Dos and Dont's while taking Sabarimala Vratham - Things to know during Ayyapa Puja

Certain things in life are inherited from the traditions followed since ages without even they being written anywhere but passed on from generations to generations by following and practicing what is deemed right and religious required. Kerala and its traditional temples were known for their orthodox and highly traditional and conservative existence known to mankind. The sanctity and purity of these rituals make this an endearing saga and gives an enriched way of life. We all cannot be saints all through our life, but these norms make us to be living a divine and meaningful times atleast during those days when we follow some religious path towards saturation. Lord Ayyapa is a symbol of beginning and end, being the son of Maha Vishnu and Lord Shiva….and also being a brahmacharya god is said to be following the most difficult of rituals in offering prayers to him. Every step of this prayer have a meaning and a scientific reason if you look deeper into it. Mostly this is in line with what Muslims follow during Ramzan fasting and Christians during Lent days….every religion has certain things that tie up to a one single path of realizing god in any form….a supreme, unseen and unheard form of existence.

 

41 days of diskha is like a tapas. The do’s and don’t’s are set to keep the focus on the God and his ultimate goals of cleansing the human mind, physical body and inner soul. This puja actually creates a vibrations for better living and character recheck of the people. Though most of the process may seem difficult, the path is rough , yet the happiness of doing this makes it easy and attainable. As an ardent child devotee who only remembers her dad in the Ayyapa dress all her life, I thought this season of Sabrimala, is a time to recap some do’s and don’t’s.

 

 

 

The list of things to know during Sabarimala Vratham

 

 

1. Wear black clothes only. You can wear dark blue or orange once you complete few years of diskha and travel to sabarimala. The reason being that Ayappa having offered that his devotees will pay due respects to him and as well as to Sani Bhagawan during the diksha so that he would not trouble them Wearing footwear is also avoided and washing feet before entering house or any place is required.

 

2. Start and end the day by taking bath twice with head shower with cold water. Initially this would be difficult but being clean is next to godliness. Using fragrances is avoided and using home made products is recommended.

 

3. Eating self cooked or clean cooked food in separate utensils have to be practiced. Ladies cooking the food have to be . Food have to be vegetarian and full meal only during lunch. Evening prasadam should be a light meal and fruits.

 

4. Sleeping on the floor is a must and you can use bedsheet or blankets as needed.

 

5. Who can take up this diksha? And Why?

 

• a. Men of all ages can take up this diksha
• b. Women who have not attain puberty and who are elderly and have had their menopause.
• c. This restriction is to follow the tradition that Ayyapa is a brahmacharya (bachelor god) and to maintain the focus and santity of the tradition followed in this temple.

 

6. Following bachelor or brahmacharya life through out this varatham. This would keep the devotees focused on the rituals and on god.

 

7. Tell saranugosha or Ayyapa saranam vili everyday morning and evening. People going together in the Sabarimala piligrimage keep telling this loudly during travel to make things easy, keep energy up and also to keep the fear of animals and darkness away. Saranam minchiya Saramu illiyeee (there is no big weapon than the saranu gosha)

 

8. No indulging in arguments, vulgar talks or watching movies. Keep practicing devotional songs and attend ayyapa bajans as much as possible keep the varatham in tact

 

9. Follow meditation to keep you calm and follow all the rituals with ease

 

10. Conduct Ayyapa puja at home atleast once and give annadhanam to poor during this pooja. Having a guruswamy do this at home is a blessing and making panchamrutham without even smelling the ingrediants before offering to god is important. Annadhanam is a important ritual and if not possible at home, you can distribute food to poor near the temples as well

 

11. Practice deeksha during the full mandalam of 41 days. Lot of people these days due to convenience do this for few days which is not right or maladaranam only during the pilgrimage. This will not give full benefits and it is important that giving time cleaning the mind and body during the puja days is very important.

 

12. First time travelers to sabarimala are called Kanniswamies and they follow that they are driving by the saranu gosha and not with the help of stick as they climb the forest hills to sabarimala. Stop at Erumely and play pettatuli (carnival dance) before proceeding to sabarimala. The first arrow from erumely to be placed in Saramkuthi alayam. There is a story that the year when there is no saramkuti from the first time traveler to sabarimala, that is when Lord Ayyapa will get married…..and the waiting continues but devotees don’t stop coming to Sabarimala

 

13. Do not indulge in any wrong doings, accepting bribes, indulging in violence or talking foul language. Do not drink or smoke.

 

14. Keeping modest way of life is the way to perform this puja. Don’t indulge in showing wealth during bhajans or puja at home. In the eyes of god, everyone is equal

 

15. Have all ingediants required for Irumudi and attend the irumudhi function with poise. As the family puts behind rice in your bag as you start to sabarimala, it means that you are actually leaving behind all your entanglements of life, including relationships and materialistic well being and surrending oneself to god.

 

16. Keeping away from attending death ceremonies, funerals and women during this time is required. In this vratham, one is far above all that is free from any kind of emotional entanglements and it is only to indicate that no one is above destiny and their own karma.

 

17. Visiting any local temple during the puja days once is recommended. In Chennai, every corner of the street have ganesha temples that can be visited.

 

18. Following all puja norms for mala removing after the pilgrimage is also recommended, It is not right to remove the mala once visit is completed before the 41 days is completed. And it has to be done with the help of guruswamy only or in the ayyapa temple when the vratham is completed.

 

 

 

My personal experience with the Lord is that whoever believes in him, he will take care of them….Who ever tries to test this whole thing and do it for name sake and try to not mind any of these is also not forgiven. The meaning is that don’t do something that you cant do with 100% dedication. Even if it means a prayer to god!

 

 

 

Let Lord Ayyapan bless you all for the healthy, wealthy and problem free life. Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa.

 

 

 

Sri Venkateswara Suprabatham Lyrics in English

Sri Venkateswara Suprabhatam Lyrics

Kowsalya supraja Rama poorva sandhya pravarthathe

Uthishta narasardoola karthavyam daivamahnikam

Kowsalya supraja Rama poorva sandhya pravarthathe

Uthishta narasardoola karthavyam daivamahnikam

Uthishtothishta Govinda uthishta garudadhwaja
Uthishta kamalakantha thrilokyam mangalam kuru
Uthishtothishta Govinda uthishta garudadhwaja
Uthishta kamalakantha thrilokyam mangalam kuru

Mathassamasta jagatham madukaitabhare
Vakshoviharini manohara divyamoorthe
Sree swamini srithajana priya danaseele
Sree Venkatesadayithe thava suprabhatham (twice)

Thavasuprabhathamaravindalochane
Bhavathu prasanna mukhachandra mandale
Vidhisankarendra vanithabhirarchithe
Vrishasaila nathadavithe, davanidhe

Athriyadhi saptharushay ssamupasya sandyam
Aakasa sindhu kamalani manoharani
Aadaya padhayuga marchayithum prapanna:
Seshadrisekhara vibho! Thava suprabhatham

Panchananabja bhava shanmukavasavadhya:
Tryvikramadhi charitham vibhudhasthuvanthi
Bhashapathipatathi vasara shuddhi marath
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava subrabhatham

Eeshathprapulla saraseeruha narikela
Phoogadrumadi sumanohara Balikanam
Aavaathi mandamanilassaha divya gandhai:
Seshadri shekara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Unmeelya nethrayugamuththama panjarasthaa:
Paathraa vasishta kadhaleephala payasani Bhukthvaa
saleelamatha keli sukha: patanthi
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Thanthree prakarsha madhuraswanaya
vipanchyaa Gayathyanantha charitham
thava naradopi Bhashasamagrama sakruthkara sara ramyam
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Brungavaleecha makaranda rashanuvidda
Jhankara geetha ninadaissa sevanaya
Niryathyupaantha sarasee kamalodarebhyaha
Seshadri sekhara vibhol thava suprabhatham

Yoshaganena varadhadni vimathyamaane
Ghoshalayeshu dhadhimanthana
theevraghoshaaha Roshaathkalim
vidha-dhathe kakubhascha kumbhaha
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Padmeshamithra sathapathra kathalivargha
Harthum shriyam kuvalayasya nijanga Lakshmya
Bheree ninadamiva bibrathi theevranadam
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Sreemannabheeshta varadhakhila lookabandho
Sree Sreenivasa Jagadekadayaika sindho
Sree devathagruha bhujanthara divyamurthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham (twice)

