Nadhiye Nadhiye Song Lyrics with English Translation

Let me first tell you what a failed attempt this was to translate the beautiful verses of this song....I am so fascinated listening to this every time and thought of translating many times but it never happened perfectly and not going to happen at all....for there can be no match of watch to Vairamuthu's lyrics....The song, the music by Rahman and picturalization and above all...the wonderful expressions of Arjun make this song my all time favorite....Now Enjoy the lyrics!

Nadhiye Nadhiye Song Lyrics - Rhythm Tamil Song Lyrics


Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa


Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Thiranaa

Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa

Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Thiranaa



Nathiyae Nathiyae Kaathal Nathiyae Neeyum Penthaanae

Adi Neeyum Penthaanae

Onraa Irandaa Kaaranam Nooru Kaetaal Solvaenae

Nee Kaetaal Solvaenae



[ Oh beautiful Streams and Streams of thy river…oh river of love, you are also a woman right?


Oh dear…you are also a woman right?


Not one or two, but hundreds of reasons for me to tell if you ask…..


Will tell if you ask]


Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa

Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Thiranaa

Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Theemthananaa

Theemthananaa Theemthananaa Thiranaa



Nadanthaal Aaru Ezhunthaal Aruvi Ninraal Kadalalloa

Samainthaal Kumari Mananthaal Manaivi Petraal Thaayalloa

Siru Nathigalae Nathiyidum Karaigalae Karaithodum Nuraigalae Nuraigalil Ival Mugamae (2)



[You are brook as you walk, a valley as your pound on, and an ocean as you stop to stand


Full bloomed girl on puberty, a wonderful wife on marriage, and a great mother giving birth to a child


Small rivers, wonderful shores of the seas, waves of the beaches, watching the face of the woman in the surfs of the waters and waves in the shores]


Thinam Moathum Karai Thoarum Ada Aarum Isai Paadum

Jil Jil Jil Enra Sruthiyilae

Gangai Varum Yamunai Varum Vaigai Varum Porunai Varum

Jal Jal Jal Enra Nadaiyilae



Thinam Moathum Karai Thoarum Ada Aarum Isai Paadum

Jil Jil Jil Enra Sruthiyilae

Gangai Varum Yamunai Varum Vaigai Varum Porunai Varum

Jal Jal Jal Enra Nadaiyilae

[Every passing day, the river touches the sea shores….with the brooks singing the music of songs


Jil, Jil, Jil, with the rhythms


River Ganges comes, River Yamuna comes, River Vaigai Comes, the River of tolerance as well


Jal, Jal, Jal, with the river of rhythms]


Kaathali Arumai Pirivil Manaiviyin Arumai Maraivil

Neerin Arumai Arivaai Koadaiyilae

Vetkam Vanthaal Uraiyum Viralgal Thottaal Urugum

Neerum Pennum Onru Vaadaiyilae

Thanneer Kudathil Pirakiroam Oahoa Thanneer Karaiyil Mudikiroam Oahoa (2)



[ Beauty of love is known as you part, the value of wife is felt as she passes away


You will know the value of water when you are in the desert


Shyness makes you melting, touching fingers make you smitten


Water and Woman are the same in their smell


Born in the water of a woman’s womb….oh yes, completes the life in the shores of water as well..oh yeah]


(Theemthananaa Theemthananaa..)

Vanna Vanna Pennae Vatamidum Nathiyae Valaivugal Azhagu

Ungal Valaivugal Azhagu

Hoah Mellisaigal Padithal Maedu Pallam Maraithal Nathigalin Gunamae

Athu Nangaiyin Gunamae

Siru Nathigalae Nathiyidum Karaigalae Karaithodum Nuraigalae Nuraigalil Ival Mugamae (2)



[Oh Colorful girl, Oh beautiful flowing river, your shapes are an eternal beauty


Your curves are a beauty


Oh, hearing the soft music, forgetting the ups and downs, is it the features of a river? and it’s the features of a woman as well


Small rivers, wonderful shores of the seas, waves of the beaches, watching the face of the woman in the surfs of the waters and waves in the shores]

Thinam Moathum Karai Thoarum Ada Aarum Isai Paadum

Gangai Varum Yamunai Varum Vaigai Varum Porunai Varum



[Every passing day, the river touches the sea shores….with the brooks singing the music of songs


Jil, Jil, Jil, with the rhythms


River Ganges comes, River Yamuna comes, River Vaigai Comes, the River of tolerance as well


Jal, Jal, Jal, with the river of rhythms]



(Theemthananaa Theemthananaa..)

Thaenkaniyil Saaraagi Pookalilae Thaenaagi Pasuvinilae Paalaagum Neerae

Thaayarugae Saeyaagi Thalaivanidam Paayaagi Saeyarugae Thaayaagum Pennae

Poonguyilae Poonguyilae Pennum Aarum Vadivam Maarakkoodum

Neer Ninaithaal Pen Ninaithaal Karaigal Yaavum Karainthu Poaga Koodum



[Becoming honey from honeybees, becoming honey in the flowers, and becoming milk int eh covers…..oh water


Sharing the laps as a mother, becoming a mat to her man, and in man’s love transforming as a mother….oh woman


Oh Cuckoo, Oh Cuckoo., woman and river changes their forms as well


If water wants, and woman wants, all the borders can go vanished]



Nathiyae Nathiyae Kaathal Nathiyae Neeyum Penthaanae

Adi Neeyum Penthaanae

Onraa Irandaa Kaaranam Nooru Kaetaal Solvaenae

Nee Kaetaal Solvaenae



(Theemthananaa Theemthananaa..)



--

Earlier failed attempt to complete this translations !

Oh beautiful River, the river of love, You are also a woman?

Yeah, You are also a Woman!

Not one or two, but thoughts of reasons, ask and I will tell

Ask and I will tell!

While you walk, you are like a brook; While you arise, you are like a Fall; While you stand, you are a sea

As a girl blossoms..she is a lovely young lady; As she marries, she is a loyal wife; As she gives birth, she is a rejoicing Mom

Several Rivers, flowing into oceans as branches, reaching the shores, as you reach, its Her face!

"Aayiram Penmai Malarattume" Kannadasan Lyrics with my English Translation

Ayiram peNmai malarattumE

Ayiram kaNgaL rasikkattumE

oruththiyin nenjsam oruvanukkenRE

sol sol sol.. thOzi sol sol sol

 My English Translation ……..


