How to end an extra marital affair? In Paru's way! (Short Story from Paru Tales)

It happened and it really stink.   Paru had been married for years and suddenly she found herself in a deep attraction to someone else.    A casual encounter at a social gathering, exchanging niceties on the social media, following each other’s life closely to an extent that a new friendship with a soul connection grew without even both realizing the deep bond.

One night a long conversation turned into a test-flirt the next day during a lunch break from office, that got rewarded, a touch of hand over passing a tissue and soon navigating into the depths of serious deceptions.   Paru never imagined things going this far neither planned anything nor stopped it before it reached a point where she started cheating on her spouse. 

Feelings taking hold of them due to host of reasons and few purely biological.   Catching like a common cold, slowly turning to a fatal disease.   The brain awash with an insane logic that seems to make sense, with a strong sense of awakens from an otherwise dull marriage and the feeling of inner spirits revived and ignoring the tsunamis of guilt and shame of the new-found happiness in life. 

The small attractions of wearing matching dresses, looking gorgeous on dinner dates, romantic feelings arising while watching movies and the stars romancing on screen, slowly trying to hold fingers tightly and brushing across each other’s shoulders in response to the onscreen romance and then trying to place small and tender warm kisses in the car park before leaving the multiplex.   Paru and Raj found a spark which was missing in their lives and her decade old marriage. 

Paru was getting drawn to the developing attraction of Raj and the romantic feelings for him other than his spouse happened normally, naturally.   Paru was aware that it is harmful and can be incredibly destructive to the fabric of her family and people who care about her.  Raj was showing her the love that she never felt before.   Paru started lying. Lying, hiding and manipulating almost every single day.   She started spending every possible moment with Raj and obsessing about the next time she can be with him. 

Almost after 3 years of managing to hide and seek with her amusements outside marriage, her husband one day saw a message from Raj that could possibly damage her marriage forever.  She knew she did not get into it on purpose, but she was forced to think of how to get out of it, on purpose to save her marriage and social status.

Struggling with the strong feelings for Raj, and not having the courage to end her marriage, she started working hard in paying attention to the needs to save her marriage.  She tried to ignite the spark in her marriage by dressing up for her husband and asking for candle lit dinners.   He found it all pretentious.    Her husband hugged her gently and calmed her down when she broke up without even knowing why.

She could not act on anything…   Paru tried her best to shut the so called ‘inappropriate relationship’ down and be truthful and intentional in saving her marriage again.  Her husband remained composed and gentle letting her come to her own terms in life.

Paru started feeling terrible.  Though her intentional efforts to save her marriage was going on, she was unable to stop feeling for Raj whose love gave her the spirit to live.  She started feeling suicidal and wanted to end her life.  She has two men who adore her.  Husband who is not only compassionate, caring and understanding but also tolerant to her inconsistent emotions and there is this OTHER man who is her perfect man showing her love, showering her surprises and keeping his expectations in tact not to overwhelm her.   But Paru started having trouble stopping and have no idea what to do!   It started becoming extremely painful.

One fine Monday morning, after sending her children to school and husband to office, Paru decided to meet Raj.   She called him to the Cafe Coffee Day.   After ordering her regular cappuccino for both of them, she took his hand in hers.  Squeezed it tightly with tears flowing uninterrupted.  He did not speak. 

‘Raj, you know how much I love you.  In fact, you don’t know that I love you more than myself.   I feel so happy and fulfilling when I am with you.  I feel like my life found a meaning ever since you came in my life’…. Paru paused.  ‘But I want to end this all’…She confessed squeezing his hand further.  

Raj looked deeply into her eyes.   She could not withstand his stare.  She closed her eyes tightly and holding her hands continued to speak.  ‘Raj, I know this is awful, going to be very difficult, both of us will be terribly hurt, but let’s believe that there will be life after that’.   His eyes were getting moist but did not speak.   ‘Raj, I need to open up to God and own everything I did.  I need his mercy’.