Sree swamy pushkarinikaplava nirmalangaa
Sreyorthino hara viranchi sanadadhyaha
Dware vasanthi varavethra hathothamangaha:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sree seshasaila garudachala venkatadri
Narayanadri vrishabhadri vrishadri mukhyam
Akhyam thvadeeyavasathe ranisam vadanthi
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sevaaparaashiva suresa krusanudharma
Rakshombhunatha pavamana dhanadhi nathaha:
Bhaddanjali pravilasannija seersha deSaha:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Dhateeshuthevihagaraja mrugadhiraja
Nagadhiraja gajaraja hayadhiraja:
Swaswadhikara mahimadhika marthayanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sooryendhubhouma bhudhavakpathi kavya souri
Swarbhanukethu divishathparishathpradanaa:
Twaddhasa dasa charamavadhidaasa daasa:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Thwathpadadhulibharita spurithothha manga:
Swargapavarga nirapeksha nijantharanga:
Kalpagamakalanaya kulatham labhanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Thvadgopuragra sikharani nireekshmana
Swargapavarga padaveem paramam shrayantha:
Marthyaa manushyabhuvane mathimashrayanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava Suprabhatham

Sree bhoominayaka dayadhi gunammruthabdhe
Devadideva jagadeka saranya moorthe
Sreemannanantha garudadibhirarchithangre
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sree Padmanabha Purushothama Vasudeva
Vaikunta Madhava Janardhana chakrapane
Sree vathsachinha saranagatha parijatha
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Kandarpa darpa hara sundara divya murthe
Kanthaa kuchamburuha kutmialola drishte
Kalyana nirmala gunakara divyakeerthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Meenakruthe kamatakola Nrusimha varnin
Swamin parashvatha thapodana Ramachandra
Seshamsharama yadhunandana kalki roopa
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Elaa lavanga ghanasaara sugandhi theertham
Divyam viyathsarithi hemaghateshu poornam
Drutwadhya vaidika sikhamanaya: prahrushta:
Thishtanthi Venkatapathe! thava suprabhatham

Bhaswanudethi vikachani saroruhani
Sampoorayanthi ninadai: kakubho vihangha:
Sree vaishnavassathatha marthitha mangalasthe
Dhamasrayanthi thava Venkata! Subrabhatham

Bhramadayassuravarasamaharshayastthe
Santhassa nandana mukhastvatha yogivarya:
Dhamanthike thavahi mangala vasthu hasthaa:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Lakshminivasa niravadya gunaika sindo:
Samsarasagara samuththaranaika setho
Vedanta vedya nijavaibhava bhakta bhogya
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham(Twice)

ltnam vnsnacnala pamerlna suprabhatham
Ye manava: prathidinam patithum pravrutha:
Thesham prabhatha samaye smruthirangabhhajam
Pragnyam paraartha sulabham paramam prasoothe(Twice)

Dealing with Uncertainty

In today's world of chaotic chase between options and varied goals, the factors of uncertainty have become quite certain in every one's life.  Be it professional or personal aspects, today we live in a kind of confusion, anxiety, caution, nervousness and expectations.  In fact,  this uncertainty is the New Normal, it is not a negative aspect of life any more.  Uncertainty means multiple Options.   Certainty limits our scope and actions whereas uncertainty gives us a larger room for choosing anything that would make our lives better, challenging and progressive. 

The first principle of dealing with Uncertainty is understanding the fact that uncertainty gives us multiple directions and enriches our thought process.   Instead of avoiding this fairly certain aspect, it is good to deal with it and excel in managing the varied directions that lay in our front.  This is called as turning adversities into opportunities

Unknown unknowns are not easy and often scary as there is no choice of safety and security in the way we want to deal with things in the most peaceful and consistent way.    This uneasiness will actually limit our potential and finding new opportunities and possibilities.   Instead of worrying where our relationships would take us,  where our careers would lead us and what our friends and neighbours think about us, we need to focus on the things in hand.  This would let us make informed decisions considering all the factors within and outside our line of control.

Windy afternoon at Venice Beach watching the tides and boats

We always end up paying a huge cost for the uncertainty when we don't take calculated risks.  Understanding that taking risks is very much a success factor and also noting that the chances of failure only makes our options of success more stronger and worth the effort will make things easy for us.   Taking risks and failing is always better than not taking any.  This would eventually end all possible successes as well if we don't dare to take new steps in life.

This overwhelming situation has become the norm of life, with the vulnerable global economy, job losses,  corruption,  political unrest, emotional entanglements, and the urge to succeed in everything and anything we do.   A parent worries about a 2 year old getting admission in a school today in India, and a grown up child worries about getting a good college, educated graduate worries about a high paid job,   a professional worries about marriage,  a relationship that would sustain in these days of high tech no time life styles,  a married couple worries about having children, bringing them up in right way being both working professionals,  old people are uncertain which child would support them when they need,  employees are worried about promotions, managers are worried about pie-sharing, companies are worried about competitions, countries are worried about economy and war, and world is worried about global warming, depleting natural resources and oil, unexplored mineral wealth, and fight for the borders.   More the quest for being organized, civilized, and perfect, the world is actually heading towards a bigger chaos and Uncertainty.   So calm down, this is just the phenomenon of the present day life.

Personally, every one of us have various goals and ambitions in life.  These ambitions can be towards being something or achieving everything in life.   We always want to be the one which we are not.  An actor tells that he wanted to be a doctor...a teacher tell that's she wanted to be a lawyer.... a house wife dreams about a career,  a working woman dreams about spending more time with children.... Too many goals and the too many lives that we wish to lead.  Ultimately we have to make choices.  Make one decision at a time that will take us in the direction in which we want to go no matter what is the  end result.   A person who don't expect the end result and travels the road less travelled with courage, wisdom and wishful thinking is the person who succeeds more times than the one who keeps a life time goals and struggles to run all sides.   A step by step move actually eliminates the amount of uncertainty in life to a great extent.

The future is always uncertain and unclear and difficult to see through.   That doesn't mean that we don't need to dream, dare to think, decide to aim and struggle to cross the bridges of fate with poise and will.   It means that we need to take every step with courage and eliminate the fear of uncertainty by taking every move with viewing options on all sides, and keeping the ground felt at every level of decision making to avoid a highly nervous uncertainty.   Taking informed decisions with  level of intelligence will make us walk through the foggy unknowns in life and still be content with the end result with the fact that we have done deliberate decision making taking all factors into consideration.

To fail and to raise every time,  taking new routes towards human development and progress,  and not slowing down when we are pulled back hundred times, but to leap ahead with courage and realign our decisions based on the outcomes as we cross each step in the only way to deal with the uncertainty.  History has taught us that the greatest achievers of mankind are the one's that dealt with the uncertainty and nothing else.    Man would not have landed in space any day had he not taken the risk of going far above the skies where he was not sure if he can ever land somewhere!   So uncertainty is actually not a negative aspect of life any longer, it is a pristine way of telling us to  take right decisions and move in the right direction and go by what our intuition, circumstances and hearts tell us!

Happy Dealing with Uncertainty folks!  I am dealing with one now with the same spirit!



Coping with Performance Review Anxiety

This is again the time of the year for Annual Performance reviews that usually act as the career-building exercise in Organizations. This is one of the times of the year, when there is lot of activity on both sides- for managers and employees.

During this time frame, employees try to be pleasing the managers keeping their ‘I’ factor aside so that what is fresh do not stay in the Manager’s mind during the D-Day that they wait all year long. Managers having the burden and anxiety to complete the process, hear to end less emotional outburst and keeping in pace with the facts/ details struggling to do justice to both their employees and other factors including Organizational Performance, account related budgetary constraints, identifying right talents and skills sets, giving due recognition amidst their own anxiety of this process with their managers. This struggle and anxiety is like in the food chain. Being in the top of food chain like said in the “Lion King’ movie gives managers an advantage of having the end word and keeps employees either motivated or otherwise depending on how they handle this whole process. Ultimately this is the time the either strengthen or damage the ‘Manager-Employee’ relationship in the organization and caution have to be adhered to for the benefit of the Organization.

Good preparation is the key for Performance Review discussions and they help the team performance taking it to the next level of growth for the projects and improve the relationship within the team members and those between the employee and the managers as well.

This whole exercise is highly stressful especially for the managers who have multiple reports and every member of the team have to be reviewed separately. Not carefully planned process can result in burnout for managers and displeasing results for employees. One year when I had close to 10+ direct reports to review, I ended up with weeks of planning, paper work, thinking and rethinking and in an ardent quest to strike a right balance. So can imagine the stress for managers having a bigger number.

Advice for Managers

What manages should remember is that though the process is stressful, with each of the employee, the process is critical and sensitive for them and it is one time exercise in a year that we all have to go through. Having multiple reviews to do, and having back to back sessions do not only result in a burn out for the manager, but also would lose the required energy and attention that is required to be given. Careful planning and giving time to think between meetings on the person on focus is very important not to give biased opinions that may ruin the whole process. The awareness that this is a nervous time for the employee who slog all through the year for some betterment in life and in career have to be heard genuinely.