Let the thousands of feminism features bloom

Let the thousands of eyes adore the loom

Yet, one’s purest heart is for one true love

Tell, tell, tell, Oh Friend, tell, tell , tell

(Ayiram)

onRE kAdhal onRE dheyvam

onRE vAzvin nIdhi

onRAy sErnthu anbAy vAzum

paNpE peNgaL jAdhi

kAdhal nAyagan oru pAdhi

kAdhali thAnum maRu pAdhi

irumanam anggE oru manam enRE

sol sol sol.. thOzi sol sol sol

My English Translation:
Only one love, only one God,

Brings in meaning to one’s life

Together we live, spreading the love

Character is the woman’s caste

The king of love rules one part

The queen of loves adore the other

Two hearts culminates as one soul here

Tell, tell, tell, Oh Friend, tell, tell , tell

mannavanE AnAlum

ponnaLanthu koduththAlum

peN manadhai nI adaiya mudiyAdhu

vAL munaiyil kEttAlum

venjsiRaiyil pOttAlum

udal anRi uLLam unnais sErAdhu

A..A.A....

mAnum peNNUm oru jAdhi

mAnam enggaL thani nIdhi

thavaRu seyyAdhE arugil varAdhE

nil nil nil mannA nil nil nil

My English Translation


The king rules the man

Giving the precious things away

Cannot capture woman’s heart

Keeping her at the edge of the sword

Preying with the brightest gifts

You can only win over the body

And the soul will never be won

A…A…A…

Mother earth and woman is one creed

The heart and soul is pure and consistent

Doing anything wrong, keep yourself away

Stop, Stop, Stop, Oh King, stop, stop, stop!





FILM: VAZHKAI PADAGU

YEAR: 1965

MUSIC: MS VISWANATHAN & TK RAMAMURTHY

PLAYBACK SINGER: P SUSHEELA

ONSCREEN ACTING: DEVIKA

My Interpretation of this song:

A woman adores true love and dedicated herself to one man whom she believes and she  believes that her character is her biggest assest and she respects her femine qualities of endurance, care and love and giving… You can win over a woman by touching her heart and not by force or fake gifts. Forcing her will make you win her body but never her soul.

Dos and Dont's while taking Sabarimala Vratham - Things to know during Ayyapa Puja

Certain things in life are inherited from the traditions followed since ages without even they being written anywhere but passed on from generations to generations by following and practicing what is deemed right and religious required. Kerala and its traditional temples were known for their orthodox and highly traditional and conservative existence known to mankind. The sanctity and purity of these rituals make this an endearing saga and gives an enriched way of life. We all cannot be saints all through our life, but these norms make us to be living a divine and meaningful times atleast during those days when we follow some religious path towards saturation. Lord Ayyapa is a symbol of beginning and end, being the son of Maha Vishnu and Lord Shiva….and also being a brahmacharya god is said to be following the most difficult of rituals in offering prayers to him. Every step of this prayer have a meaning and a scientific reason if you look deeper into it. Mostly this is in line with what Muslims follow during Ramzan fasting and Christians during Lent days….every religion has certain things that tie up to a one single path of realizing god in any form….a supreme, unseen and unheard form of existence.

 

41 days of diskha is like a tapas. The do’s and don’t’s are set to keep the focus on the God and his ultimate goals of cleansing the human mind, physical body and inner soul. This puja actually creates a vibrations for better living and character recheck of the people. Though most of the process may seem difficult, the path is rough , yet the happiness of doing this makes it easy and attainable. As an ardent child devotee who only remembers her dad in the Ayyapa dress all her life, I thought this season of Sabrimala, is a time to recap some do’s and don’t’s.

 

 

 

The list of things to know during Sabarimala Vratham

 

 

1. Wear black clothes only. You can wear dark blue or orange once you complete few years of diskha and travel to sabarimala. The reason being that Ayappa having offered that his devotees will pay due respects to him and as well as to Sani Bhagawan during the diksha so that he would not trouble them Wearing footwear is also avoided and washing feet before entering house or any place is required.

 

2. Start and end the day by taking bath twice with head shower with cold water. Initially this would be difficult but being clean is next to godliness. Using fragrances is avoided and using home made products is recommended.

 

3. Eating self cooked or clean cooked food in separate utensils have to be practiced. Ladies cooking the food have to be . Food have to be vegetarian and full meal only during lunch. Evening prasadam should be a light meal and fruits.

 

4. Sleeping on the floor is a must and you can use bedsheet or blankets as needed.

 

5. Who can take up this diksha? And Why?

 

• a. Men of all ages can take up this diksha
• b. Women who have not attain puberty and who are elderly and have had their menopause.
• c. This restriction is to follow the tradition that Ayyapa is a brahmacharya (bachelor god) and to maintain the focus and santity of the tradition followed in this temple.

 

6. Following bachelor or brahmacharya life through out this varatham. This would keep the devotees focused on the rituals and on god.

 

7. Tell saranugosha or Ayyapa saranam vili everyday morning and evening. People going together in the Sabarimala piligrimage keep telling this loudly during travel to make things easy, keep energy up and also to keep the fear of animals and darkness away. Saranam minchiya Saramu illiyeee (there is no big weapon than the saranu gosha)

 

8. No indulging in arguments, vulgar talks or watching movies. Keep practicing devotional songs and attend ayyapa bajans as much as possible keep the varatham in tact

 

9. Follow meditation to keep you calm and follow all the rituals with ease

 

10. Conduct Ayyapa puja at home atleast once and give annadhanam to poor during this pooja. Having a guruswamy do this at home is a blessing and making panchamrutham without even smelling the ingrediants before offering to god is important. Annadhanam is a important ritual and if not possible at home, you can distribute food to poor near the temples as well

 

11. Practice deeksha during the full mandalam of 41 days. Lot of people these days due to convenience do this for few days which is not right or maladaranam only during the pilgrimage. This will not give full benefits and it is important that giving time cleaning the mind and body during the puja days is very important.

 

12. First time travelers to sabarimala are called Kanniswamies and they follow that they are driving by the saranu gosha and not with the help of stick as they climb the forest hills to sabarimala. Stop at Erumely and play pettatuli (carnival dance) before proceeding to sabarimala. The first arrow from erumely to be placed in Saramkuthi alayam. There is a story that the year when there is no saramkuti from the first time traveler to sabarimala, that is when Lord Ayyapa will get married…..and the waiting continues but devotees don’t stop coming to Sabarimala

 

13. Do not indulge in any wrong doings, accepting bribes, indulging in violence or talking foul language. Do not drink or smoke.

 

14. Keeping modest way of life is the way to perform this puja. Don’t indulge in showing wealth during bhajans or puja at home. In the eyes of god, everyone is equal

 

15. Have all ingediants required for Irumudi and attend the irumudhi function with poise. As the family puts behind rice in your bag as you start to sabarimala, it means that you are actually leaving behind all your entanglements of life, including relationships and materialistic well being and surrending oneself to god.

 

16. Keeping away from attending death ceremonies, funerals and women during this time is required. In this vratham, one is far above all that is free from any kind of emotional entanglements and it is only to indicate that no one is above destiny and their own karma.

 

17. Visiting any local temple during the puja days once is recommended. In Chennai, every corner of the street have ganesha temples that can be visited.

 

18. Following all puja norms for mala removing after the pilgrimage is also recommended, It is not right to remove the mala once visit is completed before the 41 days is completed. And it has to be done with the help of guruswamy only or in the ayyapa temple when the vratham is completed.

