Travel Dairy 2019

Travel Checklist - While Travelling abroad

Travel Checklist (Based on our experience and this may vary from person to person)

1.       Passport – with valid visa papers 

2.       Local currency / foreign currency

3.       Forex Card loaded / PIN number

4.       House keys

5.       Clothing - Inner Garments - Minimum 1 or 2 sets per day

6.       Dresses/ Pants/ Shirts – Minimum 1 or 2 sets per day

7.       Belts

8.       Shoes/ socks

9.       Slippers/ Sandals

10.   Tooth brush/ Paste

11.   Soaps/ Shampoo/ Wash Gels

12.   Accessories

13.   Umbrella

14.   Caps

15.   Spectacles/ Shades

16.   Medicines

17.   First Aid Kid

18.   Mobile/ Chargers/ Ear Phones

19.   Extra Bags/Covers for used clothes

20.   Sanitary pads/ Tissues

21.   Handkerchiefs/ Scarfs

22.   Deodorants/ perfumes

23.   Regular Make up set / Oils

24.   Camera

25.   Emergency Contact Details to your near and dear ones

26.   Copy of Travel itenary to your loved ones

27.   Insurance Details

28.   Reusable Water bottles/ Spoons

29.   Basic kitchen ware/groceries if you are planning to cook on travel

30.   Happy Faces of “YOU”

An in-house inspiration called Yamini Krishnan- Journey of a College Drop Out to a Corporate HR Director...

November 15 always happens to be a day I rejoice every year.  This is the day that gifted me my elder sister, my first friend, my guide, my best critic and above all, only woman who can easily fit into my parents shoes as they slipped away with the time.   Today, she is a celebrated HR Professional and feel-good friend to be around for many.   What many do not know is the story of a strong woman behind this most-happy-good-looking-globe-trotting HR leader.

Born in a small town called Eluru, in West Godavari District of Andhra Pradesh to the parents who welcomed their baby girl.   Mother P.G.Sampath Kumari and Father N. Sampath Kumar named her Yamini Venkata Lakshmi  (Ya- for the star sign she was born into,  Venkata - for their ardently worshipped Lord Balaji for a child after the first baby being a breach born and passing away on third day of birth and Lakshmi - naming after her great grandmother).   She was fondly called as SYV Lakshmi in her St.Theresa's school days in Eluru and having born in the era when the ever green Hindi Movie 'Bobby' was released, she was fondly called Bobby at home.     She was the most favorite child of her grand mother Sakuntala Bai who raised us and she always used to cuddle her grand mother to sleep, sing songs along, enjoy the moments roaming around with her.   

Religious rituals and festivals were grandly celebrated at home and she was always a part of the singing team along with our father.   Ayyapa Bhajans used to have her singing her famous song 'Ayya Darshanam...Swamy Ayya Darshanam'.... Chanting Suprabhatam every saturday with our father was a ritual we never used to miss.  She was also good at playing badminton with our dad in his office lawns.   We both used to tag along with him to movies and eating out alot.   She was also part of the singing team  of State Government Employees Union Strike and went on the groove the 'Gadar Songs' and the so called 'Viplavanthmaka Telugu Geethalu' during the Emergency Period.  This tiny girl was just a daddy's girl doing what ever he wanted her to do.  I always had the privilege of taking over her uniforms, books and school bag as the school years slipped by.  She had close set of friends unlike me where everyone I know was in the friend list.   She used to keep her moments of joy and sorrow private and cherish every close friendship very deeply. 

After her 10th grade, parents decided to move her to Chennai for higher studies.   From an absolutely care free father to a disciplining authoritative mother, the journey was not easy.   Like all typical mothers of those days, we had our own share of restrictions.  We were not allowed to talk to strangers, keep the doors open when our mom was not around,  not allowed for movies and hanging out with friends,  and pocket money was very very limited to basic needs of commutation to school and back home.  Those were the days we did not have a gas-connection or even tubelights at home.   Yamini beared it all with ease.  The change was not easy but her focus was only on getting into an good engineering college at the end of her high school .. She used to longingly wait for our visits to Chennai with our father.. She used to wait for my dad's telephone call to next door Meenakshi aunty's house.   Those were the days where inland letters used to bring us updates, happiness and action items.   SCIMA soon became her happiest school where she made new set of friends.   

She was enjoying her city life until that cold winter morning in January 1992 that shook our lives like nothing else can.   Passing away of our father to massive heart attack at the age of 48 leaving behind aged mother, asthmatic wife, three minor girl children, widowed elder sister and affectionate younger sister and her family.   The ground under our feet quaked like hell.  Just couple of months away from the most important public exams of 12th grade,  she had to travel to Eluru to see our dad for one last time.   She reached with my mom after 12 hours of train journey and both of us hugged each other and sat next to his still frame watching him all the night.   Less did we know that our lives will be changed once for all. 