It is very easy to keep a set of perceptions, organizational objectives, corporate strategy and self- advancement career path and go by those perceptions in your discussion. It is required to keep a caution on these factors and focus on the goals that have been set for the employee and review based on those goals and not just towards the events that happened at the end of the year. Any statistical data like the number of tasks completed, managed and efficiently done, appreciation or escalations received by the employee, financial impact of the performance in the organizational/project/program objectives become very key and important yardstick to measure performance.

There can be non-subjective factors like team work, attitude, client relationship etc. which can be considered. Non-objective yardsticks like how close you are to the employee outside office, how many times we had coffee together, family friendships, will the employee listen to whatever I say, and other actual factors that today hinder genuine discussions in the organizations have to be curtailed and purely controlled for the benefit of all. Evaluation employees based on the needs as a manager in the process of sharing the pie share that you have is a very common process in the corporates today. At the same time evaluation based on full year’s performance and based on their strengths, weaknesses and improvement areas will benefit the organizations in the long run.

Discussions often circle around the most recent past and it makes the key factor in decision making which is actually tough to stop but that should be made only one area of discussion and this should be the time to show appreciation on the good things done in the past and also provide guidance on the areas of improvement.

The important last word would be, Performance review is to be based only on employee performance and as one time measurement of what is achieved and what is not. Also important to plan the next year, discussion compensation and growth of the employee without any false promises or fake discussions that would surely motivate employees and would let them appreciate the management for their sensibility, professionalism and sensitivity in dealing with People…..After all, what you are working with are human beings…and not machines! Proudly called ‘Human Potential’!

Advice for Employees

The very important thing for the employees is to focus on the purpose of the review that includes goals review and performance objectives. Having details is important but getting too much into it would be a draining situation for both you and your manager, especially when you don’t arrive in consensus and end up in arguments. Having facts and entering into a healthy discussion is important for it is only between YOU and YOUR Manager. There should be no third party in this relationship. It is all about how you performed, where you failed and where you need to contribute and what you need to do to grow in the organization. It is like talking to a priest for god’s blessings???? Is it not??? Ending up in courter and useless arguments and debating with manager really will lead nowhere.

It is important to do your homework and be prepared to back up your proposal for your growth and good performance rating. Instead of giving a general note, it is important to have track of the specific details. And above all having clarity in your career goals is important and having achieved them gives you confidence to this whole process. To understand what was expected, what was performed and what is not achieved gives you a clear conscience of what you could be rated as. Anything away from your own assessment, is a probable result of other factors not within your line of control, probably within or without your Manager’s line of control of things as well. This means, fretting about the results that happened for what you are not responsible is being foolish. You would have given 100% but the project could have failed for so many other reasons.

Self-confidence, integrity and honest approach, on either side give a true meaning to this whole process. Any deliberate flaws will only result in employee attrition and dissatisfied managers resulting in draining away Organization’s best talents and causing unwanted financial impact and growth. So coping up with this anxious period with due caution is very important for the benefit of all concerned.

The Rain of Wisdom

Sitting in the office window, amidst the pile of work

I stare outside for a second, and see the storming rainfall

Thoughts flowed like a streaming brook, with eyes wide open

Into the cataclysmic of the nature all around

The mountains in the far looked like the shining canyons

Whispering to the weighed mules that carry people around

I know I need to take this few minutes to scribble down

Or else these thoughts are going to be prolonged

Looking for the sun on a windy rainy day from ground

Is like always wanting things that you don’t have around

The showers that flow on the glass window pane

Remind me that how much ever the tears of pain

They would just disappear along the wind and disdain

Calmness engulfed all around, there cannot be inner calmness

To the tensed thoughts’ of a heart that knows not to rejoice

It is the lack of faith that creates limitations

And it is the lack of thoughts’ that creates the boundaries

Once you are free from the limits and learn to go by nature

Life can be nothing but all yours and truly better

The rain is still pouring down the mountains,

And whispering into the leaves that sway in happiness

The roads are all wet and walkers are careful to step around

The cars are buzzing off the freeway in the far round

And see…now the rains of wisdom, started to fade from my thoughts

And it’s just done in 2 minutes of my time, and time to go back

To my pile of work that’s actually not using my wisdom of rain!

Eternity visits Los Angeles….Rendezvous with Dr. BalaMuraliKrishna..Living legend of Carnatic Music…

There can be no words to describe the enthralling performance of a great legend of our times….I have been watching him from the first Mile Sur Mera Thumara days in 80’s and watching him live is nothing but a great blessing.

 
A multifaceted personality, a gifted soul, a rendition that is equivalent to the supreme souls of Indian Classical Music and he joins the connoisseurs of Carnatic world including Annamaya, Thyagabhrama, and so many other legends. The simplicity of the man in his smile, the beautiful artistic interaction with his fans…and the competitions he brings in with his accompanists is a visual treat, a divine grace and above all a soul stirring dive into the music of Carnatic songs….the bhavas, the ragas and the samskruthi….. there can be no par!....I am so glad I was able to show this great legend to my child, a budding artist and she would realize what an opportunity it was to see him singing sitting in the first few rows… an awakening experience


His first opening song of ‘Endaro Mahanubhavulu….’ ,. I felt amongst all, he was the biggest Mahan!. ‘Samajavaragamana…’ made the crowd sway in an eternal ecstacy..and ‘Akilandeswari’ evoked goddess Durga just before the duga puja celebrations week to begin..and people were waiting for him to continue…when he smiled and said ‘over’….’Muruga…. ‘was an wonderful performance having B.U.Ganesh Prasad on Violin and Tanjavur K Murugaboopathy on Mridangam…what a great percussionists he had..young talents and wonderful. Saraswathi who gave the introduction of his songs and anecdotes was not only perfect…but very gifted. His song in Hindi calling Bala Gopala…was taking us all into the world of Bridhavanam…just can feel lord krishna dancing in the corners of the fully packed high school auditorium in Norwalk, Los Angeles, CA here in USA.

The one mystical minute was when he explained his love of travelling in train between ‘Bejawada’ to ‘Madras’ now called Vijayawada and Chennai…. And the way he recited all the stations in a musical way…as a child who took this route for several years, I could be nothing but overwhelmed..shouting my town, my city, my route,…my maestro! He ended the recitation like a child who finished his first poem recitation and smiled in fact giggled with blushes….it was such a treat to watch him like a little child feeling pride and happy after every song…such a humility and happiness in an artist of his caliber is a rare phenomenon. His ‘Tilana’ was the last song in the concert and it made us feel like wanting to dance…and I could see all people around tapping their feet in a happiness….the real happiness and success of an artist is when he can get his audience spell bound and rejoice in the presence forgetting everything else around and stay glued to the seat and eyes on him all the moments.

At the age of 81 his ardent dedication and physical strength, is only possible when the soul is truly submerged in the endeavor he is doing…and it is his inner enormous love for music that is giving him that ability to manage the pressure of concerts and sitting down for 3 hours continuously ….In all ways…for us who are blessed to be alive during his times, who are privileged to get to see him and enjoy his life….it gives a greater meaning of what we called is eternity of Indian Music….a lasting memory of happiness for rest of our lives. Long live Sir,…and hope you would bless many more children around you to see this mystical performances….To me, you are an eternal bliss

And for those who were were wondering, what are the stations he mentioned between Vijaywada and Chennai , here is the list:

Vijayawada Junction

Krishna Canal Junction

Kolanukonda

Peddavadiapudi

Chiluvur

Duggirala

Kolakalur

Tenali Junction

Tsunduru

Modukuru

Nidubrolu

Machavaram

Appikatla

Bapatla

Stuartpuram

Ipurupalem

Ipurupalem Halt

Chirala

Jandrapeta

Vetapalemu

Kotta Pandilla Palli

Kadavakuduru

Chinna Ganjam

Uppugunduru

Raparla Halt

Ammanabrolu

Karavadi

Ongole

Surareddipalem

Tanguturu

Singarayakonda

Ulavapadu

Tettu

Kavali

Sri Venkateswarpalem

Bitragunta

Alluru Road

Talamanchi

Kodavaluru

Padugupadu

Nellore

Nellore South

Vedayapalem

Venkatachalam

Manubolu

Gudur Junction

Odur

Pedapariya

Nayadupeta

Doravari Chatram

Polireddipalem

Sullurupeta

Akkampet

Tada

Arambakkam

Elavur

Gummidipundi

Kavaraippettai

Ponneri

Anuppambattu

Minjur

Nandiyampakkam

Attippattu

Ennore

Kathivakkam

Wimco Nagar

Tiruvottiyur

V.0.C. Nagar

Tondiarpettai

Korukkupettai Junction

Basin Bridge Junction

Chennai Central•

It took me around 7 hours always to travel this distance but surely would take more than that to get these names byheart .....and doubt it if I can ever can :-) 

A Wave of Friendship

They came into our lives so simply, just like any other friends
like a big wave of real and close friendship,  possibly with no ends
Just like the flocking birds on the tree, whispering sweet nothings
they came in our lives like the bleaming winds and friendship waves...