 

 

 

My personal experience with the Lord is that whoever believes in him, he will take care of them….Who ever tries to test this whole thing and do it for name sake and try to not mind any of these is also not forgiven. The meaning is that don’t do something that you cant do with 100% dedication. Even if it means a prayer to god!

 

 

 

Let Lord Ayyapan bless you all for the healthy, wealthy and problem free life. Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa.

 

 

 

Sri Venkateswara Suprabatham Lyrics in English

Sri Venkateswara Suprabhatam Lyrics

Kowsalya supraja Rama poorva sandhya pravarthathe

Uthishta narasardoola karthavyam daivamahnikam

Kowsalya supraja Rama poorva sandhya pravarthathe

Uthishta narasardoola karthavyam daivamahnikam

Uthishtothishta Govinda uthishta garudadhwaja
Uthishta kamalakantha thrilokyam mangalam kuru
Uthishtothishta Govinda uthishta garudadhwaja
Uthishta kamalakantha thrilokyam mangalam kuru

Mathassamasta jagatham madukaitabhare
Vakshoviharini manohara divyamoorthe
Sree swamini srithajana priya danaseele
Sree Venkatesadayithe thava suprabhatham (twice)

Thavasuprabhathamaravindalochane
Bhavathu prasanna mukhachandra mandale
Vidhisankarendra vanithabhirarchithe
Vrishasaila nathadavithe, davanidhe

Athriyadhi saptharushay ssamupasya sandyam
Aakasa sindhu kamalani manoharani
Aadaya padhayuga marchayithum prapanna:
Seshadrisekhara vibho! Thava suprabhatham

Panchananabja bhava shanmukavasavadhya:
Tryvikramadhi charitham vibhudhasthuvanthi
Bhashapathipatathi vasara shuddhi marath
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava subrabhatham

Eeshathprapulla saraseeruha narikela
Phoogadrumadi sumanohara Balikanam
Aavaathi mandamanilassaha divya gandhai:
Seshadri shekara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Unmeelya nethrayugamuththama panjarasthaa:
Paathraa vasishta kadhaleephala payasani Bhukthvaa
saleelamatha keli sukha: patanthi
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Thanthree prakarsha madhuraswanaya
vipanchyaa Gayathyanantha charitham
thava naradopi Bhashasamagrama sakruthkara sara ramyam
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Brungavaleecha makaranda rashanuvidda
Jhankara geetha ninadaissa sevanaya
Niryathyupaantha sarasee kamalodarebhyaha
Seshadri sekhara vibhol thava suprabhatham

Yoshaganena varadhadni vimathyamaane
Ghoshalayeshu dhadhimanthana
theevraghoshaaha Roshaathkalim
vidha-dhathe kakubhascha kumbhaha
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Padmeshamithra sathapathra kathalivargha
Harthum shriyam kuvalayasya nijanga Lakshmya
Bheree ninadamiva bibrathi theevranadam
Seshadri sekhara vibho! thava suprabhatham

Sreemannabheeshta varadhakhila lookabandho
Sree Sreenivasa Jagadekadayaika sindho
Sree devathagruha bhujanthara divyamurthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham (twice)

Sree swamy pushkarinikaplava nirmalangaa
Sreyorthino hara viranchi sanadadhyaha
Dware vasanthi varavethra hathothamangaha:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sree seshasaila garudachala venkatadri
Narayanadri vrishabhadri vrishadri mukhyam
Akhyam thvadeeyavasathe ranisam vadanthi
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sevaaparaashiva suresa krusanudharma
Rakshombhunatha pavamana dhanadhi nathaha:
Bhaddanjali pravilasannija seersha deSaha:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Dhateeshuthevihagaraja mrugadhiraja
Nagadhiraja gajaraja hayadhiraja:
Swaswadhikara mahimadhika marthayanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sooryendhubhouma bhudhavakpathi kavya souri
Swarbhanukethu divishathparishathpradanaa:
Twaddhasa dasa charamavadhidaasa daasa:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Thwathpadadhulibharita spurithothha manga:
Swargapavarga nirapeksha nijantharanga:
Kalpagamakalanaya kulatham labhanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Thvadgopuragra sikharani nireekshmana
Swargapavarga padaveem paramam shrayantha:
Marthyaa manushyabhuvane mathimashrayanthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava Suprabhatham

Sree bhoominayaka dayadhi gunammruthabdhe
Devadideva jagadeka saranya moorthe
Sreemannanantha garudadibhirarchithangre
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Sree Padmanabha Purushothama Vasudeva
Vaikunta Madhava Janardhana chakrapane
Sree vathsachinha saranagatha parijatha
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Kandarpa darpa hara sundara divya murthe
Kanthaa kuchamburuha kutmialola drishte
Kalyana nirmala gunakara divyakeerthe
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Meenakruthe kamatakola Nrusimha varnin
Swamin parashvatha thapodana Ramachandra
Seshamsharama yadhunandana kalki roopa
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Elaa lavanga ghanasaara sugandhi theertham
Divyam viyathsarithi hemaghateshu poornam
Drutwadhya vaidika sikhamanaya: prahrushta:
Thishtanthi Venkatapathe! thava suprabhatham

Bhaswanudethi vikachani saroruhani
Sampoorayanthi ninadai: kakubho vihangha:
Sree vaishnavassathatha marthitha mangalasthe
Dhamasrayanthi thava Venkata! Subrabhatham

Bhramadayassuravarasamaharshayastthe
Santhassa nandana mukhastvatha yogivarya:
Dhamanthike thavahi mangala vasthu hasthaa:
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham

Lakshminivasa niravadya gunaika sindo:
Samsarasagara samuththaranaika setho
Vedanta vedya nijavaibhava bhakta bhogya
Sree Venkatachalapathe! thava suprabhatham(Twice)

ltnam vnsnacnala pamerlna suprabhatham
Ye manava: prathidinam patithum pravrutha:
Thesham prabhatha samaye smruthirangabhhajam
Pragnyam paraartha sulabham paramam prasoothe(Twice)

Dealing with Uncertainty

In today's world of chaotic chase between options and varied goals, the factors of uncertainty have become quite certain in every one's life.  Be it professional or personal aspects, today we live in a kind of confusion, anxiety, caution, nervousness and expectations.  In fact,  this uncertainty is the New Normal, it is not a negative aspect of life any more.  Uncertainty means multiple Options.   Certainty limits our scope and actions whereas uncertainty gives us a larger room for choosing anything that would make our lives better, challenging and progressive. 

The first principle of dealing with Uncertainty is understanding the fact that uncertainty gives us multiple directions and enriches our thought process.   Instead of avoiding this fairly certain aspect, it is good to deal with it and excel in managing the varied directions that lay in our front.  This is called as turning adversities into opportunities

Unknown unknowns are not easy and often scary as there is no choice of safety and security in the way we want to deal with things in the most peaceful and consistent way.    This uneasiness will actually limit our potential and finding new opportunities and possibilities.   Instead of worrying where our relationships would take us,  where our careers would lead us and what our friends and neighbours think about us, we need to focus on the things in hand.  This would let us make informed decisions considering all the factors within and outside our line of control.

