mother in law had abused her physically and emotionally as young bride for few years now. What is the historical truth? Her family had been indifferent and mother in law treated her as a servant and her husband was made aware of it — everyone but her parents and family.

So the reality is this: She is part of a family system that operates in denial, and it is that system that is dysfunctional. So let’s shed some truth on this scenario.

This young woman is actually the only one in her family who has insight, is emotionally healthy and takes action. Her husband had been uncomfortable when she told him of the agony she goes through.. Once he accepted it, he talked to the mother in law once, and then wanted it to never be spoken of again.

Father in law went into emotional denial. He accepted it had happened, but could not accept how deeply the abuse affected his daughter in law. Dad figured he paid for therapy; why couldn’t she just get over it and forgive?

Her mother in law, thought the lasting repercussions were her “Paru’s issue” and she went along with life. Mom felt “uncomfortable” when her daughter wanted to spend time with her away from her in-laws place. When abuse was brought up in another context, the father in law asked his daughter in law if she would divorce her husband because of this domestic violence
When she responded, “yes,” he said, “Whatever, Paru” — as if Paru had the problem.

What is this family system exhibiting? Denial and concealment. What are they conveying? That the daughter in law is the one with problems.

Essentially, she’s the family scapegoat. Her anger festered, justice, righteousness and truth screamed out to be heard, and she was met with, “Paru’s crazy.” And her younger brother in law called her as a ‘Fish Market!’

Actually, Paru is the most sane member of the family in this story. This is a family system that had thrived on everyone agreeing and denying. This is called pseudo mutuality and is a very dysfunctional family dynamic. Truth and healing are rarely revealed in this type of system.

This is Paru’s narrative. We all have one. Often, the source of a painful narrative is family of origin, abuse, being misunderstood and the like. Our experiences create who we are. When no one gives us a voice, and others do not take the time to understand our experience, then people who are innocent can be misunderstood.

Often victims look like the identified patient, the one with the problem, when in fact it is the system that is dysfunctional. Often domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, shaming and emotional abuses are denied. They can either lead to someone shutting down emotionally or one becoming a voice for justice.

Integrating facts and truth into how we view people demonstrates morality. It should be practiced as members of a community, family and even in friendships. We often speak cavalier statements, such as a person is dysfunctional, crazy or unstable. But we must take the investigation of truth into consideration.

Victimized individuals are deeply affected by life and often much more intuitive and emotionally intelligent than others. They are less likely to put up with injustice. They often make a stand and speak out against immorality, and this just makes others uncomfortable.

But the reality is, the woman in the above story is absolutely right. She uncovered hidden sin. Once it was revealed, it was pushed under the carpet. She then confronted the denial.

Why did she do this? To save others from being victimized. Her experience gave her insight, righteous indignation and the courage to point out and fight against injustice and abuse.

Let’s support those who speak out against abuse and get over our discomfort. We then become healthy systems for people to thrive in.


Thanks to Kimberlee Z,whose article inspired me to write this story