The relocation of the whole family to Chennai,  squeezing ourselves from a 4 bedroom house in Eluru to a single room and kitchen with the whole lot of things we decided to keep, life was suddenly changed.   We sisters used to find solace in each other,  We did not have the time or tide to even grieve as the stress of those times were high.  Our mother became more agitated, worried and sick.   Frequent hospitalizations,  managing without servants or support system,  depending on her meager earnings and having three young girls to deal with was becoming too much for my mother who was just in mid forties.   Our younger sister Jayanthi was so young to even understand the changes.  Bobby suddenly became more responsible, serious and more focused.  She used to protect us from my mother's wavering mood swings and situations.    For many years, we did not have money to even buy new clothes, go for a movie, or eat one meal out.   We had to share what ever my mother could provide us and we used to spend time watching cricket and tennis at home.  We used to do all house hold chores, keep our needs very limited and did not dare to argue with our mom.  

Yamini did score well in 12th grade, but could not get a seat in Engineering college through the entrance in government college.   My mother joined her in Meenakshi College for B.Sc Mathematics.   She used to silently go to college and come back in afternoon and do her share of work at home and help her younger sisters.   She was the only solace to show love and affection to both of us, as my mother was way too tied up with her office, home, relatives and running errands to pay EB bill, telephone bill,  taxes etc.  Remember those were the days we did not have internet banking, online payments or mobile phones.   We could not afford autos, forget taxies or air planes.   

We did have a fun remembrance of squeezing few Rupees to make her go and watch the movie 'Roja' when it got released without our mother's knowledge.  She was mad about Nagarjuna and loved to watch all his movies.   We as a family were mad about cricket.  

Life was becoming stressful for my mom.  We had lot of relatives and equally came lot of free advice's instead of help that mattered.   My mom strongly believed that she will not take loans nor will lend anyone.  She was the master of every penny she earned and spent.  Giving the right education and getting us married became her life goals.  

During my dad's first year anniversary, my mom was advised to get Yamini married.  She was just going to be 18.  Within couple of months, proposal for her marriage came in.  My mother silently arranged for the meeting of the bride groom at our place.  He was 23 and just lost his mother an year back.   I became wild.  Fought with her and argued with her.  But my relatives kept pushing my mother saying it is a good alliance and she should not give up.  Finally C.G.Krishnan came into our lives as a Young Bridegroom of the family marrying my sister Yamini when they were 23 and 18 respectively.   They looked cute, all smiles, all shy,  all innocent.   Yamini will go crazy if I share her wedding pics as she looks like a country-fruit...a typical south Indian timid little girl..still in her teens,  quite lost in a marriage that was just pushed on her and sudden change in life all over again.   She had to drop out of the college after completing just the first year of B.Sc Mathematics.   

Here began the evolution of Yamini Krishnan.    The timid introvert Yamini found a altogether new life ahead.   She  moved to Guntur with her young husband and father-in-law who had his own set of rules and things to deal with .  Krishnan and Yamini had an amazing set of friends who are still close even today.  On her return from her honeymoon to Ooty, she got me my first watch and a hat for Jayanthi.   We were elated to get gifts.  From that day, she brings us home gifts every time she travels and this became a tradition for her and we enjoy that even today.   She used to buy me clothes, slippers and books and also train tickets if we want to visit her.  She learnt cooking,  keeping up the house beautiful and hosting people and parties.   Krishnan stood by her like a rock support encouraging her to pursue her education.   She went ahead to continue her studies after marriage.   Her husband's frequent and maddening travel gave her time to get back to writing and she started scribbling in her blog 'Maddening Silences'  and she continued her poetry.   She used to knit and paint.  

After 5 years of marriage and after her niece Aishwarya was born, she embraced motherhood with the birth of Ajay.  She continued to pursue her education and continious learning.   Started her career as a Young HR executive, she found her calling in People Management.  She is too good at handling people, networking, negotiation and suddenly all her hidden talents of managing people and process started emerging.   Both Yamini and Krishnan enjoy travelling and probably she would have visited 25+ countries in the last 25 years and now handles several countries as part of her job responsibility..

The major turning point came when she decided to do Executive Course in management in IIM Calcutta.   From there, there is no looking back.  She did put her relentless efforts to learning and completing the course.  She became a magnet attracting people and became a go to person to resolve people issues in the Organizations she worked for.   Slowly and steadily she grew her career with care along with caring for her family.    Hardwork and sincere dedication made her break all barriers pushed into her way.  She had her fair share of challenges on home-front that she dealt with utmost courage and confidence.  She stood by us at all times and was our gatekeeper when the tsunamis of time was at our doors to succumb us.   She dared to call a spade a spade and she was very clear in her thinking, handling things and pushing her self to beat her best everytime. 

Despite of her busy and erratic work schedules, she used to take the next available flight from anywhere in the world, the  minute she heard that my mother was hospitalized.   She used to directly drive down from airport to Sooriya Hospital and sit with my mother and keep working and she did this every single time my mother fell sick.   She was there for us sisters and our children no matter what.  Her calls are comforting every day.   The happiness of having such a strong woman in our lives is a true blessing.   

I and Jayanthi did lose our parents soon, but this woman never made us miss them.  To her family comes first than anything.  Her work is her worship.   She loves traveling, driving cars and going on races, dress up bright and lighten up lives around her.   She is the strongest influence on my daughter letting her chase her dreams.  