Windy afternoon at Venice Beach watching the tides and boats

We always end up paying a huge cost for the uncertainty when we don't take calculated risks.  Understanding that taking risks is very much a success factor and also noting that the chances of failure only makes our options of success more stronger and worth the effort will make things easy for us.   Taking risks and failing is always better than not taking any.  This would eventually end all possible successes as well if we don't dare to take new steps in life.

This overwhelming situation has become the norm of life, with the vulnerable global economy, job losses,  corruption,  political unrest, emotional entanglements, and the urge to succeed in everything and anything we do.   A parent worries about a 2 year old getting admission in a school today in India, and a grown up child worries about getting a good college, educated graduate worries about a high paid job,   a professional worries about marriage,  a relationship that would sustain in these days of high tech no time life styles,  a married couple worries about having children, bringing them up in right way being both working professionals,  old people are uncertain which child would support them when they need,  employees are worried about promotions, managers are worried about pie-sharing, companies are worried about competitions, countries are worried about economy and war, and world is worried about global warming, depleting natural resources and oil, unexplored mineral wealth, and fight for the borders.   More the quest for being organized, civilized, and perfect, the world is actually heading towards a bigger chaos and Uncertainty.   So calm down, this is just the phenomenon of the present day life.

Personally, every one of us have various goals and ambitions in life.  These ambitions can be towards being something or achieving everything in life.   We always want to be the one which we are not.  An actor tells that he wanted to be a doctor...a teacher tell that's she wanted to be a lawyer.... a house wife dreams about a career,  a working woman dreams about spending more time with children.... Too many goals and the too many lives that we wish to lead.  Ultimately we have to make choices.  Make one decision at a time that will take us in the direction in which we want to go no matter what is the  end result.   A person who don't expect the end result and travels the road less travelled with courage, wisdom and wishful thinking is the person who succeeds more times than the one who keeps a life time goals and struggles to run all sides.   A step by step move actually eliminates the amount of uncertainty in life to a great extent.

The future is always uncertain and unclear and difficult to see through.   That doesn't mean that we don't need to dream, dare to think, decide to aim and struggle to cross the bridges of fate with poise and will.   It means that we need to take every step with courage and eliminate the fear of uncertainty by taking every move with viewing options on all sides, and keeping the ground felt at every level of decision making to avoid a highly nervous uncertainty.   Taking informed decisions with  level of intelligence will make us walk through the foggy unknowns in life and still be content with the end result with the fact that we have done deliberate decision making taking all factors into consideration.

To fail and to raise every time,  taking new routes towards human development and progress,  and not slowing down when we are pulled back hundred times, but to leap ahead with courage and realign our decisions based on the outcomes as we cross each step in the only way to deal with the uncertainty.  History has taught us that the greatest achievers of mankind are the one's that dealt with the uncertainty and nothing else.    Man would not have landed in space any day had he not taken the risk of going far above the skies where he was not sure if he can ever land somewhere!   So uncertainty is actually not a negative aspect of life any longer, it is a pristine way of telling us to  take right decisions and move in the right direction and go by what our intuition, circumstances and hearts tell us!

Happy Dealing with Uncertainty folks!  I am dealing with one now with the same spirit!



Coping with Performance Review Anxiety

This is again the time of the year for Annual Performance reviews that usually act as the career-building exercise in Organizations. This is one of the times of the year, when there is lot of activity on both sides- for managers and employees.

During this time frame, employees try to be pleasing the managers keeping their ‘I’ factor aside so that what is fresh do not stay in the Manager’s mind during the D-Day that they wait all year long. Managers having the burden and anxiety to complete the process, hear to end less emotional outburst and keeping in pace with the facts/ details struggling to do justice to both their employees and other factors including Organizational Performance, account related budgetary constraints, identifying right talents and skills sets, giving due recognition amidst their own anxiety of this process with their managers. This struggle and anxiety is like in the food chain. Being in the top of food chain like said in the “Lion King’ movie gives managers an advantage of having the end word and keeps employees either motivated or otherwise depending on how they handle this whole process. Ultimately this is the time the either strengthen or damage the ‘Manager-Employee’ relationship in the organization and caution have to be adhered to for the benefit of the Organization.

Good preparation is the key for Performance Review discussions and they help the team performance taking it to the next level of growth for the projects and improve the relationship within the team members and those between the employee and the managers as well.

This whole exercise is highly stressful especially for the managers who have multiple reports and every member of the team have to be reviewed separately. Not carefully planned process can result in burnout for managers and displeasing results for employees. One year when I had close to 10+ direct reports to review, I ended up with weeks of planning, paper work, thinking and rethinking and in an ardent quest to strike a right balance. So can imagine the stress for managers having a bigger number.

Advice for Managers

What manages should remember is that though the process is stressful, with each of the employee, the process is critical and sensitive for them and it is one time exercise in a year that we all have to go through. Having multiple reviews to do, and having back to back sessions do not only result in a burn out for the manager, but also would lose the required energy and attention that is required to be given. Careful planning and giving time to think between meetings on the person on focus is very important not to give biased opinions that may ruin the whole process. The awareness that this is a nervous time for the employee who slog all through the year for some betterment in life and in career have to be heard genuinely.

It is very easy to keep a set of perceptions, organizational objectives, corporate strategy and self- advancement career path and go by those perceptions in your discussion. It is required to keep a caution on these factors and focus on the goals that have been set for the employee and review based on those goals and not just towards the events that happened at the end of the year. Any statistical data like the number of tasks completed, managed and efficiently done, appreciation or escalations received by the employee, financial impact of the performance in the organizational/project/program objectives become very key and important yardstick to measure performance.

There can be non-subjective factors like team work, attitude, client relationship etc. which can be considered. Non-objective yardsticks like how close you are to the employee outside office, how many times we had coffee together, family friendships, will the employee listen to whatever I say, and other actual factors that today hinder genuine discussions in the organizations have to be curtailed and purely controlled for the benefit of all. Evaluation employees based on the needs as a manager in the process of sharing the pie share that you have is a very common process in the corporates today. At the same time evaluation based on full year’s performance and based on their strengths, weaknesses and improvement areas will benefit the organizations in the long run.

Discussions often circle around the most recent past and it makes the key factor in decision making which is actually tough to stop but that should be made only one area of discussion and this should be the time to show appreciation on the good things done in the past and also provide guidance on the areas of improvement.

The important last word would be, Performance review is to be based only on employee performance and as one time measurement of what is achieved and what is not. Also important to plan the next year, discussion compensation and growth of the employee without any false promises or fake discussions that would surely motivate employees and would let them appreciate the management for their sensibility, professionalism and sensitivity in dealing with People…..After all, what you are working with are human beings…and not machines! Proudly called ‘Human Potential’!