Like all friends did and do, we spent time giggling for everything
Eating together, sleeping under the same roof, and cheering Indian Cricket....
Movies, Games and Fun, and times sat on the terrace to cry together tooo....
Sometimes just sitting together and doing just nothing....

The day came when we made others feel jealous of us by all means
and so did some wicked minds that slowly came closer in between
Ofcourse, thats what made us think what we mean really to each other
as we overcame all obstacles to an real good friendship....

As I said, flocking birds...as they found a new tree away from our shore
and it was time for them to fly, and make us search for them tommorrow
We realize how much they were part of us unknowingly everyday
And just with all thoughts, and sinciere prayers that they would just do ok

Where ever they go, what ever they would endeavor
who ever their new friends are going to be
We would cherish every day and every moment spent
for friendship is far beyond the test of time or distance

Gonna Miss you Vasudha and Ram...But for sure you would live in our hearts ever!  Thank you for the wonderful time we spent together.....will wait for such a time again.

Nightmares of an unpredictable onsite career - Not a myth of being part of an onshore-offshore project

What happens when you are tempted next time to take up a lucrative onsite assignment in a most happening city in the world?   Think again before you do on things that matter to you and your family first.     Corporates and Managers need not be considerate to your priorities and less will they be worried about what is killing you on all sides if you make wrong decisions. 

You can call this my experience or my anguish and pain...what so ever.....when there are so many external areas of control, for heavens sake I should have thought about the things that are well within my internal areas of control.   I am perplexed when people treat people like just any other resource in the organization, a broken table, crashed laptop, virus infected software or a unvending coffee machine....

Trust me you are just replaceable...no matter how much you made the work your life, how much you tried to be loyal to the company you work for, how much you are commited to your client's and project commitments.  We are living in an emotion-free corporate world, where people are no more the most important reason for growth in the companies.   

Next time, when you pack your bags for an onsite career,try to do some internal introspection?  Dont fall for the pursuing words of a manager who is desperate to fill up the Project Org Chart with people...dont think that you are chosen because of your talent and skill set, but because he/she  has a desperate project need to fill you in......dont think that she/he is doing you a favour by chosing for the best of the moves, it is only because a client needs your profile and for that moment you are the best fit and makes this for your fascination. 

When the urgency is gone, when the project is going smooth, and when there is no escalation because of your good work,  trust me, you are no more important to the project and easy replaceable!    You are just given a great incentive and a big piece of the cake which lots of other people are only dreaming off!!!!  

YOU are not the you who was so important at the beginning!    When your goals are achieved, you have done your job,,,,you just did what is expected!  When your goals and project deadlines are missed  and you show sudden surge of improvement,  and turn project from RED to Green then you are the best, you are the great member, you are an acheiver.   Thats why people who consistently perform struggle to grow in the organizations...People who sometimes fix things become god sent!

Today Corporate IT industry is always struggling to get the right people, good people who understand client expectations is short just because of this indifferent attitude of people who manage these organizations.  Their perception and training that no one is important is what is draining organizations of good innovation and loyal employees..... Every time, projects suffer from iterations, lack of good talent and consistent performance and inbuilt employee motivation because Managers speak the parrokeeted words that they are trained to speak to..... I also underwent this training from NIS on how to handle people during performance appriasal discussion and can imagine how strong we are supposed to be not getting succumbed to employees emotional outburst...But please people, think again, you are also reporting to some one else and will hear the same Music!  

After frequent travels on project needs, I decided to focus on my highschooler and asked for an offshore project and just because I had valid visa,  I was pushed to 'Bench'  waiting for that the dream change....When the dream change came,  I was given just a month to sell of my car, bike, my husbands job to quit, tc from school for my kid, put my mom under lonliness, vacate the house, sell of the electronics that would not sustain 2 years of storage and spent so much on the packing...moving to the most costliest city with family was another challenge....trust me, to give the same life to the family on what you had in hometown with the earnings that come, is a challenge but still you showcase a brave front and pretent to be happy!  

Finally the day comes when your visa is at someone's mercy or the project is at stake, or just that your manager is not happy with you because you also talk like him or her  and you end up again in a situaton of relocation with an emotion-free corporate giving a slightest consideration to what would happen to you!   Managers think that we had the INCENTIVE of being onsite...but ask any NRI who lives with the second hand goods, manages to look happy always looking for deals, and alway under the uncertainity of 'What Next?' 

The INCENTIVE is paid by the uncertainity of

 'Which school would take a highschooler in the mid of the year in India?????? Years away from home with No Hindi or Tamil,  World history replacing the Social Studies,... Physics in detail replacing Science ....American English replacing the British Indian English,,......Algebra replacing General Maths...I jus dont know if an admission is by any means possible!  Did I put my child's education and future at jeapardy!   Expecting my company to understand my predicment is way too much.It was my mistake!!!!!

'Will my husband get back a job?  A decent one that he was doing before??'''  May take time though not a big deal

The rest are minor and self-made issues that I know I can manage.....but still the nerve of uncertainty is so killing!

Friends,   Onsite careers are real lessons both on the technical, project perspective and also from a personal front.    You make decisions that are important for you in life and not by your companies..... ultimately you may not be with the same company, or with the same project, for long, but surely the families are gonna be with you for life.

Dont damage the life of your dear one 's in the name of your profession, for career is only a part of your life for your living.   Unless you are able to strike this balance, be 100% sure that the changes you take in life do not impact the consistency and happiness of your people, trust me, dont take chances.  I have seen so many co-onsite workers  who pretend happiness back to families in India,  but look for deals of 5 or 10 $ savings.,  who makes families spend time with the TV and cable, and who struggle with second hand cars that are not happy to ride!  Every thing of you gets compramized because of the 'Onsite Incentive'  and the day the realization happens, you will sit and fret like me on a Saturday morning!  Happy Onsiting!

The uncertainty of life is the New Normal and this is the exact reason why lot of Indians are travelling back to India in search of more peaceful, consistent life closer to family and friends.   I am gonna be one very soon!

Disclaimer:  This has got nothing to do with my company, my project or my manager..  This is the frustration of a mother with a teenage daugther worried about the 'What next?' factor in life at this point!

Paru and I

This story is about me. I have been sitting in my posh upscale office in New York City and watching the mad rush of the Manhattan downtown. Rejoicing the beauty of the new décor I got for my office, I looked satisfied in the mirror on my desk. I smiled at my face beaming with pride of leading a Multi-National Bank as a Vice President. Having travelled all over the world, I developed a fancy for anything that is of a ‘brand’.
Suddenly I remembered Paru, my old friend back in India. Paru and I started life together and we were very hardworking young girls always aspiring for new things and new horizons. I think having the right opportunities at the right time made the difference and I soon started to climb the corporate ladder.

Unknowingly amidst the entire quest, the touch of luck started to embrace me towards success that is now a reflection in my life. But unfortunately for Paru, things did not materialize as she dreamt. She took up a small time accountant job in a firm and got married and raised a family.

I looked at the clock, that’s imported from Germany. It is 5 pm in New York, and it must be 8 am in India. Paru would have completed her cooking, packed her lunch box, and would get her kids ready to school, finished her cleaning and washing and would be getting ready in her salwar kameez, un-ironed most of the time, and running to catch the crowded bus at 8.30.

My new sedan smiled at me telling that I have none of those hassles. Paru may be standing all the way to office going by bus, tolerating the preying men’s hands on her shoulders and hips., sometimes someone stamping on her feet and making her feel like falling down in the jam packed bus.

I grabbed my new iPhone and dialed her number. She responded with the first ring and I could hear her smile….and in her usual poetic way started to talk to me.,

’Rejoice this morning going old, as the setting sun on the other world,

Loved to grace my morning fine., how I wish to tell this friendship being mine…..’ .

I could hear the bus conductor whistling away for the next stop. I am right Paru is on her way to office, a typical 9-6 job which pays her Rs.4000, probably my 100$ bill … yet the irony that she sounded happy.

We spoke for few minutes and she told me that she picked up a part time job of taking tuitions to a disabled child of a Merchant Navy Sailor at their home for Rs. 600 and how much that is helping her to fulfill her children’s extra expenses of making them learn swimming. She was so excited that the child’s mother serves her hot chai every evening and she is so refreshed with it when going back home at 8 pm and start cooking dinner for her family.