Today Yamini Krishnan is a celebrated HR leader,  well-established Speaker,  amazing poet and writer,  very inspiring spouse of a successful Sales Leader in the Industry,  very caring mother and aunt, go-to-support sister and a great friend to many.   

Every woman can be an achiever.  But only few can achieve what Yamini could in life.  It is because of the few strong ethical values in which she strongly believes.  She motivates people and spreads happiness around...She brings in peace and happiness to our family.  She is drafting many a success stories of people around her.   

Writing her amazing journey was in my thoughts for long, and there could be no better day than today to jot this down.  

Happy Birthday My Darling Sister-  You are mine, My Pride...My support system...My best ever friend....You are best inhouse inspiration that we can have.   Shine bright my dear Bobby...Love you for ever....

15 Nov 2019.....

Children of today - An insight into the Parent's Circle- Do's and Don't of being a Modern Day Parent!

Happy Childrens Day to all the amazing young souls of this world...and to every child living within you as you grow older, wiser and smarter!     Every parent was once a child.   Every child will one day become an adult...may be a parent too.    It is important on this children's day to look into what it takes to make or break your role as Modern Day Parent!   Honestly, it is not easy any longer.  Gone are the day when parents can be dictators, authoritative, commanding and expecting.  Today, the expectation of the children are different.  The needs are much more vast and complex.   Life is no longer simpler.  Thanks to to the modern day distractors of the changing digital world.  Thanks to the overwhelming information overflow and accessibility to everything and anything that is killing the innocence of the children.    The curiosity is high, the restlessness is more and expectations are quite dangerous.   They are pushed into the rat-race and the skills expected are so different, dynamic and relatively complex.   So it is the time, parent understands the children.. more attentively, deeply and closely...not to lose them to depression,  care-free attitude and become losers in life!

Do's of Being a Modern Day Parent!

• Be a Observer .  Watch them closely and listen to every sign and speech attentively.   In this rat-race of the world,  and highly demanding careers is not an excuse for parents to be non-hearing to their children.  
• Be a friend -   Try to understand the interests of the children today.  Learn whats changing in the world they are growing in.   Pace with the changes.   That's what can make you relate to what they are going through.
• Be a parent -  Set some ground rules.  Being a friend doesn't mean  you give up being a parent.   Define the expectations..explain to them and talk it out openly.  Don't discipline them in old ways but teach them the consequences of certain actions 
• Encourage creativity-    Let them dream their own dreams.  Don't push your unfinished dreams/ goals/ tasks on them.  It is their individual life.  What you could not achieve, don't push on them and kill their space.   Let them be creative
• Let them take risks -  Encourage them to try new things.  Guide them and support them but don't overwhelm them.   Tell them to take calculated risks and face changes.  
• Let them fail -   It is OK to make mistakes and learn by themselves.   Let them fail early and get over it.   The survival of the fittest is an old wine in new bottle.   
• Do what you want to teach them -  Be a role model, set an example.   The words you speak, the routines you make,  footprints you leave, remember they are watching you and will follow you.  Be careful of your own actions for they are following you.  
• Teach them that food is never free.   There is nothing like free food in this world.  Tell them it is not swiggy or uber eats that bring them food.  It is the hardwork of farmers..back breaking hardwork of parents that earn them the food.  Warn them that if something is offered free, there will be a big hidden price to pay
• Start Savings very young.   Buy them kiddy-banks.. Give them a small monthly allowance and teach them to save out of it.  Savings is a big habit that them long way into handling finances in life.   Teach them to give 10% of their earning to charity always.  
• Encourage Talking and Socializing -  Modern children are so stuck to the gadgets that they are no longer able to communicate and socialize with strangers.  some within their own families and friends and become introvert.   Take them out without gadgets.  Introduce them to relatives and family friends.  Make them part of religious and social events
• Let them chase their dreams and think out of the box.  Encourage them to share ideas, come up with small tasks at home,  give them responsibilities to clean up the house,  put up a painting, cook for a evening, make tea,  put up a task list / planner for the day and tick it off when done.   This makes them more organized, responsible and accountable.  Treat them with small gifts when work done well
• Take family time and vacations and travel.    No other riches give them the experience that travel gives.   Take small vacations often.  Budget-friendly, Eco-friendly, nature, mountains, waterfalls, forests, animals and birds, new food, new culture and clothing, new lifestyles that they see in travel gives them the knowledge that no academic pursuits can give.  So plan and spend every year on your travel goals.   Don't carry work when you are on travel with your children.   
• Prayers/ Faith / Respect -   Teach them basic prayers to do every day.  Meditate for 10 minutes.  Walk for 30 mins.   Greet elders with folded hands and touching feet.  The blessings you get doing this alters  your ego.   It is uplifts your soul. Makes them humble,  trust-able.  Teach them seeking blessings on birthdays from elders is not a ritual but brings in positive vibrations in life.   
• Be attentive -   Watch their actions, who their friends are.  Keep a tab on their digital usage and tell them the difference between good and bad.   Explain to them the realities and atrocities of the world.   Teach them to be gender-neutral.  Respect the other gender.  