Advice for Employees

The very important thing for the employees is to focus on the purpose of the review that includes goals review and performance objectives. Having details is important but getting too much into it would be a draining situation for both you and your manager, especially when you don’t arrive in consensus and end up in arguments. Having facts and entering into a healthy discussion is important for it is only between YOU and YOUR Manager. There should be no third party in this relationship. It is all about how you performed, where you failed and where you need to contribute and what you need to do to grow in the organization. It is like talking to a priest for god’s blessings???? Is it not??? Ending up in courter and useless arguments and debating with manager really will lead nowhere.

It is important to do your homework and be prepared to back up your proposal for your growth and good performance rating. Instead of giving a general note, it is important to have track of the specific details. And above all having clarity in your career goals is important and having achieved them gives you confidence to this whole process. To understand what was expected, what was performed and what is not achieved gives you a clear conscience of what you could be rated as. Anything away from your own assessment, is a probable result of other factors not within your line of control, probably within or without your Manager’s line of control of things as well. This means, fretting about the results that happened for what you are not responsible is being foolish. You would have given 100% but the project could have failed for so many other reasons.

Self-confidence, integrity and honest approach, on either side give a true meaning to this whole process. Any deliberate flaws will only result in employee attrition and dissatisfied managers resulting in draining away Organization’s best talents and causing unwanted financial impact and growth. So coping up with this anxious period with due caution is very important for the benefit of all concerned.

The Rain of Wisdom

Sitting in the office window, amidst the pile of work

I stare outside for a second, and see the storming rainfall

Thoughts flowed like a streaming brook, with eyes wide open

Into the cataclysmic of the nature all around

The mountains in the far looked like the shining canyons

Whispering to the weighed mules that carry people around

I know I need to take this few minutes to scribble down

Or else these thoughts are going to be prolonged

Looking for the sun on a windy rainy day from ground

Is like always wanting things that you don’t have around

The showers that flow on the glass window pane

Remind me that how much ever the tears of pain

They would just disappear along the wind and disdain

Calmness engulfed all around, there cannot be inner calmness

To the tensed thoughts’ of a heart that knows not to rejoice

It is the lack of faith that creates limitations

And it is the lack of thoughts’ that creates the boundaries

Once you are free from the limits and learn to go by nature

Life can be nothing but all yours and truly better

The rain is still pouring down the mountains,

And whispering into the leaves that sway in happiness

The roads are all wet and walkers are careful to step around

The cars are buzzing off the freeway in the far round

And see…now the rains of wisdom, started to fade from my thoughts

And it’s just done in 2 minutes of my time, and time to go back

To my pile of work that’s actually not using my wisdom of rain!

Eternity visits Los Angeles….Rendezvous with Dr. BalaMuraliKrishna..Living legend of Carnatic Music…

There can be no words to describe the enthralling performance of a great legend of our times….I have been watching him from the first Mile Sur Mera Thumara days in 80’s and watching him live is nothing but a great blessing.

 
A multifaceted personality, a gifted soul, a rendition that is equivalent to the supreme souls of Indian Classical Music and he joins the connoisseurs of Carnatic world including Annamaya, Thyagabhrama, and so many other legends. The simplicity of the man in his smile, the beautiful artistic interaction with his fans…and the competitions he brings in with his accompanists is a visual treat, a divine grace and above all a soul stirring dive into the music of Carnatic songs….the bhavas, the ragas and the samskruthi….. there can be no par!....I am so glad I was able to show this great legend to my child, a budding artist and she would realize what an opportunity it was to see him singing sitting in the first few rows… an awakening experience


His first opening song of ‘Endaro Mahanubhavulu….’ ,. I felt amongst all, he was the biggest Mahan!. ‘Samajavaragamana…’ made the crowd sway in an eternal ecstacy..and ‘Akilandeswari’ evoked goddess Durga just before the duga puja celebrations week to begin..and people were waiting for him to continue…when he smiled and said ‘over’….’Muruga…. ‘was an wonderful performance having B.U.Ganesh Prasad on Violin and Tanjavur K Murugaboopathy on Mridangam…what a great percussionists he had..young talents and wonderful. Saraswathi who gave the introduction of his songs and anecdotes was not only perfect…but very gifted. His song in Hindi calling Bala Gopala…was taking us all into the world of Bridhavanam…just can feel lord krishna dancing in the corners of the fully packed high school auditorium in Norwalk, Los Angeles, CA here in USA.

The one mystical minute was when he explained his love of travelling in train between ‘Bejawada’ to ‘Madras’ now called Vijayawada and Chennai…. And the way he recited all the stations in a musical way…as a child who took this route for several years, I could be nothing but overwhelmed..shouting my town, my city, my route,…my maestro! He ended the recitation like a child who finished his first poem recitation and smiled in fact giggled with blushes….it was such a treat to watch him like a little child feeling pride and happy after every song…such a humility and happiness in an artist of his caliber is a rare phenomenon. His ‘Tilana’ was the last song in the concert and it made us feel like wanting to dance…and I could see all people around tapping their feet in a happiness….the real happiness and success of an artist is when he can get his audience spell bound and rejoice in the presence forgetting everything else around and stay glued to the seat and eyes on him all the moments.

At the age of 81 his ardent dedication and physical strength, is only possible when the soul is truly submerged in the endeavor he is doing…and it is his inner enormous love for music that is giving him that ability to manage the pressure of concerts and sitting down for 3 hours continuously ….In all ways…for us who are blessed to be alive during his times, who are privileged to get to see him and enjoy his life….it gives a greater meaning of what we called is eternity of Indian Music….a lasting memory of happiness for rest of our lives. Long live Sir,…and hope you would bless many more children around you to see this mystical performances….To me, you are an eternal bliss

And for those who were were wondering, what are the stations he mentioned between Vijaywada and Chennai , here is the list:

Vijayawada Junction

Krishna Canal Junction

Kolanukonda

Peddavadiapudi

Chiluvur

Duggirala

Kolakalur

Tenali Junction

Tsunduru

Modukuru

Nidubrolu

Machavaram

Appikatla

Bapatla

Stuartpuram

Ipurupalem

Ipurupalem Halt

Chirala

Jandrapeta

Vetapalemu

Kotta Pandilla Palli

Kadavakuduru

Chinna Ganjam

Uppugunduru

Raparla Halt

Ammanabrolu

Karavadi

Ongole

Surareddipalem

Tanguturu

Singarayakonda

Ulavapadu

Tettu

Kavali

Sri Venkateswarpalem

Bitragunta

Alluru Road

Talamanchi

Kodavaluru

Padugupadu

Nellore

Nellore South

Vedayapalem

Venkatachalam

Manubolu

Gudur Junction

Odur

Pedapariya

Nayadupeta

Doravari Chatram

Polireddipalem

Sullurupeta

Akkampet

Tada

Arambakkam

Elavur

Gummidipundi

Kavaraippettai

Ponneri

Anuppambattu

Minjur

Nandiyampakkam

Attippattu

Ennore

Kathivakkam

Wimco Nagar

Tiruvottiyur

V.0.C. Nagar

Tondiarpettai

Korukkupettai Junction

Basin Bridge Junction

Chennai Central•

It took me around 7 hours always to travel this distance but surely would take more than that to get these names byheart .....and doubt it if I can ever can :-) 

A Wave of Friendship

They came into our lives so simply, just like any other friends
like a big wave of real and close friendship,  possibly with no ends
Just like the flocking birds on the tree, whispering sweet nothings
they came in our lives like the bleaming winds and friendship waves...