She was still singing Jibanananda Das’s verses

I have journeyed, alone, in the enduring night,

And down the dark corridor of time I have walked

I was perplexed. Here is a woman who runs from pillar to post to make her living. All she has are bare minimum necessities to survive in a polluted and corrupted city where she has to bribe everyone for everything. But I could find a great sense of happiness, contentment and joy in her of what she is doing. Paru surely sounded happy and her words echoed in my ears for long

"As the footfall of dew comes evening;

The raven wipes the smell of warm sun

From its wings; the world's noises die."

Banalatha Sen…..I thought. Her enthusiasm in poetry has not slipped a bit and her spontaneity of words and using them with wisdom rightfully made me smile again. Paru has been using poetry as her solace ever since I knew her. Her every emotion is packed with the words that have poetic brilliance. I decided to forget her, for Paru reminds me of ordinary Indian woman whose struggles never end. Abused by the entire system that have no outlet and in a conservative and religiously tight communities, the society haven’t changed over decades after Independence.

Paru lives in a sense of emotional freedom in mind, which as a Liberal Free Modern Woman, I am not able to appreciate or least accept. I know I thought of writing my story and thinking too much about Paru. I am going to erase her now.

After couple of weeks, I decided to go to Las Vegas to enjoy a good vacation. The Arizona and Nevada borders always fascinated me with the deserts and night winds and dunes amidst which I love to drive. The Colorado river with its beauty flowing amidst the Grand Canyons always made my camera busy. Vegas also hit by the recent recessions and there aren’t the usual crowds in the Casinos.

I sat in the Cesar Palace and looked at the girls dancing on the poles. They looked like the Russian Circus girls who used to jump from one corner to the other in the Raj Kamal Circus that I watched decades ago in my home town. Yes, I went to circus every year with my family and friends, which included Paru, my best friend.

Is life not a circus for Paru even today? Is she really happy with her life? I can hear her boss yelling at her for not keeping the files ready for Audit. She knows he would anyway pay Rs.500 to the auditor for a good report. Her son is pulling her to play with him. She just switched on the Sun TV for her usual mega serial. Amidst all this, she is humming the words of Tagore from Geetanjali on the phone when I dialed her

“Time is endless in thy hands, my lord.
There is none to count thy minutes.
Days and nights pass and ages bloom and fade like flowers.
Thou knowest how to wait.”

She was telling me about the years that we missed to meet. And she is happy to wait for few more years to give me her big hug. She loved being called aunty by her children’s friends and tells that she is now not asking her husband to color his hair. I guess he is looking wise and matured and handsome with the nature’s salt and pepper strokes.

My divorce after 7 years of marriage, an extra marital affair with a colleague and now settling down with a boyfriend who is equally successful, I had the fun and spice in life that I needed. Probably, what is the need to tolerate a relationship that is meaningless? Should we not move on? For people like Paru, divorce is a sin. Going by your heart and doing what you want is out of place. Abiding by the society and its set protocols is the way to live. I now know that I started to hate her more than ever.

Again, did I not tell you that this my story? This Paru seems to be disturbing me from continuing my story in its truthfulness.

Back to New York, I started to concentrate on my work. After finishing a rather busy day, I was walking toward the car park, when I noticed Paru sitting in my lobby. I was excited to see her. I went and hugged her. She looked old than our age. Wrapped in a traditional Indian saree, she looked like an old aunty with greying hair, and wrinkles down her eyes. She looked tired.

I took her to my office and offered her tea and snacks and caught up a lot on where we left after our last phone call. She was telling me about Anna Hazare and how he is fighting to end corruption and how people in the name of Scam are ruining the progress of my motherland. I smiled. I have been following the world news closely and am aware of all that she is telling at the touch of a browser in my iPad. I didn’t have to wait for the 7.30 Sun News.

After that day, Paru came to office many times. I purposefully avoided her and walked away from the other door whenever I saw her waiting for me in the lobby. What does she need? Money, donation, job or a house? I didn’t know and never felt like stopping by and caring to ask.

But in all this process, I noticed that she is a happy woman. She is still the happiest person I could see in my entire office. Her eyes were tired but they still had sparkle. Her face looked aged but same time very wise. There is some kind of mixed goodness in her, warmth, a truthful care and a genuine friendship. How the hell can she have all the happiness in this world amidst struggles of an ordinary woman? I found her having her interests in tact for arts, poetry, friendship, travel, learning and nothing changed in her over the years. Rabindranath’s translation of his own Bengali poem, as the song offering says

"Thy infinite gifts come to me only on these very small hands of mine.

Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still there is room to fill."

Yes, Paru is still fresh in her mind and thoughts. Her physical appearance has changed. Her circumstances remained close the same from where it all started from. I found myself envious of her suddenly despite all the things I achieved in life. Do I hate myself and not Paru anymore? That thought it-self is so disturbing.

I desperately needed a break and I booked my next flight to Hawaii…..the beautiful islands filled with live volcanoes, colorful sands and vibrant beaches. President Obama was born and loved vacations in this beautiful state. I started to run to the waters and play like a child….sat on beach and pulled the sands all over me and looked at the sky.

I could hear laughter of children and turned around to see. I saw a boat….What am I seeing….The coconut trees are swaying on the banks of Kerala backwaters and a family is rejoicing their holiday on a wooden boat house. Children are still jumping and playing around when their mother Paru was running behind them with the dinner plate trying to feed them. I got bewildered. STOP IT! I cried at them. I took my shoes and ran inside the hotel.

I could not hold this anymore. I need to end this now or never. I saw my agitated self in the mirror and didn’t like what I am seeing. Wrinkles, red eyes, fake smiles. I hate it. I took the flower vase and hardly hit at the mirror breaking it at one stroke. The pieces fell off to the ground relaxing my nerves. I looked at MY reflection in the multiple broken glass pieces on the ground. Paru smiled at me, her way, naturally……and I started to cry to my heart’s content. I know this is my story.

"Into the cyclone rainfall of tears, I now know I am far away from fears….fears of myself and my reflections!”

Author’s Note:

“Paru Tales” is a collection of short stories I started to write few months back and the protagonist Paru goes through various phases and experiences that relate to most of the women around. This story of “Paru and I” is an extract from that collection titled ‘The Naked Parade’. Why I named Paru Tales as ‘Naked Parade’ is for the genuine reason that it is reflection of tales of truth, thought provoking and closer to me as a writer!

- This story is dedicated to all people, who would willfully lead their lives as per their dreams and follow their hearts, naturally. This story is a reflection of millions of people who have to hide their natural selves and live life the way the circumstances demand and get got in the materialistic quest and forget what is truthfully closer to their hearts. For many of us, it takes many long years, to fearfully look back and think what we wanted and what we were made out of the life. Paru is just a sample of that reality, naturally

An Educated Fool! Am I?

As one neighbour impishly hit my sensitivity

Calling me an educated fool, I gave myself a silent inner pause!

Am I? That gave me a good amount of time

To introspect my inner self, my thought process!

What makes you educated is the not the number of degrees

But the amount of knowledge you learn from life’s lessons!

What makes you wise and thoughtful is not years you lived!

But the number of people whose lives you have touched!

May be the person who said so, the most wisdomful soul!

I revere the happy unthoughtful comment in the night!

But graciously let me let him know that I am not a Fool!

Yes, I would have been a fool having letting others say so!

As gracefully I know to handle people of all types in life

Having had the luck to deal with people of vivid attitudes

The best way is to keep yourself away from insensitivity

What you don’t deserve, let it not touch your heart

The things that others throw at you, thoughtlessly

If you don’t pick it to your hearts and leave them there

Trust me, god gives them back where they need

And lets your live in the way you are made and in peace!

Domestic Violence- Are we thoughtful to other people's problems?

A young lady in her early 20s (let’s call her Paru) is at a family gathering to celebrate the wedding reception of her brother in law, and welcoming the new bride. The family consists of Mom, Dad, three sons and 2 elder daughter-in laws, one daughter, one daughter-in-law who is the new bride.

 Our Paru goes about the day helping with the festivities, but she is quiet and has little enthusiasm. As the day moves on, there is a sudden explosion that disrupts all festivities. The explosion is of an emotional source and comes from Paru.

Paru begins to shout, “What is wrong with all of you? How can you all act happy?! This bride is in potential danger!”

She starts crying and flees from the room. Now, please reflect: What are your thoughts about what happened? Has she ruined the whole atmosphere? Is she unstable and does she lack control? Is she perhaps even crazy?

If any of these conclusions come to mind, this young adult has been labeled what psychology calls, “The Identified Patient.” She would be the one encouraged to get therapy.

