Day 13- Every Day Inspirations - The Story of a Care-Giver

She kept looking at the sky.  I could imagine what my wife would be going through, the sort of the day she was having and her mood.   

Face is in the index of mind.  Here, the mind is feeble and not listening.   Rain, Shine and drain, all happens in the same day.  Like a wild boar in the forest, like a hurt caterpillar curled up to rescue, or just like a peacock dancing in the rain.   She could portray everything in one single day and still work with her daily routine.  To be her caregiver was not only tiring but also confusing. 

As I pushed her in the wheel chair to the hospital, this time, I know she was suffering from mixed episode, severe mental condition with moods swinging ferociously with mania, anger, depression and acute agitation, kind of loss and total disconnect.  Her doctor was very kind and he had the patience to help me understand her medicines and also keep them away and give her as per the prescriptions time to time.  Any lapse on my part to do this, will put me at the havoc of running with her to recuperation center trying to revive her back to life.  How can I forget that one afternoon she pushed me into that state of helplessness?   Medicines and treatment that made her get annoyed and more restless.  But we had no choice but to listen to our doctor.  Patience.  Perseverance.  I know my inner spiritual strength is helping me as her care taker.

Her mental pain created a mess causing disturbing episodes of anger and argument with my parents and family.  Not everyone can understand her illness which is driving her and cannot endure what I do.  I just stay calm for I know that arguments or justification will only lead her to get agitated  and in a mood.  There are times, when I just give up being a peacemaker.  I feel like giving her a slap to make her shut up.  I want to kick her out of our house.  I am also a human and there are times that I just lose my patience.  But I still endure. 

She strives to orchestrate activities that keep her busy.  She seems to be doing best in everything.  Suddenly she gets lost.  She gets tired.  She shouts for a break.  I silently wish I could say no to her, when she initiates hundred things at a time, triggering another episode of pain, to herself!

I was getting drained, with stress and worry, striving to look after my child, attend my job without losing it and maintain my sanity in the process.   A plethora of moments in the treatment, that cause a deep sense of anxiety.  Will she ever recover?   She was unwell and often required hospitalization for physical illness just because her mind did not give in the immunity that the body requires.  The longer the hospitalization episodes, the wheels of our apple cart seems to be coming off.

Being mentally ill, she often opened the can of worms without even realizing it.  Every past hurt, difficulties with parents and parents-in-laws, past relationships, insecurities, regrets, would often surface during counseling.  Instances of abuse in which she got locked away, disappointments and fear had to be slowly decoded and put back in order for her to move on.  

 

Listening to her favorite classical music, reading her favorite fiction, and creating awesome network of friends and taking steps of recovery at work and focusing on her childhood dream were happy indicators as she slowly limped back to life.

More than 2 years of being on the roller coaster times of illness and to keep her better, I had to stay positive.   Focus on her recovery and our life together.

She gave me love unconditionally and accepted me as a perfect husband with all my imperfections.   She blessed me with a beautiful child as our symbol of love.  She took me around the world and enjoyed every moment as a traveler.  We explored several things together, passionately and in peace.  I gave into love and did not give into negative emotions of anger, fear and hurt in spite of my own moments of uncertainty.

Life is just inevitable, with its own package of challenges thrust upon us by no fault of own.   Keeping up my own physical wellness and mental stability was key to keep the challenges under control.  There are so many aspects of our lives that we have no say in.  In whatever we can, it is fine to keep with the ways to control, with the inevitable random nature of things that life throws at us.

It was much easier to explain to the world, when she met with the car accident in one of her business trips.   Her bruises and cuts on the face showed her pain and was much easier for others to understand what was going on.  They contemplated her path to recovery.   Prayers and wishes kept pouring in till she got her physical broken parts were put back in place and got back to action.

But I had no particular way to make people understand her pain.  The stigma of mental illness did not allow me to even share the episodes of her hospitalization with family and friends.   However, I am just thankful to the awesome recovery which overtime, was a firm build of gratitude that became a massive relief for me.  I don’t need to explain to this world.  As long as I stay in her world and manage her.

Deadly silent nights when she would scroll through her entire friends list on the phone and find no one whom she could call and speak her heart out, she used to call me and cry for help.  The hours of uncertainty, doubt, worry, and pain doubled when she was ill.   Yet, she made every effort and listened to every suggestion of her doctor and kept her strong will sustain.   Miracles started to happen.  

Her episodes are not completely gone.  Though they are not that frequent, she does get into a state of despair making me wonder what recovery she had.  But both of us kept our hopes high and faith strong.  We will together fight it. 