Like all friends did and do, we spent time giggling for everything
Eating together, sleeping under the same roof, and cheering Indian Cricket....
Movies, Games and Fun, and times sat on the terrace to cry together tooo....
Sometimes just sitting together and doing just nothing....

The day came when we made others feel jealous of us by all means
and so did some wicked minds that slowly came closer in between
Ofcourse, thats what made us think what we mean really to each other
as we overcame all obstacles to an real good friendship....

As I said, flocking birds...as they found a new tree away from our shore
and it was time for them to fly, and make us search for them tommorrow
We realize how much they were part of us unknowingly everyday
And just with all thoughts, and sinciere prayers that they would just do ok

Where ever they go, what ever they would endeavor
who ever their new friends are going to be
We would cherish every day and every moment spent
for friendship is far beyond the test of time or distance

Gonna Miss you Vasudha and Ram...But for sure you would live in our hearts ever!  Thank you for the wonderful time we spent together.....will wait for such a time again.

Nightmares of an unpredictable onsite career - Not a myth of being part of an onshore-offshore project

What happens when you are tempted next time to take up a lucrative onsite assignment in a most happening city in the world?   Think again before you do on things that matter to you and your family first.     Corporates and Managers need not be considerate to your priorities and less will they be worried about what is killing you on all sides if you make wrong decisions. 

You can call this my experience or my anguish and pain...what so ever.....when there are so many external areas of control, for heavens sake I should have thought about the things that are well within my internal areas of control.   I am perplexed when people treat people like just any other resource in the organization, a broken table, crashed laptop, virus infected software or a unvending coffee machine....

Trust me you are just replaceable...no matter how much you made the work your life, how much you tried to be loyal to the company you work for, how much you are commited to your client's and project commitments.  We are living in an emotion-free corporate world, where people are no more the most important reason for growth in the companies.   

Next time, when you pack your bags for an onsite career,try to do some internal introspection?  Dont fall for the pursuing words of a manager who is desperate to fill up the Project Org Chart with people...dont think that you are chosen because of your talent and skill set, but because he/she  has a desperate project need to fill you in......dont think that she/he is doing you a favour by chosing for the best of the moves, it is only because a client needs your profile and for that moment you are the best fit and makes this for your fascination. 

When the urgency is gone, when the project is going smooth, and when there is no escalation because of your good work,  trust me, you are no more important to the project and easy replaceable!    You are just given a great incentive and a big piece of the cake which lots of other people are only dreaming off!!!!  

YOU are not the you who was so important at the beginning!    When your goals are achieved, you have done your job,,,,you just did what is expected!  When your goals and project deadlines are missed  and you show sudden surge of improvement,  and turn project from RED to Green then you are the best, you are the great member, you are an acheiver.   Thats why people who consistently perform struggle to grow in the organizations...People who sometimes fix things become god sent!

Today Corporate IT industry is always struggling to get the right people, good people who understand client expectations is short just because of this indifferent attitude of people who manage these organizations.  Their perception and training that no one is important is what is draining organizations of good innovation and loyal employees..... Every time, projects suffer from iterations, lack of good talent and consistent performance and inbuilt employee motivation because Managers speak the parrokeeted words that they are trained to speak to..... I also underwent this training from NIS on how to handle people during performance appriasal discussion and can imagine how strong we are supposed to be not getting succumbed to employees emotional outburst...But please people, think again, you are also reporting to some one else and will hear the same Music!  

After frequent travels on project needs, I decided to focus on my highschooler and asked for an offshore project and just because I had valid visa,  I was pushed to 'Bench'  waiting for that the dream change....When the dream change came,  I was given just a month to sell of my car, bike, my husbands job to quit, tc from school for my kid, put my mom under lonliness, vacate the house, sell of the electronics that would not sustain 2 years of storage and spent so much on the packing...moving to the most costliest city with family was another challenge....trust me, to give the same life to the family on what you had in hometown with the earnings that come, is a challenge but still you showcase a brave front and pretent to be happy!  

Finally the day comes when your visa is at someone's mercy or the project is at stake, or just that your manager is not happy with you because you also talk like him or her  and you end up again in a situaton of relocation with an emotion-free corporate giving a slightest consideration to what would happen to you!   Managers think that we had the INCENTIVE of being onsite...but ask any NRI who lives with the second hand goods, manages to look happy always looking for deals, and alway under the uncertainity of 'What Next?' 

The INCENTIVE is paid by the uncertainity of

 'Which school would take a highschooler in the mid of the year in India?????? Years away from home with No Hindi or Tamil,  World history replacing the Social Studies,... Physics in detail replacing Science ....American English replacing the British Indian English,,......Algebra replacing General Maths...I jus dont know if an admission is by any means possible!  Did I put my child's education and future at jeapardy!   Expecting my company to understand my predicment is way too much.It was my mistake!!!!!

'Will my husband get back a job?  A decent one that he was doing before??'''  May take time though not a big deal

The rest are minor and self-made issues that I know I can manage.....but still the nerve of uncertainty is so killing!

Friends,   Onsite careers are real lessons both on the technical, project perspective and also from a personal front.    You make decisions that are important for you in life and not by your companies..... ultimately you may not be with the same company, or with the same project, for long, but surely the families are gonna be with you for life.

Dont damage the life of your dear one 's in the name of your profession, for career is only a part of your life for your living.   Unless you are able to strike this balance, be 100% sure that the changes you take in life do not impact the consistency and happiness of your people, trust me, dont take chances.  I have seen so many co-onsite workers  who pretend happiness back to families in India,  but look for deals of 5 or 10 $ savings.,  who makes families spend time with the TV and cable, and who struggle with second hand cars that are not happy to ride!  Every thing of you gets compramized because of the 'Onsite Incentive'  and the day the realization happens, you will sit and fret like me on a Saturday morning!  Happy Onsiting!

The uncertainty of life is the New Normal and this is the exact reason why lot of Indians are travelling back to India in search of more peaceful, consistent life closer to family and friends.   I am gonna be one very soon!

Disclaimer:  This has got nothing to do with my company, my project or my manager..  This is the frustration of a mother with a teenage daugther worried about the 'What next?' factor in life at this point!