Don't of the Modern Day Parent!

• Don't provoke -   Keep your radical ideas to yourself.  Already the children are overwhelmed with the digital information overflow.  So don't share any things or thoughts that would provoke them to be rebellious
• Don't show your frustrations on them -   Learn to control your anger, share expectations with proper voice modulation.  Don't physically abuse them and push them to hit back or shout back and lose your respect
• Don't tell them you are busy-  They will stop coming to you when they need you.  What ever may be the busy schedules, keep a small amount of time reserved to talk to them every day as a routine, just when they come back from school, call them and ask what happened.  This sharing will give you a perspective on whats happening to their lives 
• Don't set wrong precedents.   Tell them smoking is injurious to health and drinking can be dangerous.   Do it in private if you need to.  When you are find that they are getting into the habits that concern you,  talk to them softly and tell them the consequences.  Don't confront
• Don't take loans and show them it is ok.  Teach them to manage their ends within the means.  It is not ok to take loans and do big things.   Tell them taking and giving money between friends actually spoil friendships and relationships
• Don't stick to your dream -  let them build their own careers.   Don't push your ideas or unfulfilled dreams on to them and burden them
• Don't leave your parents in oldage homes.    Take care of them abundantly with care and affection.   This will teach your children to respect grand parents and learn from them. It is not ok to abandon oldage elders what may come.   
• Don't intrude into their privacy.  Children today want to be more independent.  So talk to them friendly way and let them share their tiny secrets.  Don't fiddle with their phones and break their trust in you.   It is ok to let them have their own space.   If you are open enough and approachable, they will reach out to you 
• Don't tell anything that will burden their future or scare them off.   Don't keep on whining if you have quit your job to take care of them, or had to take loans to fund education.  They have not asked you to sacrifice anything for them.  So don't make them feel guilty for your pains and burdens.   
• Don't do anything that you were not comfortable when you were a child.   Teach them to understand bad touch and good touch.   Not to even trust and get closer physically to the closest of relatives for that is the first treat for sexual exploitation of children.  

Being a modern day parent is not only challenging but also very complex role to play.  Few things reflecting on how we were as children and how we have to be as parents will go a long way in shaping up the future of our children.  Let them live their lives and dream big and chase their own lives.   Who knows... there may be a Dr.Kalam waiting in your child to explore and become one.   

Enjoy being a modern day parent.   Parenting is a huge and divine responsibility.  Enjoy the same to the fullest.   Our children will grow faster and make our homes empty-nests sooner than we can even think of.   So spend as much time as you can with them, when it is not too late.  Love and celebrate every day of life passionately and with a penultimate purpose of being happy.   Success, Wealth, Fame,  and rest will automatically follow

God bless you all!

Bhagwan Ramakrishna Paramahamsar from Madras Ladies Drama Group Trust & Bombay Gnanam- A review and a thank you!

Being Theatre enthusiasts and rasikas of Madras Sabhas and Cultural events, we take every possible opportunity on weekends to make it to the drama's and kutcheries in Chennai.  Today was no different as Raghu and I decided to go to MFAC for a relaxed sunday evening theater extravaganza from Madras Ladies Drama Group founded by Bombay Gnanam akka 30 golden years ago.  The last minute decision to make it, must have been his way of calling to know more about the great 'Paramahamsa'...Lord Ramakrishna and Sarada devi and Swami Vivekananda. 

The evening opened up with the opening remarks on the play from Gnanam akka and the way she introduced the story line, the artists and the effort to bring this to the masses itself was a goosebumps beginning.  The next 2 hours was a spiritual extravaganza...the inner awakening...and a kind of enlightenment.   We have been visiting Ramakrishna Mission temple and also been part of several of their charitable works in the past and Raghu being an ardent disciple of Vivekananda...this evening made us get much closer to Sri Ramakrishnar himself.   

There were moments of tears and happiness,  a inner contentment of knowing more about the early years of the great saint and his way of invoking Goddess Kali, the moments of inner bliss and absolute divine consciousness.   It was as if these ladies were taking us deeply into the life and history of Hinduism,  Lord Ramakrishna and his life, his teachings, his way of looking at life, his absolute self of truth and inner awakening.   His immense bhakthi that is not easy for ordinary minds to understand.   His way of understanding the Goddess and his deep sense of belongingness to the Almighty in the much mightier form of Maha Maa Kali.   

At one stage, we forget that it is the lady artists who are performing the roles of every male character on stage, and thanks to the costumes and props that actually take you to the era of Ramakrishnar.  Great work from Charu, Ragini, Mohan Babu and Shymala.  I am so happy to be knowing Ragini Praveen personally as a Inner Wheel friend.   Sets from Mohan Babu transforms to real Dakisheswar and makes you long to be there at the Maa Kaali temple.   My next trip to Dakishneswar Ramakrishna Mutt and Kali Maa temple in November will be making me surely reminiscence of this evening that actually took us to Kaali temple with ease with the sets that were so powerful and realistic.   