Raj interrupted her this time.  ‘Are you sure?’  he asked.  She nodded.  Raj continued. ‘Paru, I always loved you the same way I did the day we first met.   That is not going to change.  How you want me to be with you will be based on your decision.  As I still love you the same way, I will do anything that you want.  But you need to know that walking away from me, you should be walking towards a much stronger happiness, peace and something more important than this relationship.  You should not be afraid of losing me in case that cause is much stronger and stable, happier and will give you peace.  Do it.  Or else, decide to end your marriage and start afresh to be a ‘real self’.  It will shake up things but will clear lot of things in the process.  Better than being in this hide and seek relationship and still being in a marriage.  But the decision is yours!’…. He took his hands off hers.   

He stood up silently, patted on her back, tried to give her a small smile and tried to walk away when Paru caught his hand again.   When she went in front of him, first time in life, she saw a deep pain and tears in his eyes.   He tried to act bold.  Raj tried to joke and said that he will surely fall in love once again.    6 years after marriage, he lost his wife and son to a road accident and Paru happened in his life almost 5 years after that tragedy shook his life.   She knew it is not going to be easy for him.   Probably he will stop trusting any other woman and will be afraid to even fall in love again.

‘I don’t believe in friendship beyond love Paru.  So, don’t expect me to be responding to you and being a friend, being there when you need and will run to you when I need.  Be honest to your spouse, tell him what’s not working in your relationship and try to reduce the conflict, or the silence, if he was or if you are.   Take your real needs into the marriage and seek professional help if both of you need to hear honestly to each other and reconcile.  Good luck dear’.  -  Raj kept his parting words longer, sensible and with utmost honesty. 

Paru realized that she must learn to cope up with the loss of her relationship with Raj or else will be repeating itself and contributing to more bigger problems.   Already she has caused bigger wounds to the marriage that could have impacted more than she could imagine.  She decided to confine in her husband Siva and tell him truthfully how much hurt and loneliness she was feeling in life before she ended up in her relationship with Raj.   Siva basically being a composed person did listen to her attentively.  It is amazing how people can drop their walls when they feel heard. 

Paru hugged her husband whole heartedly that night, probably first time after many years.  She cuddled into his arms feeling the comfort which she missed all these years.  She decided to ask her self deeply and stop deceiving herself and others.   In mid of the deception, she did tell so many lies that she doesn’t even know how to get back to the truth.  The only truth is that she is now ready to change.  Accept things positively.  The beginning of honesty with others is to first being honest to oneself.

The next morning, she woke up to the bed-coffee that Siva made for her.  The mystery of God’s very real and inexhaustible love seems to be taking onto her.  She is not superstitious or a religious fanatic.   The words from the book ‘The inner voice of love’ written by Henri Nouwen seems to be hitting her head.   The last night’s revelations to Siva while lying in his arms was not easy but chased away her panic about the life ahead with him.   He did not preach her, correct her or console her.  All he did was to give a small kiss on her forehead reassuring that things will be fine…and this too shall pass. 

Three souls, different emotions, difficult phases of love, biological urges, societal pressures, above all, staying humble and repenting through the backlash helped.  Siva understood that his smallest of neglect of his wife due to professional pressure will make her get lonely and he must be more expressive in his love.  Defending his actions, blaming Paru will only fuel new anger and give for permanent break up between them. 

Paru realized that unless she decides firmly on what she wants, she will be struggling between search for happiness and the factors of guilt of cheating on her spouse.   Raj realized that searching for love, all over again is not an issue, but being in a relationship with a woman who is in marriage and still not sure of what she wants is not only a curse to him but to all around.   Had her husband being a cruel person, unbearable spouse and she wants a new life altogether, there is a point in his continuing his relationship with her till they get into a legal bonding.  But if he is not certain that it will happen, there is no point in hanging on to a relationship that is fragile – be it in love, legal tangles or emotional outbursts.

End of the story -   Doing what really makes you happy in life is the only way out of all the tangles surrounding it.  As yourself in silence – you will find the answers to all tangles around!