I don’t want to question myself if she would change for good or bad permanently.  Neither do I have the miniscule doubt of her love for me, my child, our family and her profession.   I keep my respect for her and feelings uncompromisable and truthful.   Wishing our worst nightmares never repeat.   Our relationship and love between us all is stronger than ever.   As her best caregiver.  As her husband.  As her friend!  Life goes on!

Day 12 - Every Day Inspirations : World Needs Swami Vivekananda Today!

There lived a great man,  a man of selfless love for his Nation; Who lived with deep insight and wisdom, presenting India amongst World Nations with a irrefutable logic,  pride of the religion he was born into, taking Hinduism with its own charm and equally interpreting and respecting world religions.    His greatness with scriptures and knowledge of science was immense.  A life not long lived, but well lived.   His vision and thoughtfulness makes him not just a day's inspiration but for every day!

Ten beautiful life lessons from Swami Vivekananda...

1. You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.
2. Arise! Awake! and stop not until the goal is reached.
3. You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.
4. “In a conflict between the heart and the brain, follow your heart.”
5. They alone live, who live for others.
6. Neither seek nor avoid, take what comes.
7. Comfort is no test of truth.  Truth is often far from being comfortable.
8. The fire that warms us can also consume us, it is not the fault of the fire.
9. Ask nothing, want nothing in return.  Gove what you have to give, it will come back to you, but do not think of that now.
10. Do one thing at a time,and while doing it put your whole soul into it to the exclusion of all else.

Day 11 - Every Day Inspirations - Spending to live and not living to spend

All our lives we run behind goals and targets.   Projects, pipelines, deadlines, ambitions, benchmarks and lot more.  

All for that one fat pay check at the end of the month.   Comes the first week with a good outing with family and friends,  to a movie, to shopping, to eating out and you live life king size.  Before you even realize,  your bank balance slowly takes a downward slide...EMIs and monthly commitments...then you start to budget, plan , squeeze and if things worsen, beg and borrow to make the ends meet.   Already the lifestyle expectations are kept at such great heights.  We spend when we have,  we keep quite when we don't.  Why is this imbalance?

Because, we are not spending to live.  But living to spend.  One writer wrote that a pizza costs Rs 600 for one night dinner, where as a poor family of 4 can buy Rice and Dal for whole month. 

Similarly,  we are ready to buy one expensive suit for the Prom night worth of Rs 10000 and above..but fail to recognize that a family can survive with proper clothing for the entire year with that money.    It is the value of money which we are failing to notice.

Falling for false prestige of big cars,  EMI driven apartments,  avoidable parties and buying more that what is required makes you only be in spending to live and not living to spend.   As long as the bullish market of consumerism is pushing us and we get into its trap, none can save us.

Go back to the days when we write down what we need and go for shopping.  It makes sense and value for the hard earned money.  Don't get driven by provoking advertisements that would make no sense once you leave the place.   Short term and regular savings will make your money multiple.  Do careful investments and protect your future.   

As long as you have roof, proper clothing, good education and three times food,  and you can still help others, you are actually spending to live and live properly.    Let us stop living as if we are born to spend.....mostly on unnecessary things.   You are not just eating away your money in a wrong way, but also the most precious resources of the land.   Beware!

Every Day Inspirations - Day 10 - Celebrate life well lived!

There comes a day, when all of us will be called.  When it is our turn to take the ride to the otherside, let us not fret in fear, leave in tears, but go with happiness and celebration of life well lived.

It is not important how long you lived.  What matters is how well you lived.  How well you made yourself trusted, celebrated and missed!    It is in the beauty of life that celebrated every day.  The beauty of having overcome challenges... having crossed several hurdles,  building bridges of friendship, care, support, love and happiness instead of burning bridges with hatred, anger and disgust.

Let us all follow the words in Bible Collosians 3:23 -  "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord''.   Especially when you are working with your life, work with it to the fullest.

Day 9 - Every Day Inspirations - Meet people often!

It is irony that we meet people only during times of sorrow or celebration.   

Invitations and greetings happen during joyful events and celebrations multiply with friends and relatives.   During the times of crisis or sorrow,  extended families jump into action and everyone joins together to take upon the task of completing the formalities, rituals and grieving process.

How nice, it would be if we could catch up with our cousins and friends over a cup of coffee or a high tea,  or for a potluck lunch or a moon light dinner on the terrace for no reason.   

Just to catch up whats happening in each other's lifes'.   Just like in those good old days where we did not have facebook to connect, whatsapp to update and instagram to share pictures...