What is the immediate truth here? Before the outburst, her mother in law had abused her physically and emotionally as young bride for few years now. What is the historical truth? Her family had been indifferent and mother in law treated her as a servant and her husband was made aware of it — everyone but her parents and family.

So the reality is this: She is part of a family system that operates in denial, and it is that system that is dysfunctional. So let’s shed some truth on this scenario.

This young woman is actually the only one in her family who has insight, is emotionally healthy and takes action. Her husband had been uncomfortable when she told him of the agony she goes through.. Once he accepted it, he talked to the mother in law once, and then wanted it to never be spoken of again.

Father in law went into emotional denial. He accepted it had happened, but could not accept how deeply the abuse affected his daughter in law. Dad figured he paid for therapy; why couldn’t she just get over it and forgive?

Her mother in law, thought the lasting repercussions were her “Paru’s issue” and she went along with life. Mom felt “uncomfortable” when her daughter wanted to spend time with her away from her in-laws place. When abuse was brought up in another context, the father in law asked his daughter in law if she would divorce her husband because of this domestic violence
When she responded, “yes,” he said, “Whatever, Paru” — as if Paru had the problem.

What is this family system exhibiting? Denial and concealment. What are they conveying? That the daughter in law is the one with problems.

Essentially, she’s the family scapegoat. Her anger festered, justice, righteousness and truth screamed out to be heard, and she was met with, “Paru’s crazy.” And her younger brother in law called her as a ‘Fish Market!’

Actually, Paru is the most sane member of the family in this story. This is a family system that had thrived on everyone agreeing and denying. This is called pseudo mutuality and is a very dysfunctional family dynamic. Truth and healing are rarely revealed in this type of system.

This is Paru’s narrative. We all have one. Often, the source of a painful narrative is family of origin, abuse, being misunderstood and the like. Our experiences create who we are. When no one gives us a voice, and others do not take the time to understand our experience, then people who are innocent can be misunderstood.

Often victims look like the identified patient, the one with the problem, when in fact it is the system that is dysfunctional. Often domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, shaming and emotional abuses are denied. They can either lead to someone shutting down emotionally or one becoming a voice for justice.

Integrating facts and truth into how we view people demonstrates morality. It should be practiced as members of a community, family and even in friendships. We often speak cavalier statements, such as a person is dysfunctional, crazy or unstable. But we must take the investigation of truth into consideration.

Victimized individuals are deeply affected by life and often much more intuitive and emotionally intelligent than others. They are less likely to put up with injustice. They often make a stand and speak out against immorality, and this just makes others uncomfortable.

But the reality is, the woman in the above story is absolutely right. She uncovered hidden sin. Once it was revealed, it was pushed under the carpet. She then confronted the denial.

Why did she do this? To save others from being victimized. Her experience gave her insight, righteous indignation and the courage to point out and fight against injustice and abuse.

Let’s support those who speak out against abuse and get over our discomfort. We then become healthy systems for people to thrive in.


Thanks to Kimberlee Z,whose article inspired me to write this story

 

Invaders looted the wealth of my nation in the Past and Neta’s are looting much more in Present! What is the future of my country?

Shri Padmanabaswamy temple treasure is only an indication of the prosperous India in the glorious Pre-British days where kings and queens ruled my motherland. This treasure shows the intricate nature of the wealth that my Mother India possessed and the benevolence of the rules and amazing talents of beauty in the art hundreds of years ago. Those were no digital days and all the glorious gold and jewelry recovered only show the artist India with its real skill man ship and excellent talent of hand work that is slowly fading away.

These are the hands of millions of Indians, who need empowerment, it is the time Leaders of our Nation realize that this hands should be filled with the prosperity of tommorrow as early as possible!

For several centuries, Mother India was mercilessly invaded again and again by people who came in the name of trade, and begging for help. For 7 -8 centuries, Indian sub-continent faced continuous war in search of enmassing wealth and mineral resources that the countries geographically landscape had in its belt. We were not only wealthy in Natural Resources, Mineral wealth and man-made prosperity and our puranas and age old stories talk about the wonderful rulers who made people cherish with wealth and happiness.


Gupta Empire, Challukyas, Cholla’s , Pallava’s and Pandhya’s ruled the Nation as the golden age of India before the invasion of Muslim Rulers, and Slow and steady invasion of British into our otherwise peaceful nation. Mughal rules introduced art and architecture to India and at the same time brought in a religious divide amongst the otherwise Hindu dominated country. India being annexed by the most cleaver invasion by East India Company in the mid-18th Century ended the golden period of wealth and self-sufficiency. This was the end of the golden era for India.


As children, we read in our history text books, how Md Ghazni invaded India 17 times and still he could not take away much of its wealth. Every temple and kingdom was filled with the glory of the past and wealth of the Nation that was natural to its existence. Temples were destroyed and palaces were looted in this search and robbery by the so called wealthy developed nations. Thanks to the one sensible king who kept his entire wealth in the secret vaults of the Kerala temple and today we have this as a strong reflection of what it was in the past. Thanks to the Travancore royal family who preserved it so far and been loyal to both the king and the temple god. Otherwise we would have only read about it in history books, seen this in movies and not believed in the truth that my nation was the wealthiest at times.

Even today, if we as a public civil force, form a team and penetrate into the private homes and villas, bank accounts and binami’s of every politician, every member of the parliament in the past and the present, I am sure we will find an equal amount of wealth that would save us from being called a ‘Developing Nation’. If past had been a curse to us as part of the history, the current day scenario is much worse. For what these people are leaving behind to the future generation is a growing cost of living, increased poverty, struggle for survival, the stress of world class competition and an entire ruined and corrupted system.

Indian judiciary can let go a famous actress after she joined her fiancée and cuts her boyfriend’s dead body to multiple pieces and destroy the evidence because of the money she is able to pay into the system , where is the Law of the land? Political and media drama is taking people of India to the heights of tolerance. Every functionary in the country is haunted by a wave of corruption. To get a birth certificate or even worse a death certification, you have to bribe somebody. From the peon to the Prime Minister, everyone is part of this loot. The so called excellent economist and the most reversed Prime Minister of India stands as a silent spectator to the world’s biggest scam dramas as they unfold and still calls the press and says that he is doing what need to be done. Had he been doing what he was supposed to do, India today would have been a developed Nation,. With him occupying the highest chair of democratic government for 2 full terms. Wake Up Dr. Singh, we still believe in you!

And now the most happiest family in India, who can produce films after films spending crores after crores….a young 20 year old K- Klan kid will produce a movie worth 100 crores… with whose money? 87 year old King K of the family called their patriarch happily dons his 2 recognized wives on either side at events. A neighbor having 2 wives is pulled on streets by the same TN police for cheating his first wife? A 20 year old hardworking student who struggled all his childhood to make it to Anna University ends up in some remote college, where as all the kids of K-Klan get to go to the same university…. On what talent basis?

It takes several years for hardworking professional to build a two bedroom apartment, and a NRI struggles between the priorities and expectations of his life and people back home and finally manages to make few lakhs after years of struggle away from home. But these entire clan makes crores after crores that they don’t even know where the money is all spreaded secretly? The easy way to be rich, marry a younger K kid and you will be happily settled, first in life and then in Tihar jail. Mr. Singh and Madam are silent for they very well know that if they try to help the dust off the K family now, they would be equally dusted off by public.

Thanks to CBI finally something is happening. No politician is clean in the country, but enmassing the whole of nation’s wealth in the name of growth and welfare projects is unpardonable? What they did in the Telecom scam is not the 1,70,000 crores loot, but they stopped the possibility of this amount getting into the Indian Treasury as Telecom Dept. profits. How can you be ever developed in these kind of scenarios? We are today the world’s best scammed Nation! Unfortunately! Disgustingly our children are scared to live and lead their lives peacefully in India any longer. It takes our lives off to get one BSNL connection in Chennai, making us run from pillar to post…and our most educated Maran was able to have an entire telephone exchange grounded for his and his family’s personal gain. If we start running special dedicated railway trains and tracks for railway minister, special dedicated unpaid airports for aviation minister, universities for education ministers, when will be a developed Nation?

The life of the ordinary man is not changed for any good after Independence. Today we are still struggling to make both ends meet for millions of people…we are still having the bigger nightmares of illiteracy, unemployment, declining agriculture, increased cost of living, increased and commercialization of temples and education system, horrible transportation system, fraudulent banking systems, unreached health facilities to all of India, terrorism striking from neighbors, dowry deaths, honor killings, fraudulent colleges and professionals, fake pilots, raping policemen, fake medicine manufacturers, female feticides, farmers suicides, water disputes, terror strikes, moists and naxals revolts, language and religious fantasies, child labor, increasing AIDS, etc ,etc and cricketers becoming gods and warriors and our army men most ignored.