Paru and I

This story is about me. I have been sitting in my posh upscale office in New York City and watching the mad rush of the Manhattan downtown. Rejoicing the beauty of the new décor I got for my office, I looked satisfied in the mirror on my desk. I smiled at my face beaming with pride of leading a Multi-National Bank as a Vice President. Having travelled all over the world, I developed a fancy for anything that is of a ‘brand’.
Suddenly I remembered Paru, my old friend back in India. Paru and I started life together and we were very hardworking young girls always aspiring for new things and new horizons. I think having the right opportunities at the right time made the difference and I soon started to climb the corporate ladder.

Unknowingly amidst the entire quest, the touch of luck started to embrace me towards success that is now a reflection in my life. But unfortunately for Paru, things did not materialize as she dreamt. She took up a small time accountant job in a firm and got married and raised a family.

I looked at the clock, that’s imported from Germany. It is 5 pm in New York, and it must be 8 am in India. Paru would have completed her cooking, packed her lunch box, and would get her kids ready to school, finished her cleaning and washing and would be getting ready in her salwar kameez, un-ironed most of the time, and running to catch the crowded bus at 8.30.

My new sedan smiled at me telling that I have none of those hassles. Paru may be standing all the way to office going by bus, tolerating the preying men’s hands on her shoulders and hips., sometimes someone stamping on her feet and making her feel like falling down in the jam packed bus.

I grabbed my new iPhone and dialed her number. She responded with the first ring and I could hear her smile….and in her usual poetic way started to talk to me.,

’Rejoice this morning going old, as the setting sun on the other world,

Loved to grace my morning fine., how I wish to tell this friendship being mine…..’ .

I could hear the bus conductor whistling away for the next stop. I am right Paru is on her way to office, a typical 9-6 job which pays her Rs.4000, probably my 100$ bill … yet the irony that she sounded happy.

We spoke for few minutes and she told me that she picked up a part time job of taking tuitions to a disabled child of a Merchant Navy Sailor at their home for Rs. 600 and how much that is helping her to fulfill her children’s extra expenses of making them learn swimming. She was so excited that the child’s mother serves her hot chai every evening and she is so refreshed with it when going back home at 8 pm and start cooking dinner for her family.

She was still singing Jibanananda Das’s verses

I have journeyed, alone, in the enduring night,

And down the dark corridor of time I have walked

I was perplexed. Here is a woman who runs from pillar to post to make her living. All she has are bare minimum necessities to survive in a polluted and corrupted city where she has to bribe everyone for everything. But I could find a great sense of happiness, contentment and joy in her of what she is doing. Paru surely sounded happy and her words echoed in my ears for long

"As the footfall of dew comes evening;

The raven wipes the smell of warm sun

From its wings; the world's noises die."

Banalatha Sen…..I thought. Her enthusiasm in poetry has not slipped a bit and her spontaneity of words and using them with wisdom rightfully made me smile again. Paru has been using poetry as her solace ever since I knew her. Her every emotion is packed with the words that have poetic brilliance. I decided to forget her, for Paru reminds me of ordinary Indian woman whose struggles never end. Abused by the entire system that have no outlet and in a conservative and religiously tight communities, the society haven’t changed over decades after Independence.

Paru lives in a sense of emotional freedom in mind, which as a Liberal Free Modern Woman, I am not able to appreciate or least accept. I know I thought of writing my story and thinking too much about Paru. I am going to erase her now.

After couple of weeks, I decided to go to Las Vegas to enjoy a good vacation. The Arizona and Nevada borders always fascinated me with the deserts and night winds and dunes amidst which I love to drive. The Colorado river with its beauty flowing amidst the Grand Canyons always made my camera busy. Vegas also hit by the recent recessions and there aren’t the usual crowds in the Casinos.

I sat in the Cesar Palace and looked at the girls dancing on the poles. They looked like the Russian Circus girls who used to jump from one corner to the other in the Raj Kamal Circus that I watched decades ago in my home town. Yes, I went to circus every year with my family and friends, which included Paru, my best friend.

Is life not a circus for Paru even today? Is she really happy with her life? I can hear her boss yelling at her for not keeping the files ready for Audit. She knows he would anyway pay Rs.500 to the auditor for a good report. Her son is pulling her to play with him. She just switched on the Sun TV for her usual mega serial. Amidst all this, she is humming the words of Tagore from Geetanjali on the phone when I dialed her

“Time is endless in thy hands, my lord.
There is none to count thy minutes.
Days and nights pass and ages bloom and fade like flowers.
Thou knowest how to wait.”

She was telling me about the years that we missed to meet. And she is happy to wait for few more years to give me her big hug. She loved being called aunty by her children’s friends and tells that she is now not asking her husband to color his hair. I guess he is looking wise and matured and handsome with the nature’s salt and pepper strokes.

My divorce after 7 years of marriage, an extra marital affair with a colleague and now settling down with a boyfriend who is equally successful, I had the fun and spice in life that I needed. Probably, what is the need to tolerate a relationship that is meaningless? Should we not move on? For people like Paru, divorce is a sin. Going by your heart and doing what you want is out of place. Abiding by the society and its set protocols is the way to live. I now know that I started to hate her more than ever.

Again, did I not tell you that this my story? This Paru seems to be disturbing me from continuing my story in its truthfulness.

Back to New York, I started to concentrate on my work. After finishing a rather busy day, I was walking toward the car park, when I noticed Paru sitting in my lobby. I was excited to see her. I went and hugged her. She looked old than our age. Wrapped in a traditional Indian saree, she looked like an old aunty with greying hair, and wrinkles down her eyes. She looked tired.

I took her to my office and offered her tea and snacks and caught up a lot on where we left after our last phone call. She was telling me about Anna Hazare and how he is fighting to end corruption and how people in the name of Scam are ruining the progress of my motherland. I smiled. I have been following the world news closely and am aware of all that she is telling at the touch of a browser in my iPad. I didn’t have to wait for the 7.30 Sun News.

After that day, Paru came to office many times. I purposefully avoided her and walked away from the other door whenever I saw her waiting for me in the lobby. What does she need? Money, donation, job or a house? I didn’t know and never felt like stopping by and caring to ask.

But in all this process, I noticed that she is a happy woman. She is still the happiest person I could see in my entire office. Her eyes were tired but they still had sparkle. Her face looked aged but same time very wise. There is some kind of mixed goodness in her, warmth, a truthful care and a genuine friendship. How the hell can she have all the happiness in this world amidst struggles of an ordinary woman? I found her having her interests in tact for arts, poetry, friendship, travel, learning and nothing changed in her over the years. Rabindranath’s translation of his own Bengali poem, as the song offering says

"Thy infinite gifts come to me only on these very small hands of mine.

Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still there is room to fill."

Yes, Paru is still fresh in her mind and thoughts. Her physical appearance has changed. Her circumstances remained close the same from where it all started from. I found myself envious of her suddenly despite all the things I achieved in life. Do I hate myself and not Paru anymore? That thought it-self is so disturbing.