But games where all of us, our children happily played games on the streets, where our kitchens were big for all of us experiment traditional food and enjoy a evening with no cries of the idiot boxes in our living rooms......May be we need to go back to life...than living in a non-existent virtual reality which is making us so fake!

 

Day 8 - Every Day Inspirations. Live Life today like it is your last day!

Are you ready to go tomorrow?   Yes, to go from this world.  You heard me right.   There will be hundreds of people who will miss you.   But for what reasons?   It matters.

                                

We in India, always are apprehensive to keep our lives planned and organized and take it as a taboo to talk about death and preparation for it.  It is not really getting prepared to die tomorrow.  But what if it happens?   What all will be impacted?  And To what extent?

Is your family secured financially?   Did you tell your friends how much you love them?    Does your spouse know where important documents are?    Does your colleagues know how to complete your unfinished tasks?    Did you document everything?  Or should your family and friends, run from pillar to post to pick up your left overs?

When we generally say, that live life today like it is your last day, it also means that you enjoy life to the fullest.  Take the best out of it. Do everything that matters to you and your happiness.   Love your self and your life.    Eat your favorite icecreams.   Take long bike rides in the mid of night.  Sit on the terrace and sing songs.   Go for that disco that you left years ago.   Make your life 'Just happening'.

 

At the same time, there is other side to this coin too.   Keep all important things bit organized.   Document a living WILL, to avoid confusions on inheritance,  clear your debts as and when possible and keep it minimal.   Share details of key documents,  contacts, wish list and insurance papers with your spouse.  Always ensure you fill up the nominations on your bank accounts,  office emergency contact information,  clarity on your transactions and business, details of provident fund and other investments,  placeholder of keys for your locker,  important documents and a file on your wish list after you are gone.   Trust me, it helps.  

It helps your family to a greater extent.  In the times of grief and profound loss, do not add to the pain of missing information and struggle on financials and other things to them.  They deserve a space to grieve in peace.  

Yes, 8 Jan is always a special day, where I will remember this lesson of life.   It was the last day, my dad lived king size in 1992.   He was a happy, contended, healthy and loving person who never expected his life to end soon and sudden.   He was just not prepared for it.  It took us years to rebuild lives after the edifice our lives crumbled on a winter morning.  The lessons are strong and deep rooted and felt the need to be shared!

Day 7- Every Day Inspirations - Show Up, Do Your Job, Keep Your Nose Clean!

Three things matter the most in what ever you do.   It is very simply said, but have a strong indepth meaning.  It applies to all our responsibilities, both Professional and Personal.

Show Up

Do your Job

Keep your Nose clean!

Each one of us can interpret this in the way we want and make the best use of the mantra for success.

Show Up on TIME....this is very important to be on time you committed,  respecting the time of others as well as yours.  It is the most precious resource in the world.  Once gone, it never comes back...There is no refill to the time gone by!

Do Your Job.....Just do it for YOUR satisfaction.  Results will come automatically.  Please none but your own self with the set goals and benchmarks.   In due course, everyone around you, including your management, team, family & friends will start appreciating for the results that are happening.  Do not tell how hard you work.  Tell how much you get done.

Keep Your Nose Clean -  This is one of the best mantra for happiness.   Unnecessary interference,  poking your nose into other people's business,  curious gossips,  back biting and enjoying others stories is as good as putting your fingers into other person's running nose.  I guess this explains.

Enjoy the year ahead with strong professionalism with ample space for your personal life and further more little space for yourself.   

End of the day....the results flow vice-versa.    Have a Blessed Day!

 

Day 6- Every Day Inspirations. Dream Big, Just Too Big!

We have always been asked to keep dreaming or aspiring to be someone as we grow up.   As children, all of us would have faced questions like, what we want to become as when we are adults.   Some answered as teachers, policemen, pilot, scientist or someone wanted to be a Prime Minister.   

Whatever may be the innocent answers we have all shared as young innocent toddlers and confused teens, there is a light that is visible at the end of the tunnel slowly and steadily.  We put in all our efforts on those dreams that continue with us during the bumpy rides all along the ups and downs of the tunnel.  

Someone us get lost in between, some of us faintly hang on to those dreams, and some work steadily and consistently towards the dream to come true.   

In this process, the idea of dreaming big, bigger than what we can even achieve, what we can dream, extending the horizons to a larger extent then what we can hold, may on some day turn true.   Probably we may even achieve things larger than what we dream.  

The purpose and the dream will happen.  The size of achievement can be small or big.  But the making of the dream is what makes the beginning.   So today, let us decide to DREAM BIG.    

 So big that we will put all the efforts, thought and struggle to make it happen.  We will enjoy the struggle as we make the dream come true.   So it is important that we dream and we dream JUST TOO BIG!