If all of the money that politicians have looted in the last 6 decades be brought to books and we rewrite the legal books that are dusted off and written 60 years ago for obedient people of pre-independence era., I am sure we will be a better country. A rape accused gets away paying a fine of Rs 10000, a murderer in the Grover case I mentioned, walks away after 7 years paying Rs 50000, and a dowry death, husband walks away after no proof produced and we let our terrorist whom we have videos recorded as shooting our civilians is provided a high level security and life?., where is the law and justice we are expecting in our country.

The words ‘Asathoma Sadgamaya…….meaning untruth leading to truth’ will never see a dawn in my country unfortunately if this continues. This is the cry of an inner heart of a citizen of India. It is my inner voice that makes me restless, angry and agitated to see the injustices happening and ripping my mother India apart. Please do not let her to bleed! PLEASE HELP MY NATION STOP TO BLEED!

Letter to My Little Girl...

My dear Chinku,

This is how I called you from the time you were a toddler holding my fingers and learning to walk.  I know you no longer allow me to call you so in front of others, for now you are a grown up independent little teen.  Yet, to me calling you makes me rejoice the motherhood I enjoy in life because of you.   Today I woke up with this letter in mind, a train of thoughts with a struggle between the Past that I need to keep you informed and the dream of future that I need to share with you.  

You may ask, amma, why here?  I know Manasi would hate this post as she never wanted my life to be a open book, and she is the one stopped me to share my story to anyone.   But today, I realize that this story of mine, including you is a  story of millions of middle class mothers, troubled wives, desperate parents, and challenged professions and of course of all those wonderful women who outgrow the human struggles. 

This story of (y)our past is filled with the story and memories of your childhood.  Today, I am called the most liberal parent, responsible adult and a very controlling mom.  There is a great contradiction between being called liberal and controlling.   But I keep telling you that Liberty is the biggest Responsibility.  But why do I teach you this always.   You will understand as you read further.

Aishu,  I am very happy that you hardly remember anything of the first 7 years of your life.  I am glad to make you know the past., for history is the biggest teacher to you.  To us this journey so far is the most precious one to rejoice and look forward to the future.  Here I have a daughter is multi-talented, multi-cultured, multi-language speaker, and a girl making best of both worlds, both the roots and values of India, and the best and innovative west.   I am also glad that you are making a right blend of both and I am so confident that you would not let me down any day.   Mistakes do happen and we learn from it.  But as long as you don't repeat them, I am the happiest mom you could see.

This story is all about a most mis-matching marriage of your parents,  diversified with the states we were born, the languages we learnt, the aspirations we built, the difference we  had and will have for life.  Yet, not longing for a perfection in life, we have learned to respect the limitations of each other in life and hence you see today is a most understanding parents you can have.   We have not tried to correct each other's flaws, instead we learned to realign and make a common way to survival.  Today you are a student in West and many of your classmates are unfortunate to come from broken families.  It is not the fault of any parent, it is only a lesson in life they missed, that compromising is not giving up.  It is actually making it the most of any situation.  This world would be a free place without war and fear, struggle and terrorism only when we learn this basic lesson from our households.  I am sure you will agree to what i said here.

It was in the first week of my marriage that I decided that I need you in life.  This thought came to me when I sat for 4 hours in the clinic of Dr.Rudhran, waiting to meet and counsel and give the confidence to my man who is just a week old as a husband that life is all going to be normal.  I was just out of college, hardly 20 years old, and I know I have two options.  One to run away from there and then.  Other was to face it all.   The second decision undoubtedly was very easy to make, but the toughest to execute, for it is a relationship for life time.   All I asked Dr. R that day was whether my husband's illness is genetic.  Dr R looked straight into my eyes and said NO.  That day I know I am having you, for I don't want you to suffer what ever fear he was being going through.   270/90 was the toughest part of our life to deal with  another friend we have not seen, heard or can manage., but we slowly learned to cope with this unknown invisible stranger and put him or her to rest peacefully.    Today we are just 3 and happy to have it that way.

This stranger whom we laid to rest was not letting your dad have a peaceful job and perfect married life.  I had to first figure out a way to manage him than your dad.  I learned that fighting the thought within me is meaningless, and I need to accept the reality.   The acceptance of the situation is the biggest challenge for a young woman and once you realize the problem and know its rootcause, you can very easily aim your mind at solutions.   Am I not doing this at work today?  This was taught to me again in PMP, but this was a lesson that I learnt very early in life.   Every problem will have a solution.      Very sooner, you dad did not had the need to hide his old prescriptions and medications.  He was free to share his feelings, and fears and now that we are two to deal with it, we had all the strength to fight it bravely.  

I had the need to fight strange situations both in and out of the home.   I realized that all I have with me is my education.   If education taught me anything so far in life, let me put it to best use.  I started looking for work.  You were just 6 months old when I first left you sleeping the cradle and went back to work.  The day was the toughest.  I did not have the luxury of cell phones or personal phone at work.  But I used to somehow call and check that you took you regular feeds and is free from any pain or inconvenicne.  Sooner I set my timely calls spanning for a couple of minutes and this time setter is still there in my outlook even today.  Just to call you for 2 minutes at the time I know you are back from school.  The feeling that you reached home safe,  had your meal at school, and did not have a bad day., and giving you a chance to share all that happened in the day before you forget is the practice I would continue till you are a adult, later you may hate giving me this updates :-)

Amma, why are you writing all this? Don't I know this?  I can hear you asking me.  Yes baby, I know, but who ever forgets those moments that made their life, believe me,  the fire to continue and crave for success will be gone.  Hence I don't want you not know any of these.     Have we not overcome things that millions of people in India suffer even today?    Violence, illness, poverty,  fear and anxiety, eve-teasing in buses, wrong intention of men around,  unkind people around,  arrogance and selfishness,  helplessness and thoughtlessness of our own people is all that we have overcome to make this far.   Baby, today , we have the best of our self-respect, self-reliance, gratitude to family and friends who helped us, courage, strength to help others, heart to give it back to society,  and above all a very very happy family.   However, all this was not made in a day.  It had years of hard work, will power, strong determination, to win over failures, a fire to succeed.  We always had the thought to prove to people who thought that we would fail as a family, that we not going to let this life go off our hands.  

Just after few months, when I went to Dr Rekha's clinic to have the first ultrasound, I heard your heart beat....It was the best moment of my life.   I can imagine the butterflies flying all inside me making me feel that I am going to have the most precious gift of god.     Sooner the day you were born, I touched you in the morning, a pink bundle of joy.  I cried.  My mom was shocked to see my reaction.  I told her that she don't know what this little pink bundle would mean to me in life.   She is going to be my strength, my friend, my co-mate to deal with my life the way I want.  I know today, that I was not at all wrong.

You just started to walk...... before your first birthday.  I know I have to celebrate the day.  My friends in Aptech raised to the occasion and so does the family.  They all shared money to buy each thing we need for the party.  Including for the cake, the dress, the food, and the pictures.  Remember, those were the days we didn't have the digital cameras.   Finally in all my anxiety, I forgot to put the Jamun on the Mickey's face on the cake that was supposed to be its nose!    I still look at the pics and laugh to myself...crazy mom!

Your first words were Thata and Amma,,,,, I used to kiss every time you called me.   I did not have cameras to click the kodak moments of life, as you started to grow as my little angel.    Nor did we had the resources to give you everything that we wanted to give.   I could not afford beautiful dresses and precious little toys.  But I know I could compensate you with loads and loads of hugs and kisses.   I used to look at you as you sleep on my lap and making my tummy a pillow pet, and dream so many things for you.  Dreams that I always dream for you.  Dreams that dont let me sleep even today.

I used to shuttle between west mambalam and Tambaram, and I used to buy the tirupur baniyan dresses and the rubber toys from the road side shops near tambaram railway station.   In what ever you were dressed, you used to look like a little doll.   You used to happily play with the rabit on the tortoise and throw every little toy once you played with it.   You used to get bored with the toys very fast., and wanted new one's every now and then.  To me the roadside toy shop had been a rescue for sure.   Not only I was able to make your childhood colorful and joyful and I didnt have or could spend more on the things you wanted to change. 

Believe me you still like that even today.   Barbie dolls, Dora Mania, Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana fever, Micheal Jackson and Johnas Brothers to today's Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga and Rihanna, your fantasies and favorites keep changing with the times and years......and now the fever of Ram is making me smile to myself, for I know you are doing the right things at right age, and I also know that you would outgrow this film star craze also with the time!    As long as you do nothing to an extreme, and learn to welcome change and go by the rhythm of life, I have no worries.