I desperately needed a break and I booked my next flight to Hawaii…..the beautiful islands filled with live volcanoes, colorful sands and vibrant beaches. President Obama was born and loved vacations in this beautiful state. I started to run to the waters and play like a child….sat on beach and pulled the sands all over me and looked at the sky.

I could hear laughter of children and turned around to see. I saw a boat….What am I seeing….The coconut trees are swaying on the banks of Kerala backwaters and a family is rejoicing their holiday on a wooden boat house. Children are still jumping and playing around when their mother Paru was running behind them with the dinner plate trying to feed them. I got bewildered. STOP IT! I cried at them. I took my shoes and ran inside the hotel.

I could not hold this anymore. I need to end this now or never. I saw my agitated self in the mirror and didn’t like what I am seeing. Wrinkles, red eyes, fake smiles. I hate it. I took the flower vase and hardly hit at the mirror breaking it at one stroke. The pieces fell off to the ground relaxing my nerves. I looked at MY reflection in the multiple broken glass pieces on the ground. Paru smiled at me, her way, naturally……and I started to cry to my heart’s content. I know this is my story.

"Into the cyclone rainfall of tears, I now know I am far away from fears….fears of myself and my reflections!”

Author’s Note:

“Paru Tales” is a collection of short stories I started to write few months back and the protagonist Paru goes through various phases and experiences that relate to most of the women around. This story of “Paru and I” is an extract from that collection titled ‘The Naked Parade’. Why I named Paru Tales as ‘Naked Parade’ is for the genuine reason that it is reflection of tales of truth, thought provoking and closer to me as a writer!

- This story is dedicated to all people, who would willfully lead their lives as per their dreams and follow their hearts, naturally. This story is a reflection of millions of people who have to hide their natural selves and live life the way the circumstances demand and get got in the materialistic quest and forget what is truthfully closer to their hearts. For many of us, it takes many long years, to fearfully look back and think what we wanted and what we were made out of the life. Paru is just a sample of that reality, naturally

An Educated Fool! Am I?

As one neighbour impishly hit my sensitivity

Calling me an educated fool, I gave myself a silent inner pause!

Am I? That gave me a good amount of time

To introspect my inner self, my thought process!

What makes you educated is the not the number of degrees

But the amount of knowledge you learn from life’s lessons!

What makes you wise and thoughtful is not years you lived!

But the number of people whose lives you have touched!

May be the person who said so, the most wisdomful soul!

I revere the happy unthoughtful comment in the night!

But graciously let me let him know that I am not a Fool!

Yes, I would have been a fool having letting others say so!

As gracefully I know to handle people of all types in life

Having had the luck to deal with people of vivid attitudes

The best way is to keep yourself away from insensitivity

What you don’t deserve, let it not touch your heart

The things that others throw at you, thoughtlessly

If you don’t pick it to your hearts and leave them there

Trust me, god gives them back where they need

And lets your live in the way you are made and in peace!

Domestic Violence- Are we thoughtful to other people's problems?

A young lady in her early 20s (let’s call her Paru) is at a family gathering to celebrate the wedding reception of her brother in law, and welcoming the new bride. The family consists of Mom, Dad, three sons and 2 elder daughter-in laws, one daughter, one daughter-in-law who is the new bride.

 Our Paru goes about the day helping with the festivities, but she is quiet and has little enthusiasm. As the day moves on, there is a sudden explosion that disrupts all festivities. The explosion is of an emotional source and comes from Paru.

Paru begins to shout, “What is wrong with all of you? How can you all act happy?! This bride is in potential danger!”

She starts crying and flees from the room. Now, please reflect: What are your thoughts about what happened? Has she ruined the whole atmosphere? Is she unstable and does she lack control? Is she perhaps even crazy?

If any of these conclusions come to mind, this young adult has been labeled what psychology calls, “The Identified Patient.” She would be the one encouraged to get therapy.

What is the immediate truth here? Before the outburst, her mother in law had abused her physically and emotionally as young bride for few years now. What is the historical truth? Her family had been indifferent and mother in law treated her as a servant and her husband was made aware of it — everyone but her parents and family.

So the reality is this: She is part of a family system that operates in denial, and it is that system that is dysfunctional. So let’s shed some truth on this scenario.

This young woman is actually the only one in her family who has insight, is emotionally healthy and takes action. Her husband had been uncomfortable when she told him of the agony she goes through.. Once he accepted it, he talked to the mother in law once, and then wanted it to never be spoken of again.

Father in law went into emotional denial. He accepted it had happened, but could not accept how deeply the abuse affected his daughter in law. Dad figured he paid for therapy; why couldn’t she just get over it and forgive?

Her mother in law, thought the lasting repercussions were her “Paru’s issue” and she went along with life. Mom felt “uncomfortable” when her daughter wanted to spend time with her away from her in-laws place. When abuse was brought up in another context, the father in law asked his daughter in law if she would divorce her husband because of this domestic violence
When she responded, “yes,” he said, “Whatever, Paru” — as if Paru had the problem.

What is this family system exhibiting? Denial and concealment. What are they conveying? That the daughter in law is the one with problems.

Essentially, she’s the family scapegoat. Her anger festered, justice, righteousness and truth screamed out to be heard, and she was met with, “Paru’s crazy.” And her younger brother in law called her as a ‘Fish Market!’

Actually, Paru is the most sane member of the family in this story. This is a family system that had thrived on everyone agreeing and denying. This is called pseudo mutuality and is a very dysfunctional family dynamic. Truth and healing are rarely revealed in this type of system.

This is Paru’s narrative. We all have one. Often, the source of a painful narrative is family of origin, abuse, being misunderstood and the like. Our experiences create who we are. When no one gives us a voice, and others do not take the time to understand our experience, then people who are innocent can be misunderstood.

Often victims look like the identified patient, the one with the problem, when in fact it is the system that is dysfunctional. Often domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, shaming and emotional abuses are denied. They can either lead to someone shutting down emotionally or one becoming a voice for justice.

Integrating facts and truth into how we view people demonstrates morality. It should be practiced as members of a community, family and even in friendships. We often speak cavalier statements, such as a person is dysfunctional, crazy or unstable. But we must take the investigation of truth into consideration.

Victimized individuals are deeply affected by life and often much more intuitive and emotionally intelligent than others. They are less likely to put up with injustice. They often make a stand and speak out against immorality, and this just makes others uncomfortable.

But the reality is, the woman in the above story is absolutely right. She uncovered hidden sin. Once it was revealed, it was pushed under the carpet. She then confronted the denial.

Why did she do this? To save others from being victimized. Her experience gave her insight, righteous indignation and the courage to point out and fight against injustice and abuse.

Let’s support those who speak out against abuse and get over our discomfort. We then become healthy systems for people to thrive in.


Thanks to Kimberlee Z,whose article inspired me to write this story