Lights from Mano Lightings and Govind actually give the right effects to the stage and for this level of magnanimous production, lights and sound play a major role.   Kannan and Saamy with their make up marks a different level of perfection, and not until the end during the introduction of the artists that you realize that there is no male artist on the stage and thanks to the precision in the make up by these great support from Kannan and Saamy..absolutely flawless.   

Songs set to tune by Suchitra Balasubramanian makes you literally stand up in reverence at many places during the play with the selection of songs and high level of devotional music.  You literally transfer yourself from MFAC to the banks of Dakishneswar temple and thanks to Suchitra's songs...and the background score and songs produced and arranged by Divakar Subramanian makes you thank him in abundance.  Thara Srinivasan's story research,  and Kamala Eswaran's role as Production Manager adds abundant value to this spectacular show.    Associate Director Padma Ganapathy, and Production team including Mohan, Padma and Dakshin, needs a special mention

Every artist gave in their best.  Especially Varsha, with her ligment tear did not mind pushing herself to done the role of Bhagwan Ramakrishna and she gave a stellar performance.   I could not sit in my chair at the end and rose in sheer bliss to clap for all of them with absolute happiness for having attended this show today.  Thank you team for this wonderful and mesmerizing journey taking us into the life story of Bhagwan Sri Ramakrishna Paramhamsar.    Thank you so much

This is not a propaganda for Hinduism or Ramakrishna Mission...but a honest attempt to make you understand what real Hinduism is and the way of life of a Hindu and takes you into the lives of both Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and Swami Vivekananda...Last words, please spread the message for more and more people to view this wonderful play and also financial support this troupe to bring us many more shows like this.   Go and enjoy the sheer bliss of Tamil Theater in its earnest effort to showcase the great life of Bhagwan Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.   Guruvey Saranam!

One Happyness Conversations that ended my day in tears- Huge Respect to K.S.Narendran and R.V.Rajan whose love for their respective spouses brought tears to this soul

AVIS initiatives and especially their Happyness Conversations touch me everytime I attend .....today was no different.  Infact, it was very special because it had Rotarian Rajan as one of the Guest speaker...what else I need as motivational factor to push myself to attend amidst two critically complex production cutovers at working  I have been manning from early in the day and a college talk that was pre-planned long ago and skin infection that was really skin deep in trouble today and thanks to my dermatologist friend Sneha who came to my rescue last night....medication, work pressure, social commitment and the urge to go for this conversation....what a day!

Today as we heard the conversation of two different men who adored their wives in their own way, and who lost their beloved spouses in two different ways and yet, had a strong underlying uniqueness of a strong bond and falling in loving as they grow old.

R.V. Rajan and his beloved wife Prabha Rajan

Rajan who is now 70+  had an amazing career as the Ad Man, Rural Marketing Expert, Socialite, Author, Celebrity. Round Tabler, Rotarian and many other feathers in his cap.    His beloved Prabha Rajan is known to me ever since I joined Inner Wheel in 2004...on the day she passed on 5 Jan 2013, I was in the ITIL certification process and exam, and couldnt reach her house on time to see her for one last time before her final journey....that regret ran in me for long time.  Subsequently coming to know about Rajan, he became a very important part in our lives as part of our Mutual Admiration Club....and we kept bumping into each other at many social gatherings.  Rajan and Raghu also bonded well and we had so much in common to celebrate this friendship.   Prabha from being an introvert, to a very expressive writer, and her transition from being a timid madras mammi to be the 'Nightingale of Inner Wheel Club of Madras South' her journey is an inspiration to many.

Rajan instead of mourning the loss of his beloved wife, decided to greive in a different way.. Celebrate her life and create more of Prabha Rajans in the remaining life he is gifted with after her demise...His Prabha Rajan Talent Foundation has a beautiful purpose on its own and today, he still feels that he can help women recreate the magic in their lives by becoming published authors and he encourages women writers to survive, get opportunities and chase their dreams...Hats off to you Rajan....some where deep down in me, I am discovering a father bond in you...God bless you Rajan.

K.S.Narendra and his wife Chandrika.

Ever since MH 370 disappeared from the skies on 8 March 2014, this particular tragic event baffled me like many around the world.   It was absolutely undigestable that a so called most secured passenger aircraft can just go missing   for no reason known so far from the skies and no amount of loss, anger, frustration,  pressure from the families those who lost their beloved one's could make this search continue till the whole episode found a logical conclusion.  It is very unfortunate that 3 families from India lost 5 of their beloved one's and it wasnt even a number that would be considered important for Govt of India to push for answers and it is the most unfortunate thing for the families when compared with the 150+ lives of Chinese .   As Naren, was speaking, I could feel that choke in his voice...absolutely controlled grief,  a deep anger that had no where to go, the pain that is absolutely devastating and lots and lots of questions that probably will never have answers.  Chandrika who used to be full of life disappeared along with the plane she was in.   You should watch this conversation video recorded to feel the depth of love he has on her and how tough this spouse goes through after she is gone.   Naren calls life as a gift and he has to move on.  But one thing that can never go from him, is the love for Chandrika, his grief which he learnt to live with,  the healing that is very minimal and a life ahead which is absolutely based on the flow of the daily routine, with no dreams of his beloved coming true.     I struggled to hold back my tears while hearing him.