Aptech Asset got closed and I moved to Dishnet call center.  You used to wait till I come back from my odd shifts.   The work in the joint family squeezed me domestically, and your dad's fantasy of changing jobs, stressed me out really.  That was the time I decided I need to do something.  I started to do my MBA.  I used to put you to sleep on my lap and keep writing my IGNOU's never ending assignment.  63 papers to submit, 3 assignment for the 21 course work to do....with a odd shift job...I know I have to realign....Thanks to Mr Bharath, who extended my probation and gave me a reason to quit dishnet and there came Manmar.

My Manmar days were the best.... can you imagine that Manmar building that stands today on Natesan road, in Mylapore now as Mediscan used to be the biggest building even till 2003...and there was a big dumping yard for waste management just opposite to it.    Onyx used to come and happily dump the city's garbage there and Dhanalaxmi wines used to be bus stop opposite to it...Every day we used to hear several funerals passing by.....Today the dumping yard is the foundation for the Chennai City Centre and very place ...Can you imagine how the place that once had a wine shop is now a home for America's favorite brands?   The whole place is changed for good.   I used to shuttle to office in 12G....this bus is still plying there...but with several people going to a different destination now.....This is the most happening place in Chennai today.    I think even our lives transformed with these changes that happened to this place..... irony!

I made friends for lifetime who loved seeing you grow as a happy child. Raghu and I were always careful that none of our struggles should hinder your growth.   We never fought or cried in front of you.   Unfortunately, the glorious days of Manmar started to fade....from a highest IT tax payer in the state, Manmar battled the end with the deal of GE merger failing and ended up not paying few months salaries.  That made me take up a job in Bangalore with help of your god mother, my elder sister and that was the a turning point. 

For Raghu after almost pleading Mr Mahalingam of Telekonnectors went off to work in Delhi, I left you behind with your grandparents and headed to Bangalore.  Dreadful times when every weekend I shutttled after my london shift that ended at 10 pm, to the Majestic to take the last bus at 12 in the night to Vellore...from Vellore take a bus to Chennai and reach at 9 am, and you used to sit with a mug of water and brush waiting in the front yard waiting for me.    Remembering this makes me even feel bad today....but happy we did cross it....Today, Mr Mahalingam' s wife Latha is a colleague to me in Rotary Inner Wheel....and I just smile at life's vicious circle!  I used to preserve the 23 weeks tickets thinking i will make it to  Limca records for shuttling every week between Bgl to Chennai for 4 months....

Thanks to Murali uncle, the ordeal ended as I found the job in ABN towards the end of 2003.....Raghu also joined at the beginning of 2004..........but less we did realize that we will have fun of challenges in 2004..... The mysterious stupid fire accident that happened in our bedroom aiming to kill you and me, and Raghu saving us was in one way an end to our struggles.   Why it happened, who did it and what was the motive are few questions that we don't need to ask anymore baby...Who ever did it , am sure will not miss god's eyes and punishment!

Staying in hotel as we fought the police investigation and leaving you again in Bangalore with your pedamma for a year, till I settle down with the newly emerged challenges of life, I know I am not going to look back sweet heart!.   Your dreams were the reason how we crossed all this.   We left our home that we had so much of pride to be part of ...the hieress to the AK Sekar legacy,  and we decided to be on our own....Independent and Self-Reliant....how much of this change gave us the courage to fight our own battles of poverty, fear, and rebuilding the life all again from the beginning..During all these times, 2 wonderful men stood beside me...my brother in laws....and a great friend, Vk.  Had it not been for their support and encouragement I dont know how it would have been.  

Gratitude is a small word if we forget the courage that your ammama and pedamma gave us when were completely ruined by the people whom we believed as ours.   Baby, trust me, dont take any body by their face value and dont ever build your emotions unless you know the people fully.   People who stand by you in tough times, are the people real in your life.  It is not great having 1000 friends on facebook, but having 10 good friends who would run to you when you are in trouble makes you life.   Remember dearie, , when Floyd uncle died, he had 1400 friends on FB, but it was just 6 of us who stood by his bed when he was gone.    Learn to stand by your friends at all times.  

Be a good friend for friends to respond to you when you need them.  Have few friends but friends for life time.  You will meet thousands of people in this journey called life, but all of them are only associates....just like friends we make in trains, under the trees in the parks, silent spectators in the library etc etc.... Real friends are those who know to accept you as you are.   There will be no ego, no back biting and the friendship will stay the same even if you meet them after years.    There will not be big time to catch up with life.... Learn to make new friends always but always remember to make few best friends for life!

Today,  I know you are still not clear on what you want to become.  Trust me, this is just ok.  You will become what you are destined to become.  God would have already made plans for you...and I am sure he would had the best plan.   You will rock this world darling.  I would not tell you not to look back, look back but learn from it.... Stay grounded always...it is very important to stay composed and balanced at all times.  Don't get agitated when things go wrong....always  there will be two ways to make any thing,...be it a decision, solution or plan...Just follow your heart and think with your mind in calmness.  I am sure you will choose the right path always.

Aishu, don't stop dreaming dear.  Dont stop hard work, being strongly determined and focused in what ever you do.  Do with truthfulness, sincerity and dedication.  What ever you do for your best will succeed.  Live for yourself first...try to be normal teen, aspiring and gentle.  Be kind to animals and love them.  Grow plants and enjoy flowers....make time for things that are closer to your heart.   You know that amidst all the speed breakers we had it life, you mom never gave up making time for poetry, writing articles, participating in events or ignoring work.  Keep learning always.

You are born in the a most creative family on either side.  Remember your  great grandfather was a great Art director of the golden era of South Indian Cinema.... Remember you are part of the family of poets and writers.....let your creativity also grow...do what you are good at with whole heart and complete focus.  

I love your smile,  and keep smiling always my child.  The world will smile back at you.  Continue your passion for music and art.   Study Math and Science well for everything around us is filled with it in real sense.  Don't be judgemental of others at all...always learn to be kind just like you are today.    Have safe fun....and never do the same mistake twice.

You have been following both Hinduism and Christianity with ease and can sing both classical music and hymns with ease.  Remember Religion is only a path to reach God.  It can be any faith...but the essence of all religions is the same.  Be human.

To me the biggest gift that I can give is this learning.....I have learnt many things in a very hard way.  You don't need to do it., just learn from what you parents have learnt.    Remember education is very important to any child today.  I don't want you to get 100% any day, but remember what ever you learn in text books should make some meaning to you in life!  As long as you use your knowledge in the right way, I know you have got your 100% off the report cards!

From the grounds of a modest town school called st.theresa's your three moms have reached the IIMC and PMP's....and now is your turn to outgrow our little successes....and I know you will take the right decisions...for I know that you no longer wear the stuff I buy for you but pick the best ones' that you think is your age and time appropriate.    From the street dresses to choosing the best brands of the world, you have had the luxury of both worlds...world of struggle and world of luxury.   I am sure you will be strong to face anything in life dear!.

You had the opportunities to see the world and travel across the airports of Paris, Dubai, Chicago, Detroit, Washington and London and Los Angeles...and I will surely make your dream to go to Italy to see the curve of Earth from South of Italy one day.  Yet, given a chance, please go back to the Rural India and share your life with the people who are like us .....teach children, help adults who need help.    Dont forget the modest beginnings we had.   Dont hesitate to extend a helping hand to any friend in need.   

Living in Hollywood, you very well know that Style is only good for statements.   All that hype created as Western influence in India is not truth, but a media hype.   People here in West also have great moral values, they also have poverty and fears, struggles of old and elderly people,  churches struggling to survive, school drops out and kids waiting for help.   Las Vegas and New york is not whole of America.  America is also modest, down to earth, freedom loving nation.   Have we not celebrated Pat and Chuck's 60th Wedding Anniversary......have we not seen Donna and kids getting back to routine after a period of grief.... and keeping their dad's dreams in tact.   Take the best of this Western world and stay grounded to the values of our heritage and culture that is in built in  us.   Don't get influenced by anything that is not natural to you and your inner self.

Ok little girl,  I know I have troubled you with this letter alot putting philosophy to words.  But you will read this again when you are my age, and realise that every sentence written here is truth.  Every struggle is common and we need to overcome.   Baby, I only wish your life is filled with happiness always, joys to come and successes to share.  But remember the same time, life is never a bed of roses.  I am sure you will handle any thing that comes in your way in a most composed and decent way. 

You live for your dreams dear Chinku...and not for your mom's dreams.   Same time, dream good things and aspire the right things in the right way.  Never do and regret later for anything that would let your mom and dad down....

Love you baby,....more than myself.   And give me all strength  and support to welcome one little boy to our house as your brother sometime in future from a home in India....to cherish the memory of your little brother whom we could not have due to the circumstances a decade ago...and make some sense of our lives together.....

We are a happy family, we love each other, and you are our pranam!

---- Love, Amma.