Day 5- Every Day Inspirations - Patriotism is the life blood of a Nation

Edesamegina Endukalidina, 

Epeethamekina, Evaraderiyana!

Pogadara Nee Thali Bhoomi Bharathini

Neelupura Nee Jathi Nindu Gowravamu

The above words of Rayapolu Subba Rao filled our childhood with pride of patriotism and a sense of belonging to our Nation.  

Where ever we go, what ever we achieve, Sing the praises of your motherland India,  Preserve her respect and dignity what may come.

As each one of us were busy celebrating the arrival of another Brand New Year,  our brothers at the National Border in Pathankot Air base were putting their lives in pursuit of National Protection.  

What mattered to them at those moments of intense pressure, is a pride in laying down their lives, leaving behind young wives and aged parents, and innocent children and friends.   To them, National Security and combating terrorism fighting hard core gun men, was not just in their line of duty.  It was in their blood to safeguard our Nation.

Facing death with smile to ensure we live in peace is a brutal truth of our Nation that is time and again facing terror attacks.   Each one of us should feel the pain, the sense of loss, the fact to raise above the soldiers sacrifice and bring in sense of patriotism in each of our citizens.  

It is time we invest in better life jackets, best ammunition to combat terrorism, provide stronger protection to our forces, than investing in the name of Cricket and Football.    Unless we equip our brothers with the basic necessities, we are actually putting them to peril of death at the times of need to safeguard our Nation

How many more we will let go,  when the hell we will realize their value,   what is that we need to do to protect those who protect us,  where and all we need to raise our voices to bring in a strong Border Security and End Terror Attacks.

Citizens of India,  Arise, Awake and Act with a strong sense of Patriotism.    It is not just a emotion or a strong feeling.  It is the life blood of our Nation

Salute to our Bravehearts at Pathankot!

 

 

Day 4- Every Day Inspirations : Wait a second longer

Hanging on one second longer than your competitor makes you the winner.    But how?

Here is the story of a farmer who inherited a piece of land from his father.  His father left him a note saying that he for sure knew that his land has a treasure of gold beneath.   The farmer believing in the words started to dig the land once his father passed away, and almost dug close to 300 feet.  But to his dismay, he found nothing but a heap of earth lying all around the field.   He was doubtful of the treasure and gave up.  He decided to sell his field and leave the village.  

The buyer got the field along with heap of earth for a far lower price.   Before he decided to refill the land, he for a minute, thought on what could be the reason for the farmer to dig the land so deep.  He came to know of the father's words to the farmer.  Somehow his instinct told him to give it a try.  Just few more feet and see.  Alas!  the first signs of gold appeared after 50 feet.   Fortune changed his fate.

Bottonline of the story-   Wait a second longer than what you could hold on to and that will make the difference.   If you trust something, trust it completely.   

Have a blessed day:-)

Day 3- Every Day Inspirations: Integrity is an inborn quality

Integrity simply called as Honesty, Sincerity, truthfulness is something that cannot be built in a person.  It has to be inborn.   

Moral stories in school, historical lessons from parents and grandparents, management lessons in college and profession keeps emphasizing on the dire need of integrity.  

It is not dependent on how rich or how poor one is.  It is not even dependent on the need or want of something.  It is a strong virtue that can only be sharpened over the years of building it within each one of us.

Yesterday, my daughter while commuting from school to her tutorial class forgot her mobile phone in the taxi.  She later on came home and was under the impression that she left it at her friend's place.   After couple of hours, my husband received a call saying that the caller is having her phone.   That's when she got panicked. 

The caller was so kind to introduce himself as the taxi driver, and gave his address from where we can pick her phone.  As he had to go on the night duty, he respectfully asked us if we can do so.   

We were truly grateful for the sense of integrity he showed.  There is a large amount of data like contact numbers, pictures, messages that could have been misused.   Or he could have simply wiped away everything and used the touch phone which was an expensive one.   But instead he not only took the care to call us and inform but also ensured that we collected it at the earliest.  

If you think that people who are poor, or who are in need of something will compromise on integrity, this is a true eye opener for all such thoughts.   It is not a lesson that need to be taught in management classes.  It is a virtue we have to imbibe in our children and generations to come.   This would make our world a better place to live.

Thank you OLA driver Saravanan for showing us this virtue today -  Integrity is for sure your inborn quality!  God bless.

 

Day 2- Every Day Inspirations - Prayer as a way of self-control

From the times immemorial,  with and without written guidance, in  a beautiful way of multi generational transition, one thing that our ancestors carefully made us inherit is the tradition to pray to Almighty.    