What this conversations about 2 deaths was disturbing to me and absolutely related....

2018 was a painful year in my life..losing 2 absolutely important women in my life...my mother and my god-daughter Manasa.

My mother lived a full life,  had her own struggles and health issues,  a life full of battles of all kinds and tasting success of the daughters she raised, and her glorious last 20 years of life was filled with the joy of being a very very happy grand mother and she adored her grand children like nothing else. 
A small fall at home, that broke her arm, and subsequently restricted her movements and finally diagnosed with 70% clots in 3 of her nerves in the brain....was a painful journey...Just like Prabha, my mom struggled with the issues related to her brain problem for 7 long months and the physical pain she was suffering was unbearable and difficult for us to watch.. We could help her with supporting externally round the clock, ran to the hospital errands and stayed with her, treating her like a baby in her last few months.  At one stage, seeing her in so much of physical pain,  I prayed God to give it an end and relieve her from this earthly pain.  I prepared myself to accept her death when it happened.  I started celebrating her life.   Despite that her loss created a deep sense of vacuum and I wished to knock on her door when I return from work..   She was there to take of my home and my daughter and gave me ample space to pursue what I want and chase my dreams.  Today, I miss her support, her discipline and her unexpressed unending love in actions.  Probably this is so similar to what Rajan is going through.  The only difference is that my loss is of a parent and his loss is of his spouse of more than 40 years.    We need more Rajans in our society who don't talk on women empowerment but just be the torch bearers of the same.   God bless you Rajan

Munni (Sai Manasa)  gave us no clue that she will disappear one night , like an star into the skies.  The foster daughter who adored me like her own mother,  spent more of the last 6 years of her 19 years young life at my home as my twin-friend-soul-sister to my daughter.  Ever since she came in our lives in 2012, I stopped my regret of aishu not having a own sister and Munni just became such an integral part of our lives.  She stood with us like a soothing soul when my mom passed away in august and spent every day consoling Aishu who was raised by my mom.  The day I was starting to Canada, she really gave me headache by sleeping off in the flat and not opening the door for the roommates and make me go crazy on her.  Wish that craziness continued.  She used to love me, trouble me, pamper me, get pampered, get fed, get cajoled in my arms to sleep and literally bite my cheeks and sleep... First 15 days of my Corporate Service Corps journey in Canada went off very happily till the screaming call I received on the night of Oct 15th last year from aishu saying that Munni met with a tragic bike accident and died on spot.   I didnt know how to react, I became numb...I was on the other side of the planet...and next 24 hours was brutal...and subsequently the grief of her loss became more and more as I could not see her final journey and catch one last glimpse of her.  Today I strongly believe that I wouldn't have had the courage to bid her a final bye.  The guilt that she wouldn't have even done what she did to end up in this tragic death had I been in India ...similar to Chandrika's death where Naren had no control., we didn't have any control in the way we lost munni

Several questions remained unanswered!

1.  Why did she go on that fateful bike journey of 400 kms without telling her parents or us?
2.  Why did she trust the professor and traveled alone starting from home at 10,30 PM to reach Theni in the morning to see kurunji flowers bloom?
3.  Why did she neglect the fact that bike riding on highway in the night can be dangerous?
4.  What a stupid sense of gender-equity that professor defended himself saying he never thought the difference of a girl or a boy when she asked to venture out?
5.  Who gave Ben Philip right to take her on the ride without proper permission?
6.  Why did Ben Philip tell the NIFT management that accident happened at 5.30 am where as Post Mortem report mentioned the time of accident at 12.05 and death on spot?
7.  Did Ben Philip ensure that she had the right helmet,  jacket and other precautions to travel that far in the night?  When he was wearing all that, where did his common sense go to not ensure she is safe?
8.  How did he miss to see the sudden /or slow coming of the bullock cart and ramp his bike to the bullock cart and eventually resulting in the death of the animal on the highway?
9.  Why did our law system not punish him for his over speeding or rash driving and negligence resulting in loss of lives of both the teenage student and the animal on the road
10.  There is no justice to the suffering of pain our child went through as she got  hit to the ground and died on the road bleeding and in darkness and loneliness and later butchered in the hospital in the name of PM and investigation?
11.  No amount of police investigation or running behind advocates, could ensure that Ben Philip is punished for his negligence.  I could not pursue this case due the fact that aishu is studying in the same college. 
12.  Ben moved ahead with his life in no time, just like every other newspaper and political leaders after MH370 disappearance and so did his college, and her classmates.  What impacted was the family of manasa and us and the grief was so deep that we are still struggling to cope up
13.  A normal excursion and adventure turned into a nightmare and loss of a precious life which did not matter to any one in the system..except for the family and friends
14.  Why did Munni not even tell Aishu till the last half hour before leaving our house in OLA to that fateful bike ride?
15.  Is this Karma which united Munni with her biological mother as she longed to see her once, to be with her, despite all the efforts her dad and mother put in to raising?
16. Of all the time , why the hell I was away from India and did not see her finally to bid adieu...
17.  Road accidents happen every minute and every hour it claims 17 lives in India....and most of them are due to negligent driving.  But why Munni?   why us to this suffering?   Why do we deserve this? Is 19 a age to die this tragic death? 
18.  Is there a logical conclusion to this pain and when and how are we going to make peace with her death and move on?
19.  Will punishing Ben philip matter any more and bring her back to life?  Will it give us peace?  Will it resolve the loss?   I dont know
20.  This is the grief, we dont want to ignore but embrace, celebrate the love she shared, memories she created with 1000+ pictures she took with aishu...and despite she being our limited edition, her memory will not be of the past.  She will live with us till our last breath.... Oct 4th , her hindu thiti is going to drain us and coping up with her first anniversary on 15 oct is going to be painful...but I am sure she will not like us sulking or crying..instead she would want us to wear her pink, dance in her memory, feed the destitute children and sleep hugging the part of her remaining with us. 