The belief in existence of a supreme power that guides this world towards peace and harmony, towards oneness and acceptance, towards tolerance and wisdom is a sheer happiness.  

For this happiness, gives us a sense of having some one to walk along with us in various paths of our lives.  Be it in happy moments or sad days, there is someone stronger and closer to us to look upon.   

Prayer is a medium to reach that someone.   It can be any form of God we worship, ultimately it is the essence of self-consciousness and in depth self-control.  

Few minutes of Silent prayer every single day makes you have a strong self-control and defuse your tensions and anxious moments.  It gives you a strong sense of reliance on Supreme Power that will ease things and let you walk further.   

Botton Line of today...Prayer is a way of self-control.   Practice it and enjoy the immense peace that comes with it.

Day 1 Every Day Inspirations : Enjoy the Effort you put in !

It is the time to celebrate.  Welcoming another New Year in our lives.  The turn of page towards 2016 ushering with blessings and hopes...faith and devotion,  plans and resolutions,  friends and family.  

Each one of us dream to make it big in what ever we do.  In the process,  we get to work hard, put in our best efforts, take up the toughest journey of our lives.   We achieve.  We get tired.  We get exhausted.   Instead, if we could enjoy the efforts we put in, we would still achieve, without getting tired or exhausted.

When we go for an entertainment and watch a movie for 3 hours, we just enjoy the time and effort put into it, as long as the movie is worth watching :-)   Similarly when we take up a task with whole heart and enjoy doing it, we do not get to feel the effort we put it.  This is the basic feature of several people who are successful in the world today.

Day 1 -  of 'Every Day Inspirations'  bring you the botton line of today...

" Enjoy the Effort You Put In!"

-  Love you all and wishing you a very happy and prosperous New Year 2016

Looking back at 2015, that is slowly giving way to 2016

One thing at a time, worth of every dime-  Liz Keller.   

Liz is our client and often in her pursuit to perfection and getting work done, had enriched us with her anecdotes which she shared with us through several weekly conversations. Some sentences are life lessons that I take them to heart and thought.

Multi-tasking has become the norm of the day.  However, unless we are focused on that one thing that we are doing, it will not achieve results.   The attention to detail and ambition to complete with a competitive advantage is what makes the difference and a niche for survival.    This is a beautiful lesson from her.   Thank you Liz.

This year had been a roller-coaster ride for sure.  

Unexpected twists and turns,  beautiful events like cousin's wedding, family unions, welcoming a niece, lovely travels to Wayanad and Kantaloor,  successful projects at work,  handing over of a successful year at Inner Wheel to incoming President,  starting of our NGO Punaraja and UCS business ventures, great friends coming my way and overall a very happy year.    

Despite this list being long,  we also had few major blows this year.  Losing of 2 people who touched us strongly,  Dr Kalam and Pastor Dr John Jackson left a deep sadness and strong reverence to them.

This was also an year of debugging the depression and desperation.   Which inturn paved way for development of determination and stronger will.     It also gave a deep sense of satisfaction when I got a chance to take hold of my childhood dream of being an advocate.  

Drive your destiny and ask for what you want.  Unless you ask yourself for it, and work towards it, nothing comes to you.   You have to ask yourself, what you need.  Then take steps to make it happen.   

A dream that is 25 years old finally started to materialize.   Circumstances did not provoke me to take the decision.  But a strong inner urge and further more deep rooted will power to do this fighting my own middle age crisis makes it possible.    Yes,  in the next 3 years, I will graduate as a Lawyer.  My childhood dream.      The passion will find a meaning if I am able to support atleast few destitute women to fight for justice for free.   That will happen.    It is my confidence and energy, belief and faith in God who creates my destiny and I just drive it :-)

Social service, community participation, Chennai floods and aftermath, the pressure of having a 12th grader at home, fantasies and fears of her future career, professional certifications,  friends and family-  almost everything made this year a wonderful package of gift from God.   We kept unwrapping it slowly and steadily taking one thing at a time.  Thanks to Liz for that wonderful lesson.   

Disappointment galore did not spare us from not only losing few more people, like my neighbor uncle to cancer, my friend's husband to a tragic bike accident, another friend ending up in divorce,  few unbearable instances of hospitalizations and few people whom we deliberately had to keep a distance from our family, not because they did something, but because we wanted to be at peace!

However, taking the lessons of this year for a better life, leaving behind disappointments that taught us to be more stronger,  and the beauty of good things that make us take a step forward positively, I sign off this year with both happiness and prayer.  

Wishing you all, my friends and family,  my colleagues and associates a wonderful year ahead......I remain.