This happyness conversation for sure made me end the day in tears and pain.  The takeaways of the evening are many and recalling the conversation will hopefully give us the strength to celebrate the 2 important women in our lives and move on with daily grind of routine.   Miss u mom and munni

Rest in peace Prabha and Chandrika.   Gone are the physical bodies but not your souls that are truly cherished in your spouses hearts and minds....Both Rajan and Naren are coping up this in their own way and spreading the message of love beyond death. 

Thanks to Vaani and AVIS for one another touching conversation .   God bless you both. 

How to end an extra marital affair? In Paru's way! (Short Story from Paru Tales)

It happened and it really stink.   Paru had been married for years and suddenly she found herself in a deep attraction to someone else.    A casual encounter at a social gathering, exchanging niceties on the social media, following each other’s life closely to an extent that a new friendship with a soul connection grew without even both realizing the deep bond.

One night a long conversation turned into a test-flirt the next day during a lunch break from office, that got rewarded, a touch of hand over passing a tissue and soon navigating into the depths of serious deceptions.   Paru never imagined things going this far neither planned anything nor stopped it before it reached a point where she started cheating on her spouse. 

Feelings taking hold of them due to host of reasons and few purely biological.   Catching like a common cold, slowly turning to a fatal disease.   The brain awash with an insane logic that seems to make sense, with a strong sense of awakens from an otherwise dull marriage and the feeling of inner spirits revived and ignoring the tsunamis of guilt and shame of the new-found happiness in life. 

The small attractions of wearing matching dresses, looking gorgeous on dinner dates, romantic feelings arising while watching movies and the stars romancing on screen, slowly trying to hold fingers tightly and brushing across each other’s shoulders in response to the onscreen romance and then trying to place small and tender warm kisses in the car park before leaving the multiplex.   Paru and Raj found a spark which was missing in their lives and her decade old marriage. 

Paru was getting drawn to the developing attraction of Raj and the romantic feelings for him other than his spouse happened normally, naturally.   Paru was aware that it is harmful and can be incredibly destructive to the fabric of her family and people who care about her.  Raj was showing her the love that she never felt before.   Paru started lying. Lying, hiding and manipulating almost every single day.   She started spending every possible moment with Raj and obsessing about the next time she can be with him. 

Almost after 3 years of managing to hide and seek with her amusements outside marriage, her husband one day saw a message from Raj that could possibly damage her marriage forever.  She knew she did not get into it on purpose, but she was forced to think of how to get out of it, on purpose to save her marriage and social status.

Struggling with the strong feelings for Raj, and not having the courage to end her marriage, she started working hard in paying attention to the needs to save her marriage.  She tried to ignite the spark in her marriage by dressing up for her husband and asking for candle lit dinners.   He found it all pretentious.    Her husband hugged her gently and calmed her down when she broke up without even knowing why.

She could not act on anything…   Paru tried her best to shut the so called ‘inappropriate relationship’ down and be truthful and intentional in saving her marriage again.  Her husband remained composed and gentle letting her come to her own terms in life.

Paru started feeling terrible.  Though her intentional efforts to save her marriage was going on, she was unable to stop feeling for Raj whose love gave her the spirit to live.  She started feeling suicidal and wanted to end her life.  She has two men who adore her.  Husband who is not only compassionate, caring and understanding but also tolerant to her inconsistent emotions and there is this OTHER man who is her perfect man showing her love, showering her surprises and keeping his expectations in tact not to overwhelm her.   But Paru started having trouble stopping and have no idea what to do!   It started becoming extremely painful.

One fine Monday morning, after sending her children to school and husband to office, Paru decided to meet Raj.   She called him to the Cafe Coffee Day.   After ordering her regular cappuccino for both of them, she took his hand in hers.  Squeezed it tightly with tears flowing uninterrupted.  He did not speak. 

‘Raj, you know how much I love you.  In fact, you don’t know that I love you more than myself.   I feel so happy and fulfilling when I am with you.  I feel like my life found a meaning ever since you came in my life’…. Paru paused.  ‘But I want to end this all’…She confessed squeezing his hand further.  

Raj looked deeply into her eyes.   She could not withstand his stare.  She closed her eyes tightly and holding her hands continued to speak.  ‘Raj, I know this is awful, going to be very difficult, both of us will be terribly hurt, but let’s believe that there will be life after that’.   His eyes were getting moist but did not speak.   ‘Raj, I need to open up to God and own everything I did.  I need his mercy’.

Raj interrupted her this time.  ‘Are you sure?’  he asked.  She nodded.  Raj continued. ‘Paru, I always loved you the same way I did the day we first met.   That is not going to change.  How you want me to be with you will be based on your decision.  As I still love you the same way, I will do anything that you want.  But you need to know that walking away from me, you should be walking towards a much stronger happiness, peace and something more important than this relationship.  You should not be afraid of losing me in case that cause is much stronger and stable, happier and will give you peace.  Do it.  Or else, decide to end your marriage and start afresh to be a ‘real self’.  It will shake up things but will clear lot of things in the process.  Better than being in this hide and seek relationship and still being in a marriage.  But the decision is yours!’…. He took his hands off hers.   

He stood up silently, patted on her back, tried to give her a small smile and tried to walk away when Paru caught his hand again.   When she went in front of him, first time in life, she saw a deep pain and tears in his eyes.   He tried to act bold.  Raj tried to joke and said that he will surely fall in love once again.    6 years after marriage, he lost his wife and son to a road accident and Paru happened in his life almost 5 years after that tragedy shook his life.   She knew it is not going to be easy for him.   Probably he will stop trusting any other woman and will be afraid to even fall in love again.

‘I don’t believe in friendship beyond love Paru.  So, don’t expect me to be responding to you and being a friend, being there when you need and will run to you when I need.  Be honest to your spouse, tell him what’s not working in your relationship and try to reduce the conflict, or the silence, if he was or if you are.   Take your real needs into the marriage and seek professional help if both of you need to hear honestly to each other and reconcile.  Good luck dear’.  -  Raj kept his parting words longer, sensible and with utmost honesty. 

Paru realized that she must learn to cope up with the loss of her relationship with Raj or else will be repeating itself and contributing to more bigger problems.   Already she has caused bigger wounds to the marriage that could have impacted more than she could imagine.  She decided to confine in her husband Siva and tell him truthfully how much hurt and loneliness she was feeling in life before she ended up in her relationship with Raj.   Siva basically being a composed person did listen to her attentively.  It is amazing how people can drop their walls when they feel heard. 

Paru hugged her husband whole heartedly that night, probably first time after many years.  She cuddled into his arms feeling the comfort which she missed all these years.  She decided to ask her self deeply and stop deceiving herself and others.   In mid of the deception, she did tell so many lies that she doesn’t even know how to get back to the truth.  The only truth is that she is now ready to change.  Accept things positively.  The beginning of honesty with others is to first being honest to oneself.

The next morning, she woke up to the bed-coffee that Siva made for her.  The mystery of God’s very real and inexhaustible love seems to be taking onto her.  She is not superstitious or a religious fanatic.   The words from the book ‘The inner voice of love’ written by Henri Nouwen seems to be hitting her head.   The last night’s revelations to Siva while lying in his arms was not easy but chased away her panic about the life ahead with him.   He did not preach her, correct her or console her.  All he did was to give a small kiss on her forehead reassuring that things will be fine…and this too shall pass. 

Three souls, different emotions, difficult phases of love, biological urges, societal pressures, above all, staying humble and repenting through the backlash helped.  Siva understood that his smallest of neglect of his wife due to professional pressure will make her get lonely and he must be more expressive in his love.  Defending his actions, blaming Paru will only fuel new anger and give for permanent break up between them. 

Paru realized that unless she decides firmly on what she wants, she will be struggling between search for happiness and the factors of guilt of cheating on her spouse.   Raj realized that searching for love, all over again is not an issue, but being in a relationship with a woman who is in marriage and still not sure of what she wants is not only a curse to him but to all around.   Had her husband being a cruel person, unbearable spouse and she wants a new life altogether, there is a point in his continuing his relationship with her till they get into a legal bonding.  But if he is not certain that it will happen, there is no point in hanging on to a relationship that is fragile – be it in love, legal tangles or emotional outbursts.

End of the story -   Doing what really makes you happy in life is the only way out of all the tangles surrounding it.  As yourself in silence – you will find the answers to all tangles around!

An year after you...... will be holding onto you....today and forever...Amma!

Thinking of you!

Today and forever

Missing your loud voice around

The discipline, the care, the concern

Every time I fell down

You stood there, 

pushing me to raise again

Since you have gone

I close my eyes and 

think of what you would say

for things that I am not sure

Morning coffees are not same again

No one can match your cooking 

Be it your kesari or simple rasam

wish I wait for one other meal with you

You were a tough task master

but I guess that really worked wonders

You were strong battling asthma

and all the evils in and out as well

Upkeeping your house like you used to do

doing what socially is right as you did

managing people and finances with ease

contentment with what you had always

none of the above is